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Newbie in Bangkok - Part II

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Guest

Guest

Posted
Posted

I awoke at 11.00 am.

 

 

 

By my reckoning I had had about three hours sleep and I wasn?t going to sleep any longer. The room was a tip and my mouth felt like the bottom of a parrot?s cage. If I had a shower and some clean clothes I would feel better surely? In a few minutes perhaps.

 

 

 

I clawed around for the TV remote control and began idly flicking through the 40 channels (28 of which were actually tuned in). It was a toss-up between MTV (?Guaranteed ? No Boy Bands!!?) or Discovery Channel (?This man swims with sharks for fun!?). Well, the guy might swim with sharks, but I take lunatics back to my room so get your cameras over here boys, I?ll show you a bloody Discovery.

 

 

 

 

 

I lay in bed flicking between Sharkman and Britney for about 15 minutes, blatantly ignoring the notice on the opposite wall which politely asked guests not to smoke in bed. Eventually I was forced to get up when it all got too boring ? they weren?t proper sharks and Britney might not be ?a girl and not yet a woman? but what did I care? ? and this was wasting time. Precious time.

 

 

 

I was right. The shower and the clean kit made a 100% difference. I was nearly ready to hit the world, but first of all I tidied up the room a bit so that the maid wouldn?t think I was a total slob and to remove any evidence of contravening the no smoking in bed rule. See ya later Sharkman. I?m in Bangkok Britney and by the way ? if you were here I wouldn?t look twice at you. I?m not that innocent?

 

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One of the great things about Asia generally, and Bangkok in particular, is that it is fairly pointless bringing loads of clothes with you. Just buy new ones when you get there. I picked up some polo shirts and other stuff and wandered about Sukhumvit just mooching about and getting hotter and hotter.

 

 

 

I?d only been out for about 20 minutes when I decided to dive back to the hotel to drop off my shopping and maybe have another shower (!) but was diverted by the Internet Café across the road from the Dynasty Inn (?50 baht for 15 minutes ? We do not charge by the minute?). I checked my email and saw that I had received a long-distance nagging missive from the ?not-wife? back home. I dashed off a vague reply and then paid up and left. Outside it was raining. Warm rain. Jesus? I only got about 10 yards along the pavement when I was aware of footsteps running up behind me and a guy shouting. I wheeled around to confront the guy from the Internet Café who was holding a fistful of baht notes. ?You dropped your money, Sir?

 

 

 

Well ? what could I say? ?Thank you? was a good start and I reckoned that a small token of my appreciation wouldn?t go amiss. Now, just try dropping your cash on the floor anywhere in London and see how far you get followed with it. Just don?t drop too much eh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After another shower I watched the last of the rain from a window seat in the Dynasty Inn. Street-watching in Bangkok has to be one of the best pastimes I had engaged in ? it?s a movie. I remember seeing something that I?d never come across before. A blind man with a mobile karaoke machine around his neck being guided along by a sighted friend whilst singing. Kind of sad, but ingenious.

 

 

 

 

 

Time to have a wander again. This time I turned left onto Sukhumvit and loped along in my new fake polo shirt. I walked past a ?McDonalds? and a modern shopping centre, negotiated a road junction and then, rather nervously, crossed a single railway line. On my left there was a dark cavernous row of bars underneath a flyover. I decided to check it out. I was hot again and a Coke might be nice. Time to go troglodyte?

 

 

 

I hadn?t got too far down the tunnel of bars when two girls from one of the bars ? ?Bottoms Up?, kidnapped me. Ah, sweet! What the hell. I?ll have a drink here. Never mind the Coke, I?ll have a beer. In fact, why don?t you and your friend have a drink as well? Yes, both of you. Whatever you like. Oh ? a cold flannel for my shiny face. How considerate. This really is very nice you know.

 

 

 

There were five girls in the bar and I was being ministered to by the two kidnappers. I was the subject of much amusement and my presence no doubt relieved what was rather a boring afternoon for all of them. I don?t speak Thai and they didn?t speak much English. However they were quite happy to teach me. I suspect that most of the phrases were somewhat risqué and that they had found a new game. The man who would repeat anything! Such fun.

 

 

 

The slimmer of the two girls reminded me of someone. Someone famous. It?s the mouth and the nose. Now who the hell does she remind me of?

