Guest Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 Hi guys, Trust me, I hate to be in front page everyday (and I have been lately) but there is one more thing I just want to ask for your opinions. It's about the same woman who I am involving with and described in a separate subject. Basically it's like this: Jane is still very close to her ex-boyfriend, and ex-boyfriend's sister and ex-mother-in-law. The ex-boyfriend lives not too far from her, the ex-boyfriend's sister live in south Bkk and their mother lives in Phitsanulok. Jane told me that even though she and her ex-boyfriend are no longer involved with each other, they do see each other regularly as friends and they still talk to one another, primarily because of the daughter. Today, that ex-boyfriend, ex-boyfriend's sister and two other ex-relatives came to the condo (my very condo that I got for her). Jane will go with them to a temple where they will do something with the monks and then they will go out to eat together. Keep in mind that each of these people knew that Jane is having a relationship with me and that I am the one who is taking care of Jane and her family. Rest assure that I am pretty cool with the idea of the ex-boyfriend comes to visit his daughter once in while, but to go worship at the temple and then go eat out together, that I have a problem with. (BTW this is not the first time!) I told Jane I am uncomfortable with this and she told me it is nothing and that I am thinking too much of it. She said Thai people do this all the time even though they are no longer live to gether. Am I worry too much or is there something going on behind my back? Jane told me that these people (ex-boyfriend, ex-sister, ex-mother-in-law and other ex-people on his side) are wealthy but never took care of her or her family, but then why she is still involve with them and socialize with them till this date? That I don't understand. Is this really a Thai custom or am I missing something here? Please set me straight. csm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 [color:"red"]Flag[/color] (Red flag!) In my case, I have a daughter with a Thai woman who is not my wife. It's been difficult for my wife to accept the notion that having a relationship with my daughter means having something of a relationship with my daughter's mother as well. This is because the notion that a child will be a focal point for 2 Thai people to remain "good friends" such as you describe, seems totally alien. It's certainly possible that she's telling you the truth, but I'm always suspicious in situations where Thais are seen to be violating their own societal norms, since that happens relatively rarely when things are on the up-and-up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 I hate to say this but the more I read your description, the more my bullshitometer registers a foul stench. Firstly, I know from very bitter experience that you might not get any points whatsoever with her people just because you've been providing for her. What I mean is, when the chips are down they will take care of their own -- which is her, not you. Secondly, and along the same lines, any Thai person -- especially her people -- is likely to consider that condo hers, regardless of where the money came from to buy it. In other words, again you get no points and the fact that they're fucking you over in a condo that you bought will just be one more facet of the unpleasant reality in which you may find yourself. Thirdly, her ex's family socializing with her is inconsistent with their role as people who would undoubtedly be out to help their son find a suitable new woman, especially if they are wealthy people. Something doesn't add up here. Finally, Thai people who aren't involved with each other don't go for family outings involving monks and food. Also, going to eat together in the context you describe is a much bigger deal than there would be for us as westerners. Combine these things with the fact that I seriously don't agree with the contention that "Thai people do this all the time" and something is seriously wrong with this picture. I just hope for your sake that you don't come to find out that she's been carrying on under your nose. Sadly this sort of thing happens all the time here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaad Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 I am the one who is taking care of Jane and her family Financially yes. But that's simply it. I think Jane needs a husband and a father for her child as well. As I said in your other thread, she can't live with the distance and loneliness anymore. Please visit her and discuss about a future together or agree to end this relationship. I hope you both can work out everything and live a happy life together, if not (due to another man, not wanting to leave Thailand/family etc), I think it's also easier for both of you to accept the break-up, to forget about eachother and to move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 >Jane is still very close to her ex-boyfriend, and ex-boyfriend's sister and ex-mother-in-law. The ex-boyfriend lives not too far from her, the ex-boyfriend's sister live in south Bkk and their mother lives in Phitsanulok. Jane told me that even though she and her ex-boyfriend are no longer involved with each other, they do see each other regularly as friends and they still talk to one another, primarily because of the daughter. I personally know 2 bgs who have Thai husbands and children. They both have 2-4 people sending them money. None of the guys has any idea about the men behind their girls. Since you are being openly told, I think it's just that - a fully fledged husband. Kick his arse by kicking them out of the condo (that's going to be a logistical nightmare if you own it, or even worse, if it is in her name) and stop buying food and drinks for the bastard. From another post of yours I think I gathered that you have a child, about 10 yrs old or so? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SUZIBANDIT Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 This sounds like a bit of bullshit, considering your other thread. Most Thai women I know that have children by someone other than their boyfriend, cut the father completely out of the childs life. Also I have never seen (I'm not saying it doesn't happen) former BF and GF or husband and wife remain friends. Rather I see people completely forget (or try to) about the other. Getting rid of all pictures, letters anything that would remind them of their fomer love. The idea is that when a relationship is finished, it is finished. Black or white. Love too much or hate too much. The only Thai lady I knew of who allowed her boyfriend to have contact with her child after a "breakup" was still dating him and he was living with her behind the back of her farang fiance. Just my observations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamui Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 Just an idea, maybe this thread is not so far from your main problem. She is talking about leaving you and to earn her own money. Maybe that is her way to search for a new sponsor: to return to her former friend/famliy. If you say the family is wealthy.... I don´t know much about Thai habits, but going out to a temple and dinner with the former friend AND family sound a little bit strange to me. I am not sure if you would find this in the west. As I said this is just an idea. If you are lucky it´s exact that´s what she is telling you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 ....but to go worship at the temple and then go eat out together, that I have a problem with. She said Thai people do this all the time even though they are no longer live to gether. This is not my experience. More often than not, when I tell Thai women that I still friends with one of my ex-gf's back in the US, they are quite suprized. They say that in Thailand once a couple has really broken up they do not stay in contact with eachother unless there is a very good reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 A lot can be said, and I think in this case the only way to know for sure what the hell is going on is to hire a private investigator. Not something I would even suggest if I didn't think it made sense. The fact is with the distance so great CMAC will never really know unless he goes this route. I know many will say if you have to go this far then you don't have something worth keeping. I don't know if I agree with that given these circumstances. His gf has told him many things that would have been easier to just keep quiet, so she may be telling the truth... However if she ever finds out he had a PI involved that would be the end of the relationship for sure... The PI will buy peace of mind if nothing else.. just a thought... And I do hope everything works out for the best... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted December 4, 2002 Report Share Posted December 4, 2002 Hi, [color:"red"] She said Thai people do this all the time even though they are no longer live to gether. Am I worry too much or is there something going on behind my back? [/color] Sorry to tell you that she is very likely lying to you. I can tell you that in the Thai customs, you do not go to the temple with someone in the situation like what you described. It is NOT a Thai custom. You are being played with!! There are things that I can explain more involving religion and custom and a PM to me is welcome if you want further help. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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