Guest Posted September 22, 2001 Report Share Posted September 22, 2001 In need of a small trim to the old barnet, I yesterday found myself in that lady barbers shop near the mouth of Sukhumwit soi 5. You've probably walked past it a few times - there are about 20 girls sitting in the brightly lit window who beckon you in with a commendable degree of enthusiasm and then immediately lose heart the moment you enter. I don't think I've ever been to such a cheerless establishment in which to have a haircut. It was quite obvious from looking around that short, ugly and dumpy were job requirements. Oh sure the girls were extremely pleasant but there's something mildly disappointing about having a girl who speaks no English whatsoever butcher your hair, while all the other girls sit in the window with cushions on their laps rabbiting about home in the north-east. Is it any wonder that I was the only one barmy enough to be having a 250 baht cut and shampoo at 5pm on a Friday afternoon. It did give me occasion however to walk the stretch of Sukhumwit from soi 5 to Robinsons soi 19 in broad daylight - and my word how it's changed since I was last there. I was familiar with the entrance to Clinton Plaza but that area seems to have gained a thousand crappy tailors shops and a given rise to a new trend which appears to be the hi-tech pool lounge. It's not possible anymore to enjoy a cheeseburger in Big Boy without listening to the constant clunk of pool balls, being chatted up by a girl with the kind of face that comes with free garlic bread, or being smacked over the head with a pool cue simply for looking at a farang the wrong way. It saddened me greatly. My main point to this post is that I received the most wonderful e-mail from a guy who thinks I've been too hard on Soi Zero - giving it a very negative write-up on my web-site. We've all debated the pluses and minuses of Buckskin Joe Village many times before, but I'd like to share his e-mail with you because it gave me a laugh. Phil I read your comments on the wonder that is Soi Zero and wish to advocate its better points. I would also appreciate any tips that you can give on good, non-girlie, entertainment venues. In defense of Soi Zero, I actually think it’s one of the better places on Sukhumvit. I admit there are bad bars, and in daylight it looks like Skegness Promenade in February, but overall it has a relaxed feel about it. I’ve been in Bkk long enough to get over the novelty of naked women on stage, and I just want somewhere to go where I can meet my friends, communicate with them without any requirement for lip-reading skills, where we don’t all have to sit in a row like the three wise monkeys plus Mickey Dolenze, where I don’t get worked for drinks, where I can play pool, where they play decent music, where I don’t have to have the “Where you come from?” conversation – again, and where the beer is reasonably priced. I found that I quickly tired of the go-go bars. Once you’ve seen them, why go back? Now, I rarely go-go, except when friends from England come visiting. I also find go-go girls particularly, and shamelessly, vain, manipulative, grasping and coarse. I’m not blaming them or particularly surprised by them, I just find the girls in Soi Zero much more easygoing and friendly. I’m not naive enough to think of them as friends, but they are pleasant enough acquaintances and good hostesses in the non-sexual sense. All this is by way of introduction to a more general point about nightlife. My point is that having lived here for 18 months and become bored with the usual places; where do you go out? It seems that whenever I have an urge to get out of my box apartment, I find my enthusiasm quickly dashed by the simple lack of enticing venues. Crossing the sexpat venues off the list, leaves precious little to choose from. Sure, there’s Siam Square where I can wind myself into a fury trying to pick my way through spoilt teenagers holding an impromptu ‘Who can have the shallowest conversation on their mobile phone’ competition, in order to get to, um – where? The Hard Rock Café? Great! I can sit in something that resembles the interior of a Little Chef on the side of the A1 and pay half my month’s salary for a small beer and a large serving of resentment. After this, I can blow the other half of my earnings on a visit to the Novatel disco and sit watching expensive hookers looking me over and deciding that I don’t earn enough. Go more Thai? Ok, what did you have in mind? Perhaps I could go to a Karaoke bar and relax on plastic garden furniture listening to someone with the vocal range of Henry Kissinger delivering a medley of China Dolls hits. If I had to choose between listening to someone singing Karaoke and the sound of my computer connecting to the Internet, then Compaq would win every time. Of course, I could go to a trendy Thai place. What about RCA? Well, I’ve never been there and, at my age, I’m never likely to. People would think that I was looking for an errant daughter. To further discourage me, the cromwellian Interior Minister has raised the specter of being required to provide a urine sample. I don’t take drugs and have nothing to fear, but the thought of having to get my knob out at the bar is enough to put me off going (literally). I’m used to pubs where the people behind the bar fill the pots and the customers empty them. I suppose I could go to Q bar, but I left all my black polo necks in England. The Lace Market area of Nottingham is full of bars like this, populated by graphic designers wearing cosmetic glasses and smoking Gaulloise fags. This