CondomKing Posted June 23, 2001 Report Share Posted June 23, 2001 quote: Originally posted by Mad Max: [QB]Teacher: I will respectfully disagree with most of the responses in this thread. CK: Me too, but only to some extent. I think apart from one attribute - educated, in Western sense - you wouldn't have any trouble finding what you're looking for. CK: Yes, but you may not like the reality of what you get. What you're describing is a mia noi [minor wife] arrangement, quite common in Thailand. CK: Although this is quite common it takes place almost exclusively within Thai social structure. Of course, in your there is no major wife, but that is no obstacle to having a mia noi . CK: I would think not having a major wife would make it just about impossible to have a minor wife, both in theory and, more importantly, in practice. (What makes this type of relationship analogous to mia noi is that she understands and accepts that there is no long term prospect.) CK: If you are already married she will, but if you're single what will stop this faux "mia noi" from climbing into your life and setting up camp? I say it's an arrangement because she will expect you to support her in some fashion. CK: Yes, she will indeed. Still, that doesn't mean she's a gold digger. CK: Depends on the lady but really, slim chance. Thailand might arguably be goldigger capitol of the world. BTW, when does it mean that she's a goldigger and when doesn't it. If she lives with you it may be just extra 5,000 Baht per month to send to her parents. CK: If that's all she'll accept, then she's not a goldigger, but how many out there have a Thai live-in for 5000 Baht extra per month? In Thailand, the opportunities are so limited that there are many women for whom living with a likeable guy is quite attractive. CK: As I've said before, it depends on the parties involved. If you've never dealt with Thai women, be very sceptical of what they say. Also, be very sceptical of your own thoughts. Hard to explain. Over there nothing is what it seems. CK: Yes, agreed. Joseph Conrad couldn't have said it better himself. /QB] Just want to keep perspective here and interject that while the availability of women here in Thailand is mind boggling, overwhelming and incredible, those very adjectives are usually the reason why it is so difficult to find a workable and satisfying relationship of any kind, be with a "good" girl, b/g, farm girl, or ping pong girl from a second floor sex show. Just my opinion, Guido. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardinalblue Posted June 23, 2001 Report Share Posted June 23, 2001 Condomking, I agree with your final interjection but your reason(s) as to why a quality relationship is so difficult to develop over here are insufficient, I believe. I have tried with all the varieties you mentioned but still searching for that intimate, trusting, sharing relationship. I would be interested in your critical assessment to why a quality relationship as we know or expect it is so darn near impossible to be had. Could one plausible explanation might be the many dysfunctional relationships that I observe between Thai couples as well as the impact of the some of the obvious "character flaws" of the Thai male have on their counterparts? Do you think they could carry over to how Thai women view/approach relationships with farang men? Respectfully submitted, Cardinalblue Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 23, 2001 Report Share Posted June 23, 2001 Interesting post and responses. I'd say a 5k/month live-in is a 'wish-list' option but you kight get lucky. Realistically budget 15,000. Even the one I married 5 years ago wanted 30k/mo but didn't get it which probably explains why she moved out and is back working at Playskool (and making much much more). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted June 24, 2001 Report Share Posted June 24, 2001 quote: Originally posted by cardinalblue: Condomking, I agree with your final interjection but your reason(s) as to why a quality relationship is so difficult to develop over here are insufficient, I believe. I have tried with all the varieties you mentioned but still searching for that intimate, trusting, sharing relationship. I would be interested in your critical assessment to why a quality relationship as we know or expect it is so darn near impossible to be had. Could one plausible explanation might be the many dysfunctional relationships that I observe between Thai couples as well as the impact of the some of the obvious "character flaws" of the Thai male have on their counterparts? Do you think they could carry over to how Thai women view/approach relationships with farang men? Respectfully submitted, Cardinalblue Yes, well, OK, I was going for the glib oversimplification. I guess in reality, although having so many women to choose from does make it difficult to pick just one, the cultural differences probably do outweigh the butterfly factor. Also, I have noticed, and this could go under the heading "dysfunctional relationship behavior", the extreme extent of rampant neurotic jelously, at least with many of the Thai women that I have been with or observed. A B/G that I had lived with for a while, and didn't love but I did like just fine, and hadn't cheated on, accused, interrogated, cried a lot, and, what was really the last straw, started to "sniff" my clothes whenever I came home. Nice girl, but I had to leave her. To the other extreme, a friend who is an investment banker, mid thirties, good looking, began a relationship with the daughter of an extremely wealthy Thai banker. She was US educated, owned a selection of Mercedes, etc but, in the jelousy department, exactly the same. Insane and ridiculous jelousy. He had to break it off, and with much difficulty. Your last point is well taken, also. The general behavior of the average Thai man, from what I have seen, does the rest of us no favor. When the next Thai woman says to you, "Thai man, he no good", maybe what she really means is, "Everybody man, he no good." So, for those reasons, and probably more, it really is difficult to find that special intimate and trusting relationship here. On the other hand, compared to the liberated women that I've been dealing with most of my life, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, and given the alternative, I'd rather be dealing with the obstacles and pitfalls to be found here in Thailand. So there! Guido. