Man at Work Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 The following advice for American travellers going to France was compiled from information provided by the US State Department, the CIA, the US Chamber of Commerce, the Food and Drug Administration, the Centers for Disease Control and some very expensive spy satellites that the French don't know about. It is intended as a guide for American travellers only. General Overview France is a medium-sized foreign country situated in the continent of Europe. It is an important member of the world community, though not nearly as important as it thinks. It is bounded by Germany, Spain, Switzerlandand some smaller nations of no particular importance and with not very good shopping. France is a very old country with many treasures, such as the Louvre and EuroDisney. Among its contributions to western civilization are champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine. Although France likes to think of itself as a modern nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food. One continuing exasperation for American visitors is that local people insist on speaking French, though many will speak English if shouted at. Watch your money at all times. The People France has a population of 56 million people. 52 million of these drink and smoke (the other 4 million are small children). All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously oversexed, and have no concept of standing patiently in a queue. The French people are in general gloomy, temperamental, proud, arrogant, aloof and undisciplined; those are their good qualities. Most French citizens are Roman Catholic, though you would hardly guess it from their behaviour. Many people are communists. Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel, and they kiss eachother when they meet. American travellers are advised to travel in groups and wear baseball caps and colourful trousers for easier recognition. Safety In general, France is a safe destination, although travellers must be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany. Traditionally, the French surrender immediately and, apart from a temporary shortage of Scotch whisky and increased difficulty in getting baseball scores and stock market prices, life for the American visitor generally goes on much as before. A tunnel connecting France and Britain beneath the English channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier for the French government to flee to London during future German invasions. History Frances´ historical figures are LouisXIV, the Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an airport. Government The French form of government is democratic, but noisy elections are held more or less continuously and always result in a draw. The French love administrationso for government purposes the country is divided into regions, departments, districts, municipalities, towns, communes, villages, cafes, and telephone kiosks. Each of these has its own government and elections. Parliament consistsof two chambers, the Upper and Lower, though confusingly they are both on the ground floor, and whose members are either Gaullists or Communists, neither of whom should be trusted by the traveller. Parliament's principal occupation is setting off atomic bombs in the South Pacific and acting indignant and surprised when other countries complain. According to the most current American State Department intelligence, the President is now someone named Nicolas. Further information is not available at this time. Culture The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not easy to see why. All their music sounds the same and they have never made a movie that you would want to watch for anything but the nude scenes. Cuisine Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it, a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back. Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this word. In general, travellers are advised to stick to cheeseburgers. Economy France has a large and diversified economy, second only to Germany's in Europe, which is surprising because the French hardly work at all. If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch, they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of importance to the economy are wine, nuclear weapons, perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenadelaunchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft, miscellaneous armaments and cheese. Public Holidays France has more holidays than any other nation in the world. Among its 361 national holidays are: 197 Saints' days, 37 National Liberation Days, 16 Declaration of Republic Days, 54 Return of Charles de Gaulle in triumph as if he won the war single-handed Days, 18 Napolean sent into Exile Days, 17 Napolean Called Back from Exile Days, and 2 "France is Great and the Rest of the World is Rubbish" Days. Conclusion France enjoys a rich history, a picturesque and varied landscape, and a temperate climate. In short, it would be a very nice country if it was not inhabited by French people. The best thing that can be said for France is that it is not Germany. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Privatebk Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 Are you serious about the "sources" of this???? I am a native French speaker (although not French) and although I do not like many French people I can not believe the lack of information and knowledge of this piece of *** "Most French people are catholic"....yep sure, ask the pope what he thinks about that. "Many are communists" -> Is it written by a nephew of senator Mac Carthy???? Etc...... I laughed a lot: French cuisine for example... Come on, this is not seriously coming from some american government organizations?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elef Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 IMO this is exactly on GWBs level of understanding, but of course it can't be real because of too many wrong facts - never say never do you remember WMDs? :evil: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man at Work Posted June 21, 2007 Author Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 Are you serious about the "sources" of this???? I laughed a lot: French cuisine for example... Come on, this is not seriously coming from some american government organizations?? What is the french word for "irony" That is what this was supposed to be! MaW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Privatebk Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 Irony = Ironie......... Thanks was afraid it could be true. (Although I read the same kind of comments in real official US publications) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 What is the french word for "irony" That is what this was supposed to be! MaW I didn't see anything ironic about it. Second rate juvenile parody maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faustian Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 The second biggest economy in europe is the UKs...so that's factually inaccurate. The rest is just rubbish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kojis Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 "Are you serious about the "sources" of this????" Privatebk, how can you even ask?? Pretty funny post also. Kojis, live from London and already missing Paris Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lazyphil Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 seems the french and english have something in common, the ability to laugh at themselves! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chuckwoww Posted June 21, 2007 Report Share Posted June 21, 2007 seems the french and english have something in common, the ability to laugh at themselves! I guess if that WAS written by a French person then I missed the joke. Sorry Man at Work. Vive La France!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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