being Thailand, the preferred drinks are kamikaze or red wine – chilled obviously, as it should be. Not Thai then. How about a ‘British Pub’. I’ve been to The Londoner a few times and I have to say that if they set out to design a pub with the appearance and atmosphere of a distribution warehouse on the edge of Milton Keynes, then they’ve triumphed. The home brew is also a vile abomination of a drink. It tastes like sour Vimto with a hint of chocolate. The Bull’s Head is better and more closely resembles a small town centre pub. For decent pub grub, a pretty good jukebox and a good quiz night it can’t be faulted. Its problem is that it gets absurdly busy at weekends and has too many braying jackasses in it. When I was last in there, sitting quietly reading the paper and waiting for my bangers and mash, I had to listen to this maddening ex-Etonian/Guards officer spewing on in an accent that was like someone dragging their fingernails down a blackboard. I forget the subject of his discourse but it was utterly vacuous, conducted purely for its own sake and liberally scattered with phlegmy fits of laughter at his own wit and erudition. He was one of those people who assume that either their interlocutor is profoundly deaf or their point is so fascinating that the person at the other end of the bar would wish to hear it. Other than the previously listed venues, I can only think of the grubby cocktail lounges down the road. I’m almost tempted to go in one just to find out how the hell the welcome girls earn enough money to stay so fat. They sit outside, enveloping a bar stool, shoe horned into a 30kg girl’s clothes that makes them look like a mesh bag of satsumas. If these are the welcome girls, what do they keep inside? If you have any suggestions, apart from the obvious ‘go back to England you miserable bollocks’, I’d be pleased to hear them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Long Gun Posted September 22, 2001 Report Share Posted September 22, 2001 Fabulous stuff! Never far off the mark either. Is this bloke on this board? If not please point him in this direction. Speaking of the Londoner - is there a quiz on next week? LG Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 22, 2001 Report Share Posted September 22, 2001 Sure thing Long Gun. Team of 6 required - but we'll push it to 7 this week. Like the buggers who won it last time. Show of hands Liverpool Jim (gets back to Bangkok tomorrow) Long Gun Coquete Islander Racha Jimmy Blonde Bangkok George Bangkok Phil Phiket Pete Pete Garrity Mike (Friend of Long Gun) Should get a winning team of 7 from that lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ashman Posted September 22, 2001 Report Share Posted September 22, 2001 I usually get me barnet sorted in a gaff near victory Monument. It aint too bad as it goes only fifty baht and really quick. lavly job. The thing to watch out for is getting dodgy tram lines behind yer ears, can't stand that me. As for a decent battle cruiser, ave a butchers in the Witches Tavern a bit pricey but worth checking for a couple of jars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanemay Posted September 22, 2001 Report Share Posted September 22, 2001 One trip to the "high tech pool hall" was all this hustler could stand! Woodstock has the best games going on table one and a lad had best be on his stroke or he will be sitting for a long time. I get great competition at Country Road Soi 19 (?) and enjoy The Warbler. The new place you mentioned, my god! At night it goes flourescent so you play in the dark with glowing balls - quite a good thing in other circumstances, but not for pool. Then there is the frantic atmosphere in which rushing staff try to cover high overhead. When an 8 ball falls on any of the 10 or so tables, a girl runs across the floor to collect money and rack the balls. Food orders are also filled on the fly. Meanwhile music blares at ear-killing decibels. It was so pleasant and relaxing even my very tolerant TGF could not stand it. One time, in and out, hello and goodbye. Zane May Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bushman Posted September 23, 2001 Report Share Posted September 23, 2001 Zane May I love a good game but have never been to Country Road in Soi 19 --- Looking forward to checking it out in mid November Bush Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greedisgood Posted September 23, 2001 Report Share Posted September 23, 2001 B. Phil One of the better posts on this board...ever ! I agree with LG steer this guy to nana.com Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted September 23, 2001 Report Share Posted September 23, 2001 Sorry guys, I am in Singapore MOnday night, and don't get back till late Tuesday night, long after ou have wipped the arses cheating skum! OK venom aside, hope you do get 7 guys! The post is damm good too! [ September 23, 2001: Message edited by: Jimmie Blonde ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 23, 2001 Report Share Posted September 23, 2001 I couldn't egree more on country road. The boss play a good game,and some of the girls also. They have real pooltables,not converted snookertables. See you there on monday evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 23, 2001 Report Share Posted September 23, 2001 I couldn't egree more on country road. The boss play a good game,and some of the girls also. They have real pooltables,not converted snookertables. See you there on monday evening. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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