Damaged? How so?

[Central Scrutinizer]

HT,

 

So you agree and think it is possible for a punter to indulge in the P4P scene and remain undamaged, as long as they realize the distinction between paid sex and love? I agree, but I do see differing levels of involvement from both sides of the scene. And yes, the "damaged goods" can go both ways I feel too. A lot of the ladies are scarred by their work I feel, and the longer they work at paid sex the harder it is for them to be able to form a "normal" relationship, or get out and hold a non-sex worker type of job. The money they make, at least the very pretty and able ones, can be an inticement very hard to resist once experienced by a poor Thai lass. And yes there are still a lot of ladies involved looking to score that Jai Dee farang husband. These are the ones I believe who become the most damaged in the scene the longer they are involved in it. A lot/some of the guys, the punters, come here with their own baggage too, already "damaged" for many reasons, mostly they've been burnt in love and life I've seen and it affects the way they P4P and somewhat the levels of their involvement in it.

 

But what you are saying is YOU are somehow smarter and stronger mentally than the women involved in this scene. Or is it because you are a man and paying for it and they are a woman and a "prostitute" and being paid. YOU can see the differences between love and paid sex, and remain undamaged. (And believe me HT I'm saying this with all due respect. Mostly to bring the discussion along.) Don't you feel the ladies can make these same distinctions? The ones we find to be "hard core" are exactly like you are talking about. They also see the distinction. For them it's just a job, right? For you it's just paying for sex. For them it's just sex for pay, and some "acting" to make the most baht possible. I'm not trying to be contentious here HT. Just playing a bit of the devil's advocate to further the discussion. So is it the "hard core" ladies who see the job as what it truly is, as you do yourself, that can remain the least damaged or totally undamaged as you yourself?

 

For me I see varying degrees of involvment on both sides. Some get into the scene but are not "addicted" let's say. They can jump in, either as a punter or as a sex worker, and then, when they've gotten what they wanted from it, whatever that is, they get out. (Let's call it short term involvement, or involvement for personal gain in one form or another.) Some can do this without much being affected, or maybe only slightly so. Some are in so deep they cannot or don't want to get out, and that's fine for them, to each his own as they say. Or "up to you" as the Thais are famous for saying. But it does affect them and damage them, right? The ladies that is, and not the men? C'mon I know you must have met some guys along the way that were pretty screwed up even before they ever started being involved with Thailand's pay for play scene, and once in the scene are totally as you put it " truly fucked". Some of them know it and admit it, others won't, don't, and never will.

 

You said, "Can I have a normal relationship? Sure. Why not?"

 

That, sir, IS the question really. "Why not?" It's the reason for the post and the discussion. I saw that some members seem to feel the scene has damaged them for a "normal" relationship, or can be damaging in some way or another. I want to know why they feel this way, and what they think. Just curious as to why some feel this way and want to hear what they have to say about it.

 

You don't feel there needs to be cause for concern or any damage caused by participating in the P4P scene as long as one sees the distictions between P4P and love. (I put it a bit more crassly and said "as long as one uses the big head more than the little head") I feel this way myself, and agree. I want to know why some of the others here feel differently, and what their thoughts and reasoning behind their thoughts are.

 

Later,

 

Cent

[Central Scrutinizer]

Fly,

 

 

"dunno, but i think a relationship contains a bit more than just getting laid."

 

Very true, but it's not a relationship we are talking about here. It's how involvement in the P4P scene can possibly damage one for a "normal" relationship as some of the members seem to feel it does. I was merely stating that here in Thailand one can be involved in many differing levels of the P4P scene and still pursue normal relationships, using the P4P scene to releive a severe case of "blue balls" as we Yanks call it. :-)

 

"and to be honest to myself, that nightlife has damaged me a lot, getting out of it was very difficult."

 

But that is the question! HOW do you feel it has damaged you?

 

"it is, as every addiction goes, something which stays for the rest of your life. just being rose eyed and looking at the high of it is a bit naiv i would say, denial. there is a down side to that whole madness, which has nearly destroyed my life, and the life of many of my friends of those days."

