Of bad girls and babies

[ranma500]

Sorry, no sex involved.

 

 

 

Believe me, really sorry!

 

 

 

All names changed etc. etc.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reached town on Saturday to find that my electricity meter had been taken out in my absence, so stayed in a hotel for a couple of days, and was taken by Noi to meet her family and daughter in Chonburi. Neither Noi nor her family speak any English at all. I actually think Noi does understand English but chooses not to. But then, I have no idea what she is thinking at any time, and much of the person she presents to me is a total fiction I am entirely sure. I know that only because the facts of her life change frequently as she fails to remember what she has previously told me.

 

 

 

It was Albert Brooks who said that you should always try to find a woman just attractive enough to turn you on. Any extra leads to problems. Noi is unfortunately way, way too attractive.

 

 

 

However, she has never actually asked me for money. Actually not true, she has once. Since I was temporarily homeless I had only one change of clothes, and she decided that since I had worn the same clothes for ten hours, I smelled and much change immediately. She asked for money to go and buy me a new outfit. I now sport a nice pair of denim flares and a bright orange check shirt with a wonderfully wide collar.

 

 

 

I wasn't going to take her to Chonburi. Much as I adore her, I just don't know that she has any real warmth or kindness in her, and meeting her family seemed like rather too large a step - for her and for me. Besides, I'm sure she has a Thai boyfriend.

 

 

 

But that was before Sunday night and Moy.

 

 

 

Moy is a bad girl. She is in fact, quite wonderfully bad. She drinks till she pukes - and it takes a lot, is a total and sometimes maniacal speed-addict, is covered with tattoos, and lies at every possible opportunity. Part-time she recruits young virgins for prostitution from small towns. A while back we went to see a film together and when she saw the gun the guy was using, she told me she could get me one for about two hundred pounds. She used to be the star of the Hollywood bar show, and without going into too much detail, it didn't involve much singing and dancing. Then the police shut down the shows, and she has never quite got over her fall from fame. She has achieved a quite admirable amount of badness in her mere 21 years. Not to mention that in the time I was with her she managed to give me three different varieties of nasty social disease.

 

 

 

When I met her three months ago she was pregnant. She tried vaguely to insinuate that I was the father, but even she had to admit the biological impossibility presented by the six thousand mile distance between us.

 

 

 

When I bumped into her on the street on Sunday night, she was no longer pregnant. The baby was 'tam ngork' - no longer there. We went to have a drink, and she told me that the removal had cost her 5000 baht. She had got the money by stealing it from her friend Donald, who she has known for five years, and who she was as much in love with as she could be with any man. What upset her was that now he wouldn't speak to her, and had gone so far as to say that he hated her and didn't want to see her ever again. She started to sob almost uncontrollably. The problem is that as bad as Moy is, there is a part of me that always thinks that in her position I would probably have stolen the five thousand baht too. And it is only about eighty quid. Did this guy really have to treat her like that for eighty quid? But of course, there was probably more to the story than I heard. There always is with Moy.

 

 

 

But Moy and I go way back. I remember the night I spent trawling the bus stations after Bangkok had dumped just too much shit on her, and she decided she was getting the next bus to Burma. And I remember when she went on an amphetamines binge that left her so fucked up that I had to force her onto a bus and take her to her grandparents.

 

 

 

It was also embarrassing sitting with her sobbing in the bar. It was an open air bar as well - incredibly hot you see, and I was sweating.

 

 

 

So of course after I took her back to my hotel room, I had to take a shower, and truly, honest to God, that really is precisely why when Noi arrived I was with Moy, wearing only a towel.

 

 

 

There are many, many situations in Thailand where I feel extremely awkward, yet Thais seem often to take such scenes in their stride, and it felt like the only awkward person in this situation was me. There were no scenes, no shouting, no violence. Noi and Moy introduced themselves. I had told Moy about Noi, and Moy recounted everything to Noi that I had told her, and how much I had said I liked Noi. She told Noi that we were old friends and that she had been very upset, and I had been kind to her. Sometimes, for all her bad habits, Moy surprises me with her basic decency.

 

 

 

It was agreed by them that as penance for putting them both into this situation, I must immediately take them both out and pay for drinks for them and most of their friends, and probably food as well. And the following day I must take Noi to Chonburi.

