Tragic News.

[sayjann]

i wish to indulge myself if i can.

probably in the wrong section but i don't know where to put it.

i need to talk for myself and others and i feel i am part of a family on this board.

 

have many of you suffered the suicide of a family member or close friend?

 

in 2000 my mum visited friends in florida when she was aged around 60 and met a man.

he was hungarian by birth and escaped the country during the soviet takeover and for many years was a chronic alcoholic.

but he finally sorted himself out and for 20 years was a member of AA and helped many others.

had a good job/house and was respected in the community.

my mum used to spend 6 months of the year with him in florida and was so happy after the death of my step-dad a few months earlier.

i visited in 2005 and found him to be a great person and very intelligent and had all sorts of stories.

 

during the late 2000's he decided to move back to hungary after he was finally given his citizenship back.

he wanted to be back with his family again after so many years away.

my mum used to visit the family in hungary every year and has become great friends with them.

she last visited in may for his mothers 99th birthday as she was invited to go and celebrate.

but he lapsed and began drinking again and became an embarrasement to his family.

 

today my mum got a call from one of his relatives saying he had hung himself,seems planned as all relevant documents pertaining to his life were carefully laid out in order.

the news came through in the early morning and when told his 99 y.o. mother had a cardiac arrest and is now seriously ill in hospital.

the worse part is that when the rest of the family arrived home during the day they had to break the news to various relatived and i imagine that is so hard.

my mum,although split up from him is so devastated and while i only met him once over a 3 week period i am so sad for her/his family and of course him.

nobody has any idea what he might have been going through the last few weeks/months.

 

to make matters worse the phonecall from a cousin of his came through when mum and i were having a little party with some friends and 4 of them had met him and liked him.

as you can imagine the atmosphere was sombre when she announced the news and people left to let her grieve.

i did'nt know him that well but he made my mum happy and i liked that.

 

i've never been in this situation before,knowing someone who took their own life and don't really know how to react at the moment.

spookily mum and i have been downloading pix of her visits to florida the last couple of days and they looked so happy.

the funeral will take place in about 2/3 weeks and if mum goes i will feel obliged to go with her.

i know none of his family but would love to meet them,i know i would be made very welcome.

 

i'm sorry if i've droned on but i just needed to talk about the situation and just get things out in the open for my own piece of mind at the moment.

sorry if this is totally inapproatiate for this board.

[Flashermac]

No family or friend suicides, but I have known 4 people who were murdered - one a very close family friend I grew up calling uncle, one a university prof who was apparently killed because he was gay, and two friends who were done in (apparently) by their wives. Such things are always hard to take, because they seem so senseless. It takes a while to get used to what has happened. Just take a deep breath and maybe open a bottle of wine.

[Guest lazyphil]

my grand dad who was a army medic serving with the desert rats in north africa had an affair with an australian nurse-for some reason he told his wife on return and she took her life broken hearted. so my mother grew up without a mother from the age of 13-he was mentioned in dispatches for acts of outstanding bravery yet wrecked the family life when he returned. post traumatic stress wasn't heard of then......?its all in the past and my mum came to terms with a long time ago i think, or hope so

[sayjann]

interesting posts from friends.

 

obviously phil you never knew your grandma and while you might you might not what your mother felt/thought over the years it must have hurt her no end knowing what happened during her life.

 

flash,while this person was a relative stranger to me,it means something to me that others remember him and have expressed their sorrow.

at the moment my mum is writing e-mails to people them of the news and i imagine the shock.

 

in the past i have known friends die through accidents etc and others i have slightly known through work problems and took their lives under pressure.

but this is someone who was close to a lot of other people and they are shocked.

but tonight mum and i had plans for a takeaway and watching football on the tv,i think i might buy a bottle of wine for us to drink during the evening if she wants to.

[Coss]

Sayjann, my condolences to you and yours.

 

Please as noted above, take a deep breath and open some wine.

 

Life is precious, and when someone ends it early, it is a tragedy we all should note.

[gobbledonk]

Sayjann, my condolences to you and yours.

 

Please as noted above, take a deep breath and open some wine.

 

Life is precious, and when someone ends it early, it is a tragedy we all should note.

 

Agree on all points.

 

My sister and her husband are in their mid-60s, and attend (on average) a funeral a week. Last 2 have been men in their early 60s who have simply dropped dead. A co-worker is in his mid-twenties and seems to have a day off work roughly once every two months to attend funerals/wakes - all kids in their twenties, most vehicle accidents but some due to cancer. Our little town also has its share of suicides, most under 50.

 

All of the above is happening in a town of 7000 people - add surrounding areas and its still less than 10,000 people. I may have been born here, but I have no plans to die here, and thats one of the reasons I started my countdown thread.

[sayjann]

i left mum alone for a couple of hours to let her just reflect.

we had the takeaway/watched the footie on the telly and just enjoyed a bottle of wine.

afterwards we talked about going to the funeral and she said she probably would'nt go.

she knows the ex-wife will turn up and cause strife among his family and she wants no part of that.

as i'm in thailand for christmas and new year she has decided not to be alone and go to hungary to be with his family.

they adore her and she will have bad times as i imagine talk will come around to him but she will be spending the period with people who will show her a traditional hungarian celebration.

i'm glad she has made this decision as she will not be on her own and will be with people who will look after her.

 

today(wed)i will be taking her to a spa with a friend which has been arranged for months

swimming pool/sauna/jaccuzi/massage/high tea with wine and anything else they want to pay extra for.

it will give her the chance to talk to a friend and be pampered at the same time.

i know it's not a good time for her but if she can just have a good time for a few hours then that makes me happy.

[sayjann]

a strange twist to this tale.

the fella had been living in an apartment with a fellow alcoholic(female)and as customary it was a meeting place for all the drinkers to meet and drink.

he had a relative in the USA(born and bred)who was still close to his foreign relatives and he flew to hungary to take legal matters in hand.

it seems he soon badgered the police and after police interviews with his 'chums' another story emerged.

it seems the drinkers were playing a game where they placed nooses around thier necks and any object beneath their feet were taken away and procedded to see who could last the longest before giving up and taking the noose off.

whoever lasted the longest would win a bottle of the local spirit.

while he lost the game and died it's still strange to me.

when found(alone)all his effects were placed in order and all financial affairs/will etc taken care of.

i think this 'game' was an excuse for him to end his life and he planned to lose.

 

my mum is totally confused about this type of suicide,she maintains that if he had intended to end it all then it would have been an easier way,more likely drink and tablets.

that is the way i would want to go if i was that depressed/desparate.......a bottle of something and pills and go to sleep.

[zzzz]

Last month my sister committed suicide after gambling away the money in my father's estate for which she was the executor. Oxycondone overdose. RIP.

[Dexi]

Sad story....did you lose out on your inheritance ?