 

So you feel it became an addiction for you, damaged you in some way for a "normal" relationship, and found it very hard to pull yourself away from the P4p scene, and feel it has "damaged" you by your indulgence in the scene for the rest of your life? How so? Could you elaborate on your experience and your feelings of why you feel this is so? Nearly destroyed your life in what way?

 

Thanks for your input.

 

Cent

[Central Scrutinizer]

Fly,

 

"my question would be:

can you go to thailand for a holiday and manage not to have sex at all while being here? no gogo bars, no MP, nothing like that. and then just fly home?

could you manage that?"

 

Excellent question, and a good point. For myself the answer would be no. Not if I was single. As I am married and don';t butterfly on my wife the answer is yes, I can and do frequently. But I'm getting it at home. And I see nothing wrong with a single guy indulging in the scene using care and caution.

 

Cent

[Guest]

>>>And I see nothing wrong with a single guy indulging in the scene using care and caution.<<<

 

right and wrong is i believe in the sense of what you posted not really the right approach, it leads you that far, but not further, and ends up in a very shallow moralistic debate.

the question is more, exactly the way how you asked

: how damaging is it?

 

 

[Guest]

>>>But that is the question! HOW do you feel it has damaged you?<<<

 

 

lets see, how can i express it best?

i am in a stable relationship, so in that way i was not too damaged. but there is the knowledge that when things can go wrong, i could always find cheap thrill, incredible enjoyment and a huge load of endorphines in that lifestyle.

and i would lie if i would say that at times it is not tempting. and then it takes a lot of self control.

i have then to visualise that such a slip could destroy everything i have built up over the last years.

 

 

[paulc31]

Hi Cent,

 

>>>> my question would be:

can you go to thailand for a holiday and manage not to have sex at all while being here? no gogo bars, no MP, nothing like that. and then just fly home?

could you manage that?<<<<

 

I can answer that Question for you, answer is: YES

I have been going to Thailand 2 time a year for the last 2 years :: and never steped in to any of the GO-GO bars

 

I had no desire too, and still don't

Plus now I'm see a very nice woman now.. I can't be HAPPIER :grinyes:

 

paulc31

 

 

[Guest]

Excellent thread

 

For me, never been divorced and without children but in a serious relationship for 12 years, I have been involved the P4P-scene for more than 8 years. While being in the relationship, I went "outside" occasionally first, later more and more often. When it came to the decision to get married, I decided to stay alone.

 

After all that time, well I think, it would be very difficult for a girl to catch my attention. The thrill and fascination of the grey zone and the huge number of sometimes really good girls made me really addictive. Sometimes I tried to take a (good) local girl, but it usually ended in a catastrophe.

 

And also within the p4p-scene, I started taking lt-girls only, usually for one week or more. Over the time, I became less and less attracted by long-times. Nowadays, I very seldom let a girl sleep in my bed.

 

So, for me, I think, non-p4p is most probably gone.

[Guest]

prostitute is such an ugly word.. I always thought they were dancers :grinyes:

[Guest]

Great thread. I am not sure I would use the word damaged. But I think there is no way to be involved in p4p and not have at least some changes occur. Just as some people can drink socialy, and some have problems with drinking. there can be those that are really affected badly. But the bottom line for me is that I have definatly been changed by the experience. In some ways it has simplified my life. In some ways it has complicated it. I came into the p4p scene with some very negative opinions of women to begin with. What has happened for me is that I am able to be more comforable with a prostitute, because I feel at least they are being honest about who and what they are. The fact that they are not in a position to inflict emotional damage has been a great relief. What I find now is that I am begining to seek more emotional content, but at a metered rate that I can control. So what is starting to happen for me is that I am begining to think that I may want a longer term relationship at some point. Not there yet but it is on the radar. In the meantime bless the working girl.

[Guest]

I think the only way you can be damaged by being a naughty boy is if you later regret your actions. Suppose what I mean is if you cant deal with your actions later in life or you meet someone you like and they dont take warmly to your sordid little past.

 

Personally I wouldnt give a shit. I dont pay for play anyway I pay to get rid of them..

 

Having said that I am comming to LOS on Monday( :beer:HURRAY! ).. Rest assured I will be asking myself some very searching questions as to how damaged I am after my latest adventure.