Too Good Not To Be Shared.

[up2you2]

The following is from the Phuket News Editor's viewpoint.

 

Valuable lessons from Phuket's taxi heroes.

 

 

This week it was announced that the us Postal Service (USPS) is in deep trouble, with huge debts it is about to default on.

 

See page 17 for the full story, but briefly, USPS boss Patrick Donahoe wants to close thousands of post offices and lay off anywhere between 120,000 and quarter of a million workers.

 

The postal workers, naturally, are not happy with his plans.

 

The culprit in all of this is new thinking, new ideas. Specifically, email. "We're going to fight this and ... fight it hard," said the union boss.

 

The Phuket News believes the postal workers should follow the example of the taxi and tuk-tuk drivers of Phuket, also under threat from new ways of doing things, such as tour firm drivers or, further down the road, perhaps, a mass transit rail system.

 

So here's our advice to the postal workers:

 

Organise mobs. Actually, they've probably thought of that already - marching on the White House en masse.

 

But what's needed is to tackle the root cause. To stop people using email and put the delivery of mail back in the reliably efficient hands of the postal workers:

 

. Threaten ISPs with violence in order to encourage them to stop providing email services.

 

. Visit Internet cafes and private homes. Thump anyone caught using email. If they end up in the ICU, so much the better. After all, it's their fault for breaking the rules.

 

. Smash their computer screens, preferably with a piece of iron pipe. That'll teach 'em.

 

. If anyone has a real emergency they may be allowed to use email, but they must be able to produce a voucher or certificate from a doctor, policeman or other relevant authority figure certifying this is a genuine emergency.

 

. Within a year, take control of the email system entirely; insist that all emails be sent only by postal workers. Tins will create more jobs, which is good, isn't it?

 

. Estimate the number of emails likely to be sent in any one year through the USPS monopoly. Multiply it by three and that's the number of postal workers whose job it will be to handle them.

 

Turning now to Phuket's transport problems, there is a rumour that pony-and-cart operators plan to block the road to the airport and demand that all tuk-tuks, taxis and other new technology be banned from the roads.

 

 

I would like to add my own recommendations, others can add theirs:

 

· Lay siege to the US fibre optic entry points of Northport and Island Park.

 

· Anybody caught relaxing on the beach for example, is press ganged into writing and dispatching one hundred messages in a bottle by the jet ski operators.

 

· Those entering a shopping mall have to automatically write and dispatch 100 hundred post cards.

 

· The re-introduction of large carrier pigeon aviaries on street corners to offer and provide a premium service.

 

· Those caught loitering near IT stores, will be robbed, raped and pillaged.

 

· Repetitive offenders will be publicly pilloried in medieval stocks outside supermarkets, and forced to recant and confess.

For those that are reticent thumb screws will be applied, that should cure all those who suffer with Blackberry thumb once and for all.

Sharia law is also under consideration.

 

· A campaign of civil disobedience is started.

The stealing and melting down of all the copper telephone cables is encouraged, claiming they are not environmentally friendly.

[Coss]

 

very amusing

 

but so true