 

 

 

Victoria Beckham. That?s it! Jesus, she really does have a look of Posh Spice. No way! A Thai Victoria Beckham but with more personality than the real one. Brilliant!

 

 

 

?I?ll tell you what I want, what I really, really want ? another Carlsberg please. Oh ? and of course another couple for yourselves?

 

 

 

I explained my joke which the other girl ?got? immediately. Victoria having being duly complimented became increasingly tactile. Nice girl. How?s David?s foot then Vicky??

 

 

 

You know?I was having a great time.

 

 

 

?Victoria? kept repeating something in Thai which by her expression was obviously important. I couldn?t get it. It sounded like ?Casey?. She switched to English:

 

 

 

?You, Me, Same. Same?

 

 

 

Her friend assisted ? You. Her. Same. Same. Same. Same? Much laughter.

 

 

 

Oh ? I get it! We are both the same ? the same souls adrift on this beautiful planet, spinning away in an infinite universe. Yeah. Cool Victoria. Really cool.

 

 

 

?Me KC. Me KC? KC? Funny that ? as well as a MacDonald?s, I had seen a Drive-Through Kentucky Fried Chicken across the road from where I had walked. This girl was a fan of Colonel Saunders finger-licking good chicken products ? ?KFC???

 

 

 

?No ? KC. KC? More laughter.

 

 

 

Oh ? I give up. I?ll have another beer. And a cigarette. I decided to offer one to Victoria.

 

 

 

?Do you smoke?? I said, offering one of my Benson and Hedges.

 

 

 

The reaction to this was very curious. Every girl in the bar had heard me and burst into hysterical laughter.

 

 

 

?She smoke. She smoke? shouted the girl behind the bar. Victoria looked sheepish but naughty. ?She smoke. You smoke??

 

 

 

?Yes, I smoke? I said. The bar erupted into laughter.

 

 

 

There was a metallic clanking noise in the dark recesses of my brain. It was the sound of the penny dropping. ?Smoke? of course meant ?blowjob?. Now it was my turn to laugh. Boy, we kept the smoking joke going for the next ten minutes. Now what was all this about ?KC??.???

 

 

 

Clang!!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I think that was a rather larger penny dropping from a rather greater height. ?Victoria? was certainly the same as me. But in a rather more biological way than I had originally thought.

 

 

 

Philosophical thoughts. I was enjoying myself. I had no intention of taking anyone back to my hotel from this bar in any case. What?s the problem? If Victoria was a man (sort of) then so what? She?s a person isn?t she? I?m having a good time. I?ve been around the block a few times and I?m not going to act like a maiden aunt just because Vicky was really a Ricky. No ? I?ll have another beer and we?ll just carry on. They can take the piss out of me and if I get bored with them twittering about me then I can just watch the tropical fish in the tank opposite.

 

 

 

So I stayed a bit longer and had a few more thoughts. There was no attempt at trying to fool me into any kind of a situation. It occurred to me that for a ladyboy or katoey or whatever to play that kind of game would be in a very vulnerable position. I reflected on some of the stories I had heard about guys getting a ?surprise? and started to doubt the veracity of these accounts. If that?s your thing then so what? Why dress it up? Maybe I am completely wrong but I met a few of these exotic girls (to all intents and purposes they are girls) and all of them were completely upfront about their identity. Oh ? and all of them liked Kentucky Fried Chicken!!

 

 

 

 

 

I eventually took my leave from the Bangkok Spice Girls with much laughter and promises to pop in again (and I did ? the day after, and the day after that. They were nice people after all and the world sure is short of them) and went back to the hotel for another shower, another change of clothes and a bit of a rest.

 

 

 

The Sharkman had long departed. ( ?Witness the fury of the storm ? tonight - only on the Discovery Channel? ) and somebody had hit Britney one too many times with a Nine Inch Nail so I didn?t tarry too long in the Dynasty Inn although it was already dark outside. There was a Vietnam War film on Home Box Office and I guess I must have drifted off into a light sleep whilst watching it? (Cue wobbly picture and harp music)?

 

 

 

Baht? Check.

 

Cigarettes? Check.

 

Lighter? Check.

 

 

 

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to enter the Nana Entertainment Plaza. Remember ? you are a newbie. You have been briefed by the bulletin board and have some idea of what to expect. Don?t do anything stupid. Do not bar-fine the first girl you see. Do not get drunk. Enjoy yourself Carew ? but remember ? take care out there. Okay ? let?s do it?

