Leaderboard

Shortly after having returned to Mar-a-Lago in 2021, Trump is walking along the beach, feeling pretty dejected about everything. He decides to go for a swim, but ends up going a little too far from the shore, and since he’s in poor condition, he begins to drown. Suddenly, three teenaged boys spot him from the beach, rush into the water, and rescue him. Back on the beach, Trump, after regaining his breath, thanks the three for saving his life. “Anything I can do for you guys, name it!” he says. “Bigly! I alone can fix everything!” The first boy says, “Well, I want to go to West Point, but my grades are lousy.” “Say no more,” Trump responds. “All those teachers work for the Deep State anyway. I’ll get you a spot at West Point.” The second boy says, “Well, I can’t find a girlfriend.” Trump says, “Just grab them by—well, I’ll talk to Melania and hook you up!” The third boy says, “I want to be buried in Arlington National Cemetery.” Trump, a bit puzzled, says, “You’re only eighteen! You’ve got your whole life ahead of you! Why are you thinking about your funeral?” The boy replies, “Because once I go home and tell my father that I just saved you from drowning, he’s going to kill me!”