rickfarang Posted December 7, 2002 Report Share Posted December 7, 2002 The only way this makes sense is that her "Ex-husband" is still her husband, and you are her meal ticket. Been there myself, and its hard to believe and accept, even years after others tried to point it out to me. Sitting down and having a heart-to-heart talk with her will make you feel better, but only because you will be buried in the warmth of even more bullsh*t. You would probably find the investment of a few hundred dollars in a private investigator will in the long run save you untold thousands, not to mention the worry and suffering you are experiencing now. Good luck. Its not going to be easy to shake her. RickF. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rickfarang Posted December 7, 2002 Report Share Posted December 7, 2002 "She was then found someone who appeared to care for her, only to learn she was manipulated and abused further. I know that person and I care for her. For whatever it is worth, as least, I am not giving her up yet just because of you, so called "expert", think that every thing was so against your experience and the Thai social "norm". If you think you are so smart or have it worser than her, let me hear your story." She is playing on your sympathies and has learned how to manipulate others to her own ends (don't we all at one time or another? But some are much better and ruthless at it than others). You are in denial as I was when I was at a similar juncture. I'm not going to clog the board's bandwidth with my relevant story because its just a collection of classic suckerings. Think about why you posted the question to begin with. I know from my own experience that you know in your heart that something isn't right but you don't want to take the responsibility of cutting off her support. Many of us have been there. We're telling you this because we care. Ok, some of us are full of sh*t, but for the most part, we care. Its up to you do decide what to do about it. If you do nothing, you will be lead around for months or years of abuse and worry -all pretty much a waste. If you pull out now, you can start the rest of your life immediately after. As I said, good luck. Rick F. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 7, 2002 Report Share Posted December 7, 2002 Daer Rickfarang, Please rest assure that I truly appreciate each and everyone for their advice on this board. Trust me, I knew it is a fair game when I post my story on a board like this. I didn't expect any sympathy for me or for Jane. I didn't not get offend by any comments, just a tad irritated when people say thing like they already expirienced a very SIMILAR story first hand. I knew what I got myself into and I know how to end it. I post my story because I like to hear how you feel and what you have to say, no need for criticism. On my part, I just don't want to make a wrong and hasty decision that will ends up hurting someone. In my heart I can't take that chance as yet. Again, thank you for all those who read, understand and share their thoughts. If I offended anyone in my previous posting, please accept my sincere apology. csm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 8, 2002 Report Share Posted December 8, 2002 Why are people so quick in making judgement of other people? -------------------------- Please, notice that almost everyone, also thai members, thinks you are being lied to and ripped off. Someone said you know Thailand well, In my very own experience, knowing Thailand does not always help when one has a weakness for the fair sex, of the romantic kind. I have often given very good advice to friends, advice i probably shoulkd have given myself but would not follow when it was time to do so. We westerners have strong egos, and sometimes fall in love stubbornly not only with the "wrong" gril but with our own mistakes. Hence, the marshmallow comparison applies to myself as well (until last year, I hope! ). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 8, 2002 Report Share Posted December 8, 2002 Have you all ever dealt with someone who ran away after being assaulted at the very young age, who found someone to love only to witness that person died tragically. She was then found someone who appeared to care for her, only to learn she was manipulated and abused further -------------------------- yes, just about every TG i stayed with, I mean the ones met in the "trade" had horror stories. The problem begins when we compare our farang stories and they match as far as the abuse goes. I certainly recognize at least 2 out of the 3 abuse examples you give us. Strange! Still, It does not matter that this is true or not, probably is after all, the fact is that in the presence of facts that stare at you straight in the face, flashing off red warning lights, you are still relying on your emotions/sentiments, trying/wanting to rationalize her behaviour in your favor (or to have your LOVE win) , rather than use only your common sense to make a judgement. Forget it happens in Thailand, transfer the whole story in your home country, all of it, even the way things were said to you, and see if it still makes sense that you guys are to be together, despite all the problems. IMO, often, if you do this kind of transfer, you soon realize how many times there could have been "lines in the sand" as to the "last straw", lines that were constantly crossed upon, as we dug our hole one inch deeper. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lopburi3 Posted December 8, 2002 Report Share Posted December 8, 2002 This is late in the thread but can say from my own family that former husbands can attend family gatherings and temple boons in my Central Thai experience. This sounds like a morning offering of food to the monks and perhaps the family eating together at the temple after the monks finish? (If really going out on the town would consider it suspect). This would be perfectly acceptable in my experience. In this case the former husband is paying for education of his daughters to a sister-in-law so can not say if he would be as welcome if he was not doing anything but if divorce was by agreement suspect it might well happen. Have neighbor who divorced her lifelong husband (he just retired) on a whim and they still live together and most don't even know they were divorced. There is no positive yes or no to posters question that we can provide. As he says, he knows her better than us. We can only hope that this is true. That said, poster needs to avoid shooting the messenger. He asked and we have answered as best we can. The fact is that there is a lot of soap opera involved with most relationships here and playing by different rules makes it very hard to understand if the other party is "playing by the rules". Would urge poster to keep asking questions of everyone. This is a lifetime learning experience. The "red flags" have been pointed out (the former should be helping if he has the money). But just like life; nothing is 'for sure'. PS: I should have read the other thread first. :: Now I understand the apparent lack of balance here. It does indeed sound like there are too many 'issues' for this to be just a minor misunderstanding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 8, 2002 Report Share Posted December 8, 2002 Dear p127, By the way I love marshmallow and I like your comments. I know you care and I appreciate that. We human being don't like to be misled or tricked into a situation that ended up in getting hurt physically, financially and most of all emotionally. I am not an exception to that rule either. Take care and thanks again. csm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 10, 2002 Report Share Posted December 10, 2002 This would be perfectly acceptable in my experience. ----------------------------- thanks for your post. We always tend to put a steel rod on thai patterns of behaviour, but nothing is set in marble, nowhere and even here, less. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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