 

 

 

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I liked the NEP. In fact I really liked it. I actually liked it a little too much. I hadn?t discovered the Thermae and the Nana Disco at this stage remember, but even so I?ll always go back to NEP as it is an easy evening out. I started off in a few bars. I bought a few drinks (remembering my mission briefing not to get pissed) for myself and various girls, some of whom were friends of Colonel Saunders, some of whom weren?t.

 

 

 

The first go-go bar I went to I was not impressed with. It was a small one on the first floor upstairs called, I think, ?The Three Roses?. Not very big. About 6 girls wibbling about on a small stage looking a tad pissed off (couldn?t blame ?em) and about 4 other customers. I felt a bit conspicuous just sitting there and although I was joined by one of the ?resting? girls who was almost right up my street, there was no real spark in me. One of the dancers was also very shouty and noisy; older than the others she seemed almost an intimidating presence for them. Whether I read it right or not it matters not. I drank up, paid up and left.

 

 

 

I went to ?Playskool? downstairs. Ah ? the real deal. Much better. Some of the girls were topless. Whatever. They were all lovely and I saw one girl that I was inches away from making THE DECISION about. She had quite short hair and as this is a little different it always get my attention.

 

 

 

THE DECISION was not made though. I was in ?kid in a sweet-shop? mode. Y?see, as soon as the dancers changed I would see another one. A better one. THE DECISION reared its head (well something raised its head) but I didn?t make it. Well ? they changed dancers again and ? jeez ? that last one that was better than the one before that I mentioned? Another one was on the stage that was more to my liking than the one before and the one before that and the one before that and the one before that?and then they changed the dancers again!!! And still THE DECISION was nagging away and still I daren?t make it because ?Look!? ? there?s another one that?s even more up my street. ?Stop doing this to me PLEASE?.

 

 

 

I need air.

 

 

 

I left NEP briefly and walked left, past my hotel, crossed the road and went to a place called ? oh what was it called? ? it was in the same row as some place called Cruisers (ooh er) and a disco that girls had been handing out flyers for outside NEP. Anyway, it was a little beer bar and it had a little fish tank. One of the fish only had one eye. There was a lobster in there as well (the fish tank ? not the bar).

 

 

 

Maybe I should have stayed in this bar ( Yeah right! ) because what happened next nearly cooked my goose. In the final part of this report I will relate ? admit really ? how I stood on the slippery slope and looked down; I bar-fined a girl and felt genuine feelings for this girl. The ?L? word wasn?t a million miles away. So, so dangerous. So, so, very, very dangerous for my sanity.

 

 

 

So here goes.

 

 

 

I left the one-eyed fish and the lobster (and a very nice bargirl) and returned to NEP. I went into ?Voodoo? on the ground floor. The standard was the same as Playskool and I was seated and attended to by a girl with the uniform of ? I think ? the Crown Group.

 

 

 

Only one change of dancers happened before I saw her. THE DECISION, which had almost given up for the night, finally found employment and deployment. No messing about, THE DECISION was made. It had to be her. She was a little too far away from where I was sitting but she knew I was looking (staring with a stupid grin) at her and returned the look as she danced. At the end of the session she joined me and put her arms around me. Err ? wow! After only about 10 minutes though she said ?I have to go now?

 

 

 

?Uhhh??

 

 

 

?I have to dance?

 

 

 

?Uhh??(disappointed)

 

 

 

Another lesson learned. Don?t mess about. I beckoned the waitress and indicated to her that I really, really wanted to meet the girl that I had been sat with.

 

 

 

?You show me?

 

 

 

Well ? it was a little more complicated than that. The girl ? B ? was back on the stage but had got up on a revolving podium.

 

 

 

?Her? I said ? pointing frantically as the podium span her away.

 

 

 

?That girl??

 

 

 

?No, not her, wait?.wait?wait?now?Her, her!!? ?B? was grinning away. She knew what I was doing but she was on the bloody Magic Roundabout and every time I tried identifying her to the waitress I ended up pointing at Dylan or Dougal or Florence. Anyone but ?B?. What a bloody pantomime this is turning out to be! ?She?s behind you? ?Oh no she?s not? ?Oh yes she is?

