Guest Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 I found this very interesting to read. In your situation I would probably do the same. In fact, I had a similar situation and did do the same. And every time we'd go out, whether it was just walking around Sukhumvit, or shopping at Emporium, anywhere -- it was always in the back of my head that we'd run into a bargirl I had been with. And that she would be the opposite of discreet, i.e., come up to me and say something or whatever. All it takes is for another woman to *glance* at you a certain way; your Thai lady would pick up immediately that there is more to it than 2 strangers happening to be at the same place at the same time. And the result would be that I'd be caught in the very worst of lies, and everything would come crashing down. It really bothered me that my future might rest on having to trust some flaky bar girl to "do the right thing" should I run into her in public. Eventually I knew that this was telling me something, this was not a good way to be leading my life. I contrast that with the situation with my wife. She knows just about *everything* about my participation in the scene. I have no secrets whatsoever from her regarding this. It makes things SO much easier. I never have to worry who we're gonna run into, or track what lies I've told, etc. The ideal is to find a woman with whom being honest in this way (according to our ideals of honesty in a relationship, etc) does not conflict with needing to save face, etc. The point? Perhaps telling your GF and seeing what happens would be a very relevent test of just how compatible you will be down the road... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 Hi, [color:"red"] Personally, I have loved more than one woman and attempted to conduct more than one relationship. I never felt it was wrong per se I was just tired of having to remember what lies I told. Deception is pretty hard work. [/color] I really cannot feel and agree that a man can love 2 women equally. We are talking 2 personalities here. Even parent, IMO, does not love his/her child equally. If the 2 women are exactly the same in and out of bed (sorry, do not mean to be explicit here), would a man bother to have more than one woman? As you said, you are forced to lie and deceive, that is a dangerous way to live. :: Yes, many people have the "open" marriage deal and perhpas, they seem to function ok for now, what about a chance to make it a life time? I like men and enjoy their company much more than I enjoy women's. Having male friends, there is a limitation when it comes to some attraction and I try to make it understood that friendship is limited. Opposite sex who likes each other does have certain degree of attraction but if we just let our instinct take over, I will feel less for myself. Lying will not do well with me, I cannot lie and get away with it. Seriously, it is too much work. It is not only the social demand for me, it is what makes a person what he/she is. I am no better than you or anyone else, I just try to avoid temptation and ask myself whether I can live with it if I slip. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 Hi, Telling what happened in the pastwhich is done and over with is ok. It is the now and the behavior at the present that counts most. Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lazyphil Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 <<And do you really think that the Thai or non Thai women that live in Thailand don't know about the husband/boyfriend activities?>> No I didn't realise this honestly!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lazyphil Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 <<Curious about your statement, are you equating sexual fidelity with love? If you are, can a man not love his companion deeply yet still have sexual encounters with other women?>> If both parties want to have other sexual partners or just one of them I see no problem as long as its in the open and nobody is being deceived and they accept it. I've seen the devastating results to a number of friends in the UK both male and female who've been cheated on, even though it was deemed by the cheater to be a casual meaningless one nighters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 I am saying that I don't like to lie if the situation is not important enough to lie for. I don't like what I term as trivial dishonesty. I do not have a problem lying in order to prevent someone's feelings from being hurt. Sometimes it is neccessary to lie. Sometimes I have to tell people who claim that I may be telling an untruth, that they are not important enough for me to lie to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygye Posted January 12, 2003 Report Share Posted January 12, 2003 [color:"green"] Why do some Thais think that it is only men that need the change but not women? [/color] Women get pregnant, men do not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 22, 2003 Report Share Posted January 22, 2003 I should have made clear: my wife knows about my *previous* participation in the scene (it's been past tense the entire time I've been Kh'Married). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 24, 2003 Report Share Posted January 24, 2003 Sounds like you've been fortunate to find a very special lady - - great for you, and best of luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted January 24, 2003 Report Share Posted January 24, 2003 I told my girlfriend about it and we almost split up over it. She then accepted it but still thought I was strange to have doen it. She had these misguided ideas that not that many guys did it. A couple of other guys in her life who she admired very much would never do such a thing. Within a month a month of me admitting my past ways, I saw one of the guys with a girl in Sukumvit. And then a month or so ago, the other guy admitted that he goes with girls regularly. She suddenly realised the enormity of commercial sex industry here and how deeply it has penetrated the expat community. Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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