The_Munchmaster Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 In the beginning God created day and night. He created day for footy matches, going to the beach and BBQ's. He created night for going fishing, sleeping and BBQ's, and God saw that it was good. On the Second Day, God created water - for surfing, swimming and BBQ's on the beach, and God saw that it was good. On the Third Day God created the Earth to bring forth plants - to provide malt and yeast for beer and wood for BBQs, and God saw that it was good. On the Fourth Day God created animals and crustaceans for chops, sausages, steak and prawns for BBQ's, and God saw that it was good. On the Fifth day God created a Bloke - to go to the footy, enjoy the beach, drink the beer and eat the meat and prawns at BBQ's, and God saw that it was good. On the Sixth Day God saw that the Bloke was lonely and needed someone to go to the footy, surf, drink beer, eat and stand around the barbie with. So God created Mates, and God saw that they were good Blokes, and God saw that it was good. On the Seventh Day God looked around at the twinkling barbie fires, heard the hiss of opening beer cans and the raucous laughter of all the Blokes. He smelled the aroma of grilled chops and sizzling prawns and God Saw that it was good. Well.....almost good. He saw that the Blokes were too tired to clean up and needed a rest. So God created Sheilas - to clean the house, to bear children, to wash, to cook and to clean the barbie, and then God saw that it was not just good. It was better than that, it was Bloody Awesome! IT WAS AUSTRALIA !!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bust Posted January 21, 2009 Report Share Posted January 21, 2009 To a tee munchie but that ended about 20 years ago Today you cannot get on the barbie at the local park or beach unless you stand in line behind 32,000 asian students. And when you do finally get to use the barbie an Indian family will take possession of you table in your absense. Parking will cost you $30 for the day if you can find one and add to that the $81 fine because you forgot to top up the meter.....ARGHH Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted January 22, 2009 Report Share Posted January 22, 2009 That made my day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robaus Posted January 22, 2009 Report Share Posted January 22, 2009 Bloody oath, mate. Just goes to prove it ...Australia is Godzone! 'cos God also created airports so that we could escape to LOS where Sheilas really know how to look after their blokes! :hubba: It's good also to know that Godzone Oz is protected by the finest fighting forces in the fucking world! Read this recent letter from one of my Eromanga QLD family's best! Life in the Australian Army... Dear Mum & Dad, I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all gone! I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform. No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!! Ya haz gotta shower though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don't get fed again until noon and by that time all the city boys are buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like walking to the windmill in the back paddock!! This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody possum's bum and it don't move and it's not firing back at ya like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year! All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - it's a piece of piss!! You don't even load your own cartridges, they comes in little boxes, and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo shooting truck when you reload! Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster. Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles across the shoulders and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer. I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word gets around how bloody good it is. Your loving daughter, Sheila Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbledonk Posted January 22, 2009 Report Share Posted January 22, 2009 Jesus, Rob - where did you dig that up ? Its incredibly dated - most of us are soft city boys now and even the cow cockies spend more time sitting on machinery than actually doing anything physical. That said, we are just a few (working) hours away from a 3-day weekend, courtesy of Invasion Day, and I'll be bloody happy to get away from that madhouse we call 'work'. No Anzac Day holiday in QLD this year, so I'm moving to Indonesia - they celebrate every holiday known to man : Buddhist, Hindu, Christian, Muslim and National. Now that's what I call a Lucky Country :smirk: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted January 23, 2009 Report Share Posted January 23, 2009 The army letter has been banging around the internet for years. Originally, it was a hillbilly from West Virginia or wherever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 Another great one :thumbup: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flashermac Posted January 24, 2009 Report Share Posted January 24, 2009 I like the one about moving Australia to the Caribbean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gobbledonk Posted January 25, 2009 Report Share Posted January 25, 2009 Thanks Flasher - I now have bloody 'Dreadlock Holiday' stuck in my freakin' head ! Next it'll be 'Im Not in Love' : where will this pain end ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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