 

 

 

Finally I was handed a torch (flashlight) by the waitress. Oh No! Please ? I don?t have to shine a bloody light on her do I? I think I?m going off this idea?

 

 

 

?B? saved the day and waved. Great.

 

 

 

I paid a bar-fine of 600 baht. ?B? got changed and looked even more stunning. The short walk to the hotel was made. I was jabbering away with all sorts of nonsense. Did she want something to eat? No. Something to drink? No.

 

 

 

In my room she wasn?t remotely interested in the TV either. I wonder if she is in a hurry? She wasn?t. She stayed all night.

 

 

 

And that is the problem.

 

 

 

It was a brilliant night. It wasn?t all bone-jumping madness. It was like ? no it was exactly as if ? I had met a girl at a disco or a club or a pub. It was when I was 19 (18 years ago actually) and had the greatest love of my life. The first one. The one that you never meet again but at the time you don?t realise that all you are going to have is memories and, in my case, second best for the next couple of decades.

 

 

 

Basically guys, I forgot where I was ? literally and metaphorically. I was breaking my own rule. The one that said that I was engaging in a transaction. A very pleasant transaction ? but a transaction nonetheless. And did I care? Did I hell. I was lost. Terribly lost. I was at the top of the slide and ready to go down head first ( Ha! Now that?s just reminded me of something!)

 

 

 

In the morning she went to go. I realised that she was going and I felt terrible! She asked me if I was okay. I was choked. Of course I wasn?t bloody okay I thought. What I said was ?Yes ? are you?? or something equally lame. I gave her 2000 baht. I would have given her 10000 for some more time. But of course ? she would have been quite happy to take it and of course she would have stayed. That?s the way it works I reminded myself.

 

 

 

I had relived a dream. Unfortunately I had opened Pandora?s box in doing so. A lot of stuff that I thought I had buried away years ago had flown out and smacked me.

 

 

 

After she left the room I paced about. I had to get a grip, grow up and stop being so bloody stupid. Get a sense of proportion. Rationalise the whole experience. Get the demons back in the box. Re-plan future strategies with these beautiful girls. Pace, pace, pace.

 

 

 

I flopped down on the bed.

 

 

 

There was only one thing for it.

 

 

 

?These creatures live at the bottom of the deepest oceans. They have not been seen by human eyes until now. Next on the Discovery Channel we take a trip to their strange and alien world??

 

 

 

 

 

Next Episode: Thermae, Edens, Angels. The learning curve continues??

 

 

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phoenix Newbie

phoenix

Posted
Posted

>She stayed all night.

 

 

 

And that is the problem.

 

 

 

It was a brilliant night. It wasn?t all bone-jumping madness. It was like ? no it was exactly as if ? I had met a girl at a disco or a club or a pub. It was when I was 19 (18 years ago actually) and had the greatest love of my life. The first one. The one that you never meet again but at the time you don?t realise that all you are going to have is memories and, in my case, second best for the next couple of decades.

 

 

 

Basically guys, I forgot where I was ? literally and metaphorically. I was breaking my own rule. The one that said that I was engaging in a transaction. A very pleasant transaction ? but a transaction nonetheless. And did I care? Did I hell. I was lost. Terribly lost. I was at the top of the slide and ready to go down head first ( Ha! Now that?s just reminded me of something!) <

 

 

 

Hi Carew,

 

 

 

I enjoyed your report. Much of it rang a bell, especially the bit I quoted above. In a recent post ("Letters from Issan- how it started"or something like that), I describe meeting 'Nok' in Voodoo late at night, about two years ago, as a newbie.

 

 

 

Thank you, you've brought it all back to me. Oh, to be able to be a newbie again! alas, never again, now I'm too cynical.

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Fiery Jack Newbie

Fiery Jack

Posted
Posted

"Wow someone who remembers the magic roundabout!!! I think the girl in question was actually Zebedie. . ."

 

 

 

Steady on there Fred, mate ? the cute mini-skirted little floozie on Magic Roundabout was called Florence. There was another bird called Rosalie but nobody remembers her, and Ermintrude the pink cow was female too. The gravel-throated dude with a spring up his arse, Zebedee, though, was definitely a bloke: he even had a 'tache (possibly a katoey, then wink.gif. Or a policeman frown.gif).

 

 

 

"Time for bed, children!" as Zeb used to say ("boing!") smile.gif.

 

 

 

J wink.gif

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