2008 Darwin awards

[Palatkik]

Not sure if these are old or posted before, but always a good read:

 

You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado

here are the 2008 Darwin awards.

 

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to

retrieve his car keys.

 

Seventh Place

A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who 'totally zoned when he

ran,' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

 

Sixth Place

While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot hole for protection

from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When

it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach

used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach

him.

 

It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him.

Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

 

Fifth Place

Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a

bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long

flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into

the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

 

Fourth Place

Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who

said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth

and pull the trigger.

 

Third Place

After stepping around a marked police patrol car parked at the front

door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the

store.

 

The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at

the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a

hold-up and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and

a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their

guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by

Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge

cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds.

Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was

hurt.

 

HONOURABLE MENTION

Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at

2A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to

see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was

closed.

 

RUNNER UP

Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them

said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the

middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men

trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the

midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee

rope.

 

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a

coil of lineman's cable, lay near by. They secured one end around

Bingham's leg and then tied the other to the bridge. His fall lasted 40

feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.. He

miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescue d by

two nearby fishermen. Bingham's foot was never located.

 

AND THE WINNER IS...

Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn , Germany ) fed his

constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel

of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got

relief. Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to

give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast

unloaded. The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation

knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock

as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.

It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... 'Sh*t

happens'

 

IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPORTANT TO THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR REMOVING THEMSELVES

FROM THE GENE POOL !

 

[driftwood]

The runner up shouldn't be in the list, it didn't say anything about removing himself from the gene pool (kill themselves or render themselves sterile)

 

Otherwise, great list

[samak]

the winner is german and survived (but the story once more proves that germans are full of shit!)! all others were yanks and got killed!

[Tiger Moth]

Eighth Place

In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of

water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to

retrieve his car keys.

This one brought a smile to my face. When I was a kid we used to play stickball (sort of baseball like game played in the streets with a broom handle and a rubber ball. Many times we lifted a sewer grate to retrieve the ball (cost $.19). One time one of the guys was halfway into the sewer when those holding the grate dropped it. The grate grazed his head knocking him into the sewer but he was OK and able to climb out. Close to a Darwin candidate but not quite.

[Man at Work]

....germans are full of shit!)!

 

Pardon me!!

 

Until now I've kinda liked you!

[samak]

of course you are a exception! i should not have generalized, sorry!