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted June 24, 2001 Report Share Posted June 24, 2001 Mad Max, The best 7 words i've seen lately: "Over there nothing is what it seems." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 24, 2001 Report Share Posted June 24, 2001 quote: Originally posted by cardinalblue: I would be interested in your critical assessment to why a quality relationship as we know or expect it is so darn near impossible to be had. My ex-BG has the following theory: Most men who walk into a Thai bar are jerks, otherwise they would have found true love in their own countries. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted June 25, 2001 Report Share Posted June 25, 2001 quote: Originally posted by KURT: My ex-BG has the following theory: Most men who walk into a Thai bar are jerks, otherwise they would have found true love in their own countries. I not disputing your wife's theory, in fact it's a good one, but... Maybe we could also say that most men in general are jerks, because I doubt whether many of those who stayed home and never came to Thailand have found true love in their own countries, either. Please tell your wife not to sell us short, we are more than just "jerks in Thailand". Guido. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 25, 2001 Report Share Posted June 25, 2001 quote: Originally posted by CondomKing: Yes, well, OK, I was going for the glib oversimplification. I guess in reality, although having so many women to choose from does make it difficult to pick just one, the cultural differences probably do outweigh the butterfly factor. Also, I have noticed, and this could go under the heading "dysfunctional relationship behavior", the extreme extent of rampant neurotic jelously, at least with many of the Thai women that I have been with or observed. A B/G that I had lived with for a while, and didn't love but I did like just fine, and hadn't cheated on, accused, interrogated, cried a lot, and, what was really the last straw, started to "sniff" my clothes whenever I came home. Nice girl, but I had to leave her. To the other extreme, a friend who is an investment banker, mid thirties, good looking, began a relationship with the daughter of an extremely wealthy Thai banker. She was US educated, owned a selection of Mercedes, etc but, in the jelousy department, exactly the same. Insane and ridiculous jelousy. He had to break it off, and with much difficulty. Your last point is well taken, also. The general behavior of the average Thai man, from what I have seen, does the rest of us no favor. When the next Thai woman says to you, "Thai man, he no good", maybe what she really means is, "Everybody man, he no good." So, for those reasons, and probably more, it really is difficult to find that special intimate and trusting relationship here. On the other hand, compared to the liberated women that I've been dealing with most of my life, the benefits far outweigh the drawbacks, and given the alternative, I'd rather be dealing with the obstacles and pitfalls to be found here in Thailand. So there! Guido. During the observation of my gf and thai people in general, i have come to the conclusion, that a lot of thais suffer from borderline personality disorder (BPD). It is so rampant, that it seems to be a normal trait. There is a book 'stop walking on eggshells' that explains, how to deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 25, 2001 Report Share Posted June 25, 2001 quote: Originally posted by teacherwannabe: Gents, as a newbie to this forum, I've enjoyed reading the posts. Extremely informative. I'd like to ask a few questions. The answers have probably appeared here in the past, and in many forms. However, I'm especially interested in Sanuk's reply. Of course, I'd appreciate other opinions, too! My situation follows: I'm very close to accepting a university teaching position in the North. I'm 37 yrs. old., male, single, well-educated, fit, trim, and told that I'm a considerate and compassionate gentleman. I have no intentions of marriage (now or in the future; it's just not for me!). However, I'd be lying if I said the prospects of fine female companionship were not a factor in my decision to proceed to the LOS. What are my chances for finding a nice, reasonably attractive (not a beauty queen), educated, non-gold-digging, single, mature-in-mind, lady for a long-term relationship not resulting in marriage? Am I dreaming? Or, should I resign myself to the TSM-type lifestyle (love 'em and leave 'em)? I appreciate your feedback and commentary. Thanks a million!! I would go for this strategy: Don't deny the possiblity of marriage, but give you and her 2 years of trial period. This makes sense, because the 'in love' dust will settle within this timeframe. Then you can make a decision. If you get really well along with her, you will want to marry her anyway. If not - and you have a good chance of that, because thais are in general mentally ill - you will have a good excuse to get out of the relationship. Just get some good psychology book about mental disorders, you will find good reasons there. Roland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukhumvit Posted June 25, 2001 Report Share Posted June 25, 2001 quote: Originally posted by KURT: My ex-BG has the following theory: Most men who walk into a Thai bar are jerks, otherwise they would have found true love in their own countries. Who's looking for true love in a Thai bar? Maybe guys who like looking at nekkid laydeez are jerks. Suits me. Glad to be a jerk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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