Why am I feeling guilty?

[jasmine]

Hi,

I am thinking about retiring but I am feeling guilty. ::

 

I have been working for over 30 years and it has been in the current career (IT) 18 years. Work has taken a toll on me because for the past 2 years, I have spent average of 5 hrs/day commuting. The current project is quite challenging for my team consists of 3 males in senior status, one of them is also a manager but I am the lead. :neener:I really like the project and would like to implement it. However, contracting to a government agency, the dateline can be moved depending on the perceived advantage of the clients.

 

My point is I am seriously thinking about call it quits here and fortunately, we are good financially. Hubby who is 9 years older, retired Air Force, retired from a company and now is eligible to retire from our current company does NOT want to retire. Being brought up like I have (Yes, people as a Thai) that a marriage is a partnership I feel guilty to stop working while he still does. What is wrong with me?

 

Your comments are appreciated.

 

Jasmine

 

[check_bin_krap]

Jasmine, maybe your hubby will prefer a happy Jasmine who has energy around the house instead of a worn out one?

 

People are different and thats often what creates balance in a relationship. The commuting you do would be tough for a younger person also.

 

Let your hubby work and concentrate on stuff other than the economical side of your marriage, its not only bringing money in which counts.

 

Good luck on your descision friend!

[JJsushi]

Do you live to work or do you work to live?

 

 

Would you like to do charity work?

Would you like to start your own business?

 

There are other wys to contribute to the marriage aside from waking up at the crack of dawn and working for someone else.

 

Do you have any passions in life that you would like to pursue?

 

Guilt IMO is a luxury I can ill afford, way too expensive. Guilt prevents or hampers me from doing and enjoying things that would make me happy while others may be less happy. I am all for me being happy.

 

With all due respect the commute you do is insane unless it is on a quiet train or bus where you can relax and read your paper/book and relfect on things.

[gummigut]

There is nothing wrong with guilt. It's a natural feeling. Like sadness, sympathy, elation, and depression.

 

It's also much like fear.

 

These are natural feelings, it becomes bad when it rules you and your actions. Seek to understand it (which you do). Go beyond it. Ask yourself were true happiness lies.

 

When you have the path, don't run, just put one foot in front of the otherand revel in the ability to feel guilt.

 

<<burp>>

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] With all due respect the commute you do is insane unless it is on a quiet train or bus where you can relax and read your paper/book and relfect on things. [/color]

 

It is a very pleasant train ad I had done some work in it. Lately I have been doing crocheting ::

 

Don't get me wrong I have been quite happy with my work and career and quite proud.

 

I actually told my clients that I may not come back after my trip to Thailand in June. You have got to see the reaction of my clients, they acted like we were married and I was asking for divorce!! :: Yes, I am very happy that my clients find me valuable and I also have professionalism that I normally don't abandon a project until it is done.

 

It is no longer money that I am working for, just satisfaction and if the commute is not so bad I could do this many more long years.

 

I was told that the 3 guys in my team are being laid off also yesterday but they will bring 2 government personnel to help me design a database and create the system for me. Also, in order to get me back, they will be flexible letting me work from home sometimes.

 

I do count my blessings for what I am and many wonderful people around me.

 

I am leaving for Thailand in May 10 for 3.5 weeks, may be that vacation will give me the second wind.

 

Thanks

 

Jasmine

[Guest]

Hmm, Jasmine,

couldn't you move in a small appartement near of your workplace and commute only at the weekends? And how long does this project continue?

I would never commute more than 2 hours per day!

 

I hope that you will find a solution.

 

Best regards

[iono]

"Do you live to work or do you work to live?" This is a very good question, life is about quality not quantity, it sounds as if you and your husband both have put in your time to the masters. Sounds like you should travel, travel, travel, eventually hubby will follow. My father is in his Seventies on his second career (non profit health org), Mother still teaches school. They finally have made a conscious decision to stop working, travel, exercise more, all and all give back to themselves. I think we all forget to give to ourselves we are so busy trying to please others. I retired about 4 years ago from the military and then got caught up in the high tech field when it was on fire, after a few bankrupt companies and monsterous commutes I learned one thing. My family doesn't need a million dollars a year to survive, I don't need to drive a million miles to go to work, there is no such thing as time compensation. I'm giving back to myself doing what I want, I'd rather eat oatmeal and crackers I've put in my time. It's about your quality of life! Hell your husband is probably super proud of you and would like you to take it easy from now on, your marriage will survive and there is no such thing as guilt.

[bangkokbutcher]

Hey Jasmine,

there is nothing I would love more than for my wife to give up her daily 9-5 grind, but I am afraid that with the young family we now have we just cannot financially afford to.

But given the opportunity I would make sure that she would be doing some of the finer things in life..

 

GO FOR IT JASMINE!!

[Tiger Moth]

I work for one of the well known IT consulting firms. I have also been working for over 30 years and most have been in IT. Unlike you, I do not find my work to be satisfying. So, my decision to retire is not difficult in that sense. I am ready to walk away. However, my pension would increase greatly if I were to continue. And so my retirement guilt has to do with walking away from a lot of money.

 

Several of my colleagues continue to work because this is all they have done and they have nothing to retire to. For example, my manager has over 38 years with our firm, makes $200K per year and must be quite wealthy by now. But, he works 60 hours a week and has no hobbies or other interests. He is simply postponing the inevitable difficulty of adjusting to a new life.

 

Anyway, I seem to be rambling but what I am trying to say is that retiring must be difficult for anyone. A complete change in lifestyle and an acknowledgement that yet another phase of life has gone by.

 

Oh, I just remembered a book by former US President Jimmy Carter called, "The Benefits of Aging" or something close to that. In the book he talks about his adjustments after leaving the Presidency and a lot of other interesting stuff including his mother working overseas for the Peace Corp in her late 60s (if my memory serves me correctly). You might find this book interesting, as I did.

 

Well, sounds to me like you have responsibly handled a career and there should be no guilt in moving into the next phase of your life.

 

Best of luck in your decision and future!

[gobbledonk]

I have an idea (apologies if its already been mentioned).

 

Telecommute 3 days per week and accept the agony of the other two with a smile. I am constantly amazed that a high tech industry such as ours doesnt embrace telecommuting. Sure, clients and your team need some face-to-face contact, but do they need to see you every single day ?

 

This will also give you the opportunity to 'road test' some of the social isolation which you may risk by retiring while your husband continues to work. Women seem to handle retirement a lot better than men, many of whom define themselves by what they do, not who they are or their interests.

 

Anyway, good luck with the decision, and keep smiling Jas !