Guest Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 [color:"purple"]Hi Everybody, I would like to share the story between my American boyfriend and me. How know maybe you can help me to see things clearly. I am a simple Thai girl who works here as a system engineer. I have shut myself from Thai guys after I divorced with my ex-husband because he cheated on me with his friend and some bargirls. One and half year after my divorce, my friend wanted me to try www.match.com. She said it would help me feel better and I might have some new friends. So that I decided to join that web site, I have had a few good friends from there who don?t expect anything from me more than friendship. One of my friend lives in Bangkok, he is nice and I am really thankful that I have him as a friend. Match.com also let me to meet my bf last year. I could say he is my type. He is an engineer same as me. He is attractive, romantic, smart and kind. Besides that he is older than me 16 years. I prefer older men because they could make me feel warm. I know that I am stubborn and I want a real man to be my boyfriend, not a pretty boy. Ok. After I met my boyfriend in Bangkok, both of us are so crazy in love. (Or lust?) We had an incredible time together even though I found out later that he slept with a bargirl before he met me. We had many arguments because of our jealousy. Some bargirls called him while he was hanging out with me. I couldn?t accept it because of my bad experience with my ex-husband. He said those women weren?t important for him. He said I was the one he has been looking for. I believed and forgave him. After he left Bangkok, we still keep in touch via emails, telephone call and chatting on an internet. I decided to buy a new computer, web cam and some stuffs to make us feel closer when we chatted. Our relationship has been growing up. I can say that I love this man. I have tried my best to maintain our long distance relationship. He lives 8000 miles far away from me. He planed to start his business in Bangkok and move to stay here. Everything should be fine. Unfortunately he is declaring bankruptcy after he was laid off from his work for a few months. He has many pressures. Things are getting worse. Last month I had problem with my work and I decided to quit it. Both of us have our own problems. It must be my fault that I have been cried a lot. Nobody would like to have a weak girlfriend so that I tried to hide my frustration and sadness when I chatted with him. To make it short, last week I asked my boyfriend how our relationship would be end up since I was apprehensive about our future. I don?t believe that love can conquer everything but I do believe in my love for him. I am not a teenager. I married and divorced. I know how my heart feels. Whatever, an answer that I got from him is he would like to break up. I was shocked. I didn?t expect to get this answer. I always believe that we can make it. Since the day he sent me that email, he has never picked the phone. I just got a message from him that he would call me when he arrive Bangkok next week. He will come here with his friend and they will go to Krabi together. I don?t understand why did he choose to tell me just a week before he comes here? From his email, it seems that he has already planned to break up with me in Bangkok in this trip. I would like to see him at the airport but he doesn?t tell me any detail about date or flight number. Now I can?t do anything. He left me cold with my broken heart. I look back and try to figure out what is my mistake. I never cheated on him even though we live so far away. I have been waiting for him for 6 months. And what I get from my loyalty. I am so confusing. I would like to talk to him what is the point. I feel like he looks down on me and my love. I guess all of you might want to say that I am fool that I rush into this relationship. You know sometimes we have no reason why we love. It?s just happened. I still don?t believe that I am going to lose him or I have already lost him!!. It has no sign to warn me. I don?t know that I should let him go or try to do everything to get him back. How can I heal my pain? It is killing me. By the way, if you think that I got money from this man, you are wrong. I can take care of myself. Besides that I don?t want him to think that I am a Thai girl who tries to take an advantage from foreigners. Thanks for reading my fool story? Snowdrop [/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 Sorry to hear about your problems s_snowdrop. I think you should forget about him and move on. I reacted to a couple of things in your post. He had bargirls calling him while you were together..Not only one even? For a guy to give out his phonenumber to a bargirl its more than one night of casual fun. The other thing I reacted to was his way to break up. It didn't seem to be a big deal to him. And yes, I understand why he wanted to break up before his trip. It leaves him free to go with other girls while on holiday. It seems to me you have been unlucky with him, and that you should cross this off as a bad experience. Not all guys are like that, try to be more aware of the guys personality next time. Don't blame yourself, he was just not worth it. Good luck and the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 check_bin_krap : Thanks a lot for your comment. It's very hard for me to move on since I still love him. I wonder "can't the long distance relationship work out?" He told me that he decided to break up before he comes here because he doesn't want me to have a false hope and if we stay together again,it must be harder to break up and it will hurt me more. I don't know that he really cares for me or it is just his excuse. Thanks, snowdrop Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gtharm Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 Hi, Snowdrop. Welcome to the board! I know what it's like to have an unfaithful partner that has no