 

 

 

We went drinking, and after about eight mehkong-cokes my awkwardness faded. I managed to hook Moy up with a nice young Japanese man, and negotiated an unreasonably high fee for Moy. Moy likes Japanese men because they have small penises and often don't even get to use them because they like to get drunk, so generally pass out. In the morning she tells them they had sex with her, shows them some apparently used condoms, and they pay up. She left happy.

 

 

 

The following morning we got up early, and just after we got on the bus, my drunkenness faded and I was hit by the mother of all hangovers. I spent much of the journey in the toilet vomiting into the filthy bowl, ignoring the frantic knocks on the door by the other passengers.

 

 

 

When I finally returned to my seat, pale, sweating, and reeking of not only my own vomit but all the hideous aromas of a third-class bus toilet, Noi did not seem entirely enamoured of me. The factories of the suburbs merged into a sea of grey, and I had to ask Noi again where it was we were going. I forget to ask why I was going.

 

 

 

Noi's daughter is nine months old, and is called a name which one cannot really write in English. I suppose one would write it Gew, but you would always pronounce that wrong. It is more like Gail, but substituting a 'w' for the 'l'. Or maybe you would write Gayo. Noi works in Bangkok, and so her daughter lives with her older sister. The result is that of course Gayo now looks upon the sister as her mother, and when handed to Noi started to cry.

 

 

 

I found this very sad, and presumed it would be heartbreaking to a mother. But Noi didn't really seem to mind, or if she did, she didn't let it show. But in Thailand, practicality seems to often overcome emotions. But I must admit I would have liked Noi more if she had been a little bit more upset, and shown a little bit more maternal instinct towards her daughter.

 

 

 

The relatives all came round, and lots of food was cooked, some tasty, some positively repellant like the 'larb luat', raw minced pork in blood and bile, a concoction that looks like a failed medical experiment. My contribution was beer and whisky. We all sat cross-legged on the concrete stoop amidst cardboard boxes, bits of motorbike, and assorted construction materials. Thais don't throw much away. Certainly it would seem that if they buy a new electrical appliance, they never, ever throw the box away. It is soon given a new function.

 

 

 

A cooking pot and an old plastic tub were turned into musical instruments, and the Issan singing started. The family are all from the Issan province, a place called Nongkhai, almost in Laos. I was encouraged to join in. I took my turn on the drums, but couldn't quite manage the songs. My best contribution was the chorus of the Chelsea Football Club anthem which seemed to delight them, and is unfortunately the only song for which I know all the words apart from Happy Birthday.

 

 

 

Gradually the men got drunker and started interrupting each other's songs, and knowing that no good party anywhere is complete without a fight, I retired to the small room where the women and children were watching a ghost film on TV about a giant plastic dragon that was nudging people to death. The room was just large enough for a double mattress and a TV but eleven of us seemed to fit in okay. The children were from all over the neighbourhood, and at about one or two in the morning gradually wandered off home, till only the family remained. When the fight outside did indeed break out, the women ran out to intervene and generally add to the shouting. It seemed that they were saying things like 'Why do you always get drunk like this? You always have to ruin the party don't you? Do you have any idea how embarrassing it is for me? Why can't you be more like your brother?' It seemed not terribly different to situations I'd witnessed back home.

 

 

 

Noi did perhaps the most sensible thing which was to subtly remove the chopping knife from the area and hide it away.

 

 

 

I decided that maybe I should stay indoors and keep out of it, and besides, the baby had been entirely forgotten and was sitting alone looking entirely forlorn. She had only cried once all evening, when given to her mother, but it seemed likely to start again. I grabbed a small plastic shark which was nearby and tried to distract the baby with it. I made it swim along the mattress and under the blanket. At first the baby had no idea where the shark had gone and looked for it in my hands. But after repeating the exercise a few times, and showing that the shark had not disappeared but was just under the blanket, the baby seemed to understand the vital difference between concealment and disappearance. I was quite proud of contributing something to the baby's education, and for one small, brief second, was given a glimpse of what someone might get out of parenting.

