I Wonder?`

[thalenoi]

Bingo Dardar37

quoting you

"Yes, I agree with the above comments about this situation. I find it strange to not have paid her anything and then to wonder if you're the one being taken for a free ride. It's wrong not to pay the girl whether she asks for the money or not. I'm sure you could well have afforded it more then she could. Now she just has to work that much harder to make up for the time lost."

Paulpong, I hope this was your first contact with a bg, because you need to understand she does this for a living, she needs money to survive. Seems you left her in the cold.

If this was your first trip you need to wake-up. You would not stay with me for food & lodging wouldn't you?

[Guest]

Paul,

I think you need to realize that a relationship with a BG requires that money be involved whether she loves you or not. If you really care about her then you will give her gifts & money. This is just the way love is in the LOS. Good Luck!

- FB

[Guest]

This, as a cliche, may not always ring exactly true but... as they say, "you can take the girl out of the bar, but you often can't take the bar out of the girl"

Sounds like she may be doing a long-term investment, maybe looking for a genuine saviour. If she took you home to meet the folks and see the dwelling, she possibly is hoping that you will help change that at a future date.

Good luck and take it slow if you decide to take it anywhere at all. TIT, not home.

[Guest]

[if you really care about her then you will give her gifts & money. This is just the way love is in the LOS. Good Luck!]

Thanks for the replies to my concerns all as for the money issue I'm not unaware that she needs money and I also may have not wanted to look so stupid in not admitting that I gave her money but that she cried and seemed very upset almost unloved at the offer of the money. I did buy her some rather pricey Jewelry while shopping. She accused me of not liking her when I offered the almost 10,000 baht she refused and then thats when the Slashing of the wrist or threat to do so and breaking the glass occured in my hotel.

I'm Coming to see her again in October She wants me to stay with her at what she called her new room. I told her if she needs money to let me know and I can send it but she acts like she is upset whenever I mention it?

Believe me I know 6 days is a far cry but she has me looking into getting her to the States. I Appreciate the feed back though.

Pong.

[nkped]

Only fell in love on a short trip once. She may have been as sweet as I thought she was. When I asked for her address, she wouldn't give it to me.

[luckyfarang]

PaulP-

If she got upset and suicidal at the offer of money either:

1) She's obsessed with you and unstable or

2) She's playing a game with you

Either way you should not be considering bringing her home to the states. Was this your first trip to Thailand? Even if she is a truly special, unspoiled, unhardened girl who genuinely loves you, your chance for a successful marriage in the US is very low. The cultural differences are just too great. Read this and other related boards for the experiences of others who have far more knowledge and put in far more time than you have, only to fail dismally in the attempt to take a Thai girl home and make the relationship work. I won't say that I haven't been seriously tempted to try it myself, but it would have been a terrible mistake.

By the way, if you bought her solid gold jewelry from one of the Chinese gold shops, then it is the same as giving her money. She can resell it at any time.

[ July 06, 2001: Message edited by: luckyfarang ]

[Guest]

quote:

---

Originally posted by Paulpong:

[if you really care about her then you will give her gifts & money. This is just the way love is in the LOS. Good Luck!]

Thanks for the replies to my concerns all as for the money issue I'm not unaware that she needs money and I also may have not wanted to look so stupid in not admitting that I gave her money but that she cried and seemed very upset almost unloved at the offer of the money. I did buy her some rather pricey Jewelry while shopping. She accused me of not liking her when I offered the almost 10,000 baht she refused and then thats when the Slashing of the wrist or threat to do so and breaking the glass occured in my hotel.

I'm Coming to see her again in October She wants me to stay with her at what she called her new room. I told her if she needs money to let me know and I can send it but she acts like she is upset whenever I mention it?

Believe me I know 6 days is a far cry but she has me looking into getting her to the States. I Appreciate the feed back though.

Pong.

---

 

Here you are getting in a problem very common among thai women, and that is that they don't like themselves. She's in dire need of love, yet cannot accept it very well. When the relationship will get closer, expect fights, push-aways and alike. Don't take it personally, hold on yourself and you might get through it. Support her resonably with money, but also set clear limits. Most importantly, you must set an example of discipline and self-acceptance. Then she might well turn out to be a wonderful wife.

The best thing about thai women is that they are willing to learn and adapt your view of the world. But it is a longer educational process.

Roland

[Guest]

Paulpong wrote:

"...or do Actually have a Girlfriend that might be cool"

"and then thats when the Slashing of the wrist or threat to do so and breaking the glass occured in my hotel"

Being 'cool' and the second sentence don't fit too well in my opinion. Maybe she really does like you - or is infatuated. Does happen. Or maybe she's just got you marked as a potential steady stream of income if she holds out. But, irreguardless of that, do you really want that kind of drama (wrist slashing glass breaking) in your life? If it happened in the 6 days you were with her, guaranteed it will happen again.

Sounds like quite a manipulator to me.

[CondomKing]

Paul, let me throw in my two cents. Please, be careful with this one, I can tell you from experience.

A couple of years ago I was in Nana Disco when a girl I knew introduced me to one of her friends. We started dancing and she was kind of fun, not really my type, but what the hell, so I asked her, "How much?"

She was highly insulted, said that she only came to the disco to have fun and that she would never take money for sex. I told her that I knew of a great way that she could prove it. Yes, I fell right into the trap.

It was the one night stand that lasted a year and a half. Every time I tried to end it,and I tried to end it from day one, I got the crying, hysterical, jealous,"now let me get naked and threaten to slash my wrists routine".

Why did I stay with her for so long? I don't know. I guess she was really good at her job. She never did take money for sex. It was always for her kid to go to school, or she needed to bring her mother to the doctor, or she wanted to go to learn English, or she just needed a new piece of gold. And she did wear me down, and when I wanted to somehow figure out how to get away from her it was going to be just too much trouble and I'll admit that it was just easier to not do anything about it. Also, she was quite a character, extremely animated and very funny.

Ending it wasn't easy. I only had the fortitude to do it because I met someone else, whom I eventually married and am very happy with. She was really hard to get rid of and it was emotionally draining for everyone to bring the relationship to an end.

I'm just saying, "Be careful". Good luck, Guido.

[Guest]

PaulPong I don't thinh your situation is unique at all. It is my belief that there are just as many genuine bar girls, probably, more as rip off artists. This board and the Nanapong board report many many negative stories, usually coming from the same select few posters. If you visit the Thai/Farang board, you will see some more positive stories. In my 15 years of going to Thailand I have bever been riped off by a bargirl, I have however been riped off by non bargirls. I personally know of 6 bargirl farang marriages, including my own, and five of them are alive and well, and the sixth was doomed from the begining, a 50 year old man marring a 16 year old bargirl, the odds of that marrage working out are greater than winning the lottery. In my case there is no way anybody could have a finer wife than mine no matter what her back ground and education may be. I am not the only one who concurrs on that either, all my sisters, brother in laws and nieces and nephews agree, plus all my friends. Don't be put off by all the negativity you read, pay attention to it and realize that these things do happen, but also realize that they are incidents that are far less than reading these boards would have you think. I have never had one negative incident with all the many bargirls I have been with, maybe because I know the negative stories and thus pick more carefuly, just remember there are positive stories as well. Samuigeorge.