real concept of what love and being loyal to your partner really means. My best advice is to cut all ties with this guy now. It sounds like you still have a chance to get out before it really winds up hurting you too badly. From your previous marriage, I'm certain that you already know that if someone cheats on you once, they will do it again. And again and again. You didn't explicity say that he cheated on you while you were together, but having bargirlS calling him, his sudden intentions to break up with you, and then going to Krabi with a "friend" are quite suspicious. It sounds to me like you have a really good grasp on the situation, but are a little bit love-blind. It's never easy to end a relationship, especially when there are serious emotions involved. But, do yourself a favor and don't give up hope on finding a good man(Thai or farang). There are men out there that are faithful, loving, honest, and serious with their feelings(and yours). It's just finding the right one that can be difficult. But, don't just settle for any guy just because he makes you happy for a while. Change can be difficult, but keeping a man around that, obviously, is not as serious about your relationship as you are is only going to cause you further heartache and pain. As for long distance relationships, I think that all depends on both people involved. I think that it CAN work, but it certainly is much more difficult. Long distance relationships can almost NEVER work if either person has a jealousy issue. Of course, I think jealousy can ruin any relationship, so take that with a grain of salt. Best of luck in finding Mr. Right and I hope you decide to stick around on the board. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 "It's very hard for me to move on since I still love him. I wonder "can't the long distance relationship work out?" " .................................................................. Yes Snowdrop, long distance relationships can work out. If there is a plan behind it to make it a relationship in the same place and before too long time. A long distance relationship also requires a lot of effort and a very strong commitment. It needs very strong love when you can't meet that person before some months. Not all have this strength. From what you told me about this guy, I don't think it would work. How could you trust him in such a relationship? Do you think he will keep his part of the deal? Will you wake up one morning and find out that he hasn't? Even though it will hurt a lot I think its best to break up. And remember, you have learned from this relationship and loved in it. Take with you what is good and move on. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 No you shouldn't try to get him back. It's quite clear he is coming to Thailand and doesn't wish to see you. He would rather go down south and see a few bargirls. I'm sorry to say it sounds as though you were just another one of his joyrides. There goes the theory about older men. Some men never grow up and constantly think with their dick and not their head. Just be a bit more careful next time. Get to know someone well before you get involved sexually with them. A guy who really cares about you will wait for you and will be able to make a long distance relationship work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rookie Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 s_snwdrop... I must admit that your eloquent ability to use the English language has me questioning the legitimacy of your post, but then you may well have had part of your eduction overseas. I'm sorry to read about your plight and unfortuntately it seems like an all to common one. The tourist farang who entices a special Thai lady during his visit, yet still plays around, then returns to his life back home and maintains contact for future trips. Sadly, his e-mail of breaking up, a mere week before returning to Thailand, only affirms that he was a player, is less than sincere and may also be afraid of committment. The phone calls from bargirls only seems to support this. In fairness, the opposite situation has equally been experienced by farangs who have been played by some less than honest Thai women. There's no question that it can be difficult to find a loving , sincere and loyal partner...and that nearly everyone encounters some 'bad apples' along the road. I sincerely hope that your plight has a happy ending....or OTOH that you don't let your experience leave you feeling all farangs are insincere. Chok dee... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibblies Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 Says rookie: s_snwdrop... I must admit that your eloquent ability to use the English language has me questioning the legitimacy of your post, but then you may well have had part of your eduction overseas. .. Not to mention first time use of board slang ("bf") and tags to create purple script, clickable hyperlinks and emoticons... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 Hello snowdrop, I want a real man to be my boyfriend, not a pretty boy. Maybe this is your mistake. You seem to be looking for "real" men who are strong, play the boss. Don't you know that "real" men are machos who don't care about you? As long as you don't change this attitude you will always fall in love in a man who will be unfaithful. Best regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted March 22, 2003 Report Share Posted March 22, 2003 "Not to mention first time use of board slang ("bf") and tags to create purple script, clickable hyperlinks and emoticons... " ................................................................... bf? I thought the boards slang was more bg :: I haven't seen many discuss their bf's on this board? As for the rest - the gal said that she is a system engineer. Give her a break! Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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