 

 

 

However, the shouting had now reached a peak and seemed to be accompanied by banging and painful noises as well, and soon my most frantic attempts at distraction were failing, and Gayo started crying. I was terrified that I might actually have to pick her up, but thankfully her mother / aunt returned and took care of her. She was followed by her drunken husband who apologised for the disruption and said that some of the others had too much too drink. I noticed that he had a one baht coin in his ear, and asked him why. He said it was useful in case he ever needed to make a phone call.

 

 

 

When we left shortly afterwards, lightning was flashing across the sky, but no motorbike was in sight. We walked through the pouring rain back to my hotel for what seemed like hours. This pissed Noi off mightily. For some reason she seemed to blame me for this predicament, in spite of the fact I had no idea where I was, and had assumed that she was more likely to understand the local transportation system. Noi had been going to stay overnight with her brothers and sisters, but she had apparently decided not to. Halfway home she regretted this move, and threatened to leave me. Not to be mean, but really because I meant it, I could only respond 'Whatever you want.' She grabbed my hand and marched on. Her face was contorted into a disgruntled grimace, her long hair plastered to her head, her T-shirt sodden and clinging to her body, and I wanted to take her right then, right there, in the gutter if I had to.

 

 

 

We walked home in silence.

 

 

 

Back home we didn't talk about the evening. Just before she went to sleep, Noi sighed and said only, 'I am so, so bored with my family'.

 

 

 

I took the fact that she had gone to bed fully clothed to imply that my desires for her would not be fulfilled.

 

 

 

I was incredibly cold. I covered myself with the bedclothes and shivered. My head started to hurt and my legs ached. I warmed up, but so rapidly that I started to sweat and had to throw the bedclothes off. In her sleep, Noi had tried to entwine her body with mine. She obviously had mistaken me for someone else. I prised off her limbs, but they quickly moved around me again, making me only hotter and more constricted. Finally, pushed to the very edge of the bed, I got out, went around, and got in again the other side. I could not get to sleep, because I had a very tricky problem to solve. It was a pattern to do with numbers. They didn't match, you see. I could only make three of the eight, and no one would understand that it didn't work Most frustratingly, Noi didn't understand. I was quite delirious, my head swimming with impossible rubbish, and my only rational thought was to realise that I was going to wake up incredibly ill, and had I renewed my health insurance? There was also the possibility that my tuberculosis, throat thrush, or one of the other ailments caught on previous trips had returned.

 

 

 

I woke up feeling fine.

 

 

 

I told Norm, my CIA-or-isn't-he friend, yesterday about my phantom illness. Yes, that's a Thailand thing, he said. It's not symptomatic - it's just shit that happens.

 

 

 

Back in Bangkok, Noi and I parted at the bus station. She borrowed my CD Walkman. Rather uncharitably I told her that if she didn't return it, I know where she works, and I would call the police and have her thrown in jail.

 

 

 

She hasn't called.

 

 

 

 

 

ranma

 

 

[Guest]

Ranma,

 

 

 

without doubt one of the best pieces I have read on this board in a long time. keep it up.

[sayjann]

nice post,i really enjoyed it.

 

i also have enjoyed the family parties in nong khai,they can be fun.

[Guest]

Thanks Ranma for the great report. Hope we get to see more in the future.

[AllenBlue]

Yes extremely well written....just when I think I have your style down...you throw in another twist - stylisticly -

 

 

 

Thanks...write more...if you like...we certainly do!

 

 

 

AllenBlue

[jai-dee]

Excellent story! Thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

[Steve]

I'll echo the rest and say I enjoyed it. I like posts such as these as they give me further insight into the little nuances of Thailand.

 

 

 

Did I just enjoy a trip report that was not based on indiscriminate sex?! What's wrong with me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest]

yeah really man we need more sex, the nasty raunchy stuff where i will found sperm sticking on my screen, next time i expect more dedication and sperm in your story

[aussiejohn]

Ranma, a very good trip report, and a lot better than the WHAM BAM, 1000 Baht Bang, reports that sometimes dominate. I know a lot of us have been there- done that,and will probably be back for more,but a no sex read gives greater insights and is all the better for same..

[spirit_of_town_hall]

Good post Paul, I have visited your site which is also interesting.

 

 

 

STH