Plainsdrifter Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 Hello all: Yes I know everyone, including me, must know. But why do Thai women have to lie so much? I mean everyone sees through the lies so why do they keep doing it? In my case, I have a pleasant enough time with my regular TG, she always refers to me as her "darling" to everyone she talks to.Been seeing her for almost a year. But she cannot tell the truth about anything. One can ask her about something and she will flat out lie, when challanged, another lie, when challanged again silence or hang the head. Really it doesn't bother me anymore I just don't believe anything she says. I have speculated with myself as to the reason why. Is it TIT? Or is it only something Isaanic? I know countless posts, many that I have read myself, recount these but can someone re-examine this, now tiresome, practice. Maybe an imput from a Thai member, or even a female Thai member. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stickman Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 So much of what is said is to protect the girl from loss of face. Obviously, in our Western way of thinking, this does not make a lie acceptable, but to Thais it basically does. The average Thai would MUCH rather tell a white lie than lose face. They value face higher whereas we value hoensty higher... Stick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest lazyphil Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 <<in our Western way of thinking, this does not make a lie acceptable, but to Thais it basically does>> If my Mrs adopted this attitude we wouldn't be where we are today. I find this unacceptable behaviour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 >>>If my Mrs adopted this attitude we wouldn't be where we are today. I find this unacceptable behaviour. <<< i might be blessed here as well, but we have not have had those problems in our relationship either. i have seen though that sort of stuff here in many relationships, but very often there were some problems already existing, like the guy just didn't realise for which reason the woman was with him, or because of overt and constant paranoia of either side, or because of the women trying to protect the guy, or because of language problems, or, or, or... one would need to hear both sides of the story to make any qualified comment on that. but then, lying is not just a thai invention... :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coloseum Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 Could you amplify a little as to the type of lies you're talking about, maybe some examples. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 Wow, you said something I (mostly) agree with... It's true that lying isn't a Thai invention, but it's hard to deny that Thai culture simply emphasis different things in personal interactions that westenr culture does. We tend to place value on honesty and integrity. I'm not saying these things aren't on the Thai radar screen, but they are mostly concerned with harmoniousness. Different priorities. For me, though, there's just no way I would even bother staying in a relationship where I was being lied to all the time and then given the thai silent treatment stuff in return. What's the point? Fly is it possible that the Mrs is the Mrs precisely *because* you didn't have these problems? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 They value face higher whereas we value honesty higher... ------------------------ depends which lies of course, but indeed some lies are made to keep the peace. i do know myself not to arise my GF's jealousy and never talk about it if I have met/seen a woman friend (ie. not a sexual interest). So, if she asks me, what did you do this afternoon, I will simply said I went to the internet (of which she is jealous too, BTW, can't win...). Maybe someday, she will grow up and know than men and women can simply be friends. for now, face is indeed more important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 >>>We tend to place value on honesty and integrity. I'm not saying these things aren't on the Thai radar screen, but they are mostly concerned with harmoniousness. <<< not my missus. today we had an argument which started with my question: did you but that bag into the rubbish bin? ... i don't know, but i have given up on trying to understand the culture from that angle. everytime i have thought i found a valid theory by personal experience i found i was completely mislead. the only thing i know is that people are just people, there are all sorts. here in thailand i have found that in many cases i could trust the word of some simple thais more than fellow westerners. >>>For me, though, there's just no way I would even bother staying in a relationship where I was being lied to all the time and then given the thai silent treatment stuff in return. <<< silent treatment drives me crazy, but i can cope with it. being really lied to i could not cope with. but here in thailand so often there is a certain mercenary character in relationships between thai women and western men, and very often a definate inability on both sides to adapt to each other's world. lot of problems i have seen derived from that. >>>Fly is it possible that the Mrs is the Mrs precisely *because* you didn't have these problems?<<< not really, it was more luck and love and perseverence and stubborness and dependency. when we got together i didn't know fuck all about the place here. our plus points were that we are the same age, none of us actually looked for a partner and we just made it work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 It is not only the "white lies" that we encounter so often. This i can understand. Sometimes there are really big lies in the air (for instance, the wife of a friend said to him, that her father needs an operation! (In other words: I want steel some big amount of money from you!)). This is not a white lie, this is real chest! What I cannot understand is: Apparently they do not even loose face with big lies/chest, as we would do in our western world. There, if you really cheat somebody, you are "out"! In SEA, they only loose their face when they loose this money again (= give back that money), which they "won" by chest. And of coarse they will not give it back without force: "Finish allready!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2003 Report Share Posted April 6, 2003 >>>Sometimes there are really big lies in the air (for instance, the wife of a friend said to him, that her father needs an operation! (In other words: I want steel some big amount of money from you!)). This is not a white lie, this is real chest!<<< well, that is again just a question of perception. just because a girl married a bloke it does not mean that she married him because she loves him. there is a very fitting expression here for that: 'mia chao' , or the rented wife. perfectly acceptable here, that might range from a partnership based on money and a certain form of companionship where everybody involved gets what he/she wants up to the girl deceiving a naiv bloke (who should know better anyhow...) and milking him for whatever she can get. or, another case. she might be under extreme pressure of her family to send money. the guy just does not understand under which pressure his wife is, as he might not speak the language, and/or would reject to give that money, or is not able to spend that money. things are never as simple as they might appear. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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