From Shop Girl To Bar Girl. A True Story.

[El_Tel]

I first met Nok (not her real name) when she was working at the shop across from my apartment building. She had the typical Esarn features, dark silky skin (though let down by some serious acne), a killer smile and a body that could be best described as 'pneumatic'. Think Ginger Spice.

 

She lived in nearby apartments with 2 other girls, one of whom worked in NEP. She had never worked in a bar but was not unaccustomed to the scene as she sometimes played pool with friends in nearby beer bars.

 

After a period of a few weeks we had become friendly and would often go to the movies or have lunch. I made it perfectly clear to her that I was not in the market for a girlfriend as I was a 'butterfly' who went to Soi Cowboy for 'horizontal refreshment'. She said she had no problems with this and I kept the relationship platonic despite some strong signals from her, especially when we were watching vcd's in my room. I did like her but only as a friend, nothing more.

 

When not at work, she studied at a college in the Bang Na area and would occasionally turn up for a date in uniform.

I noticed that she was quite bright and had her tuition paid for by a local farang sponsor. I wondered what she was expected to give in return but after she showed me e-mail messages from the guy, it was fairly obvious that he was on the level and expected receipts from her school to show that the money was going to the correct places.

 

As time went on, it was rather obvious Nok was in the market for a farang husband to take care of her. Who could blame her. Her options were limited. She would post her details on internet matchmaking agencies in the hope of getting lucky.

While not a BG or a freelancer, she was also certainly not a GTG.

 

One day, she had a 'problem' with the other girl in the shop and as her colleague was the owner's girlfriend, it was time to find a new job. It was at this time that our relationship started to sour. She would often turn up at my room unnanounced after being told in no uncertain terms that this was a no-no. I wasn't prepared to have her knocking on my door when I was, shall we say 'entertaining'.

 

She phoned me one evening to ask if she could come over and watch a vcd movie but I had told her not tonight as I was sick (I was) and needed sleep.

 

10 minutes later, I'm awoken by a knock at my door and Nok is outside holdinga bunch of vcd's. My fever and food-poisoning had erroded my patience and I shouted at her (for the first time). She walked off in tears. At the time, I was relieved just to get back to bed but the next day, I felt guilty though my stubbornness prevented me from calling her to apologise.

 

Passing her in the street a few weeks later (the friendship had cooled after I had scolded her and there were no more calls), she smilingly introduced the young lad she was with as her son. I started to laugh. Nok was about 24 years old and this lad must have been aged about 9 or 10. She appeared embarrassed and it dawned on me that this was really her son. She had had a kid at 14 and the Thai father had done a runner (surprise!).

 

I asked whether she had found another job and she said that she hadn't. She would scour The Post for work as her written and spoken English was excellent but had had no luck due to lacking a degree.

 

I wondered if she would gravitate towards the bar scene. Her acne had cleared and she had the correct attributes to be successful. The lure of easy money would be strong, especially with a 9 year old kid to support.

 

Some time later, a fellow farang living at my apartments who had met her while she was a shop girl told me that he had seen her working at a beer bar at Clinton Plaza. I walked by a few times but never saw her there. I phoned her to say hi and with the intention of asking her about her work. She said she had only worked there 2 days and left because she disliked the BG's.

 

A period of a few months went by with no contact. I was still being the big butterfly in Cowboy and I assumed that she had finally found a guy. During a long weekend in Pattaya with a regular a few weeks back, I received an SMS from her saying she desperately needed someone to talk to. I replied stating that I was holidaying in Pattaya and I heard no more from her.

 

I passed her in the street yesterday. She looked good and seemed well as she hurried to her room in the rain and she motioned that she would call me.

 

She called me on my mobile this afternoon and we swapped small talk.

 

 

She started work as a go-go dancer in Soi Cowboy tonight.

 

Can anyone tell me why I feel sick to my stomach?

[Guest]

Because you really care for her. And you know what is in store for her. More than she knows herself.

 

Dude.........my best advice?

 

Either be willing to commit to her, or forget it. One thing I've come to know about Thai girls......they demand TOTAL commitment. If you cannot/willing to give that to her, then you can only watch in anguish, from afar.

 

You got 2 choices.....commit to her, or walk away. No middle ground.

 

Don't cry about her choices, but at the same time, be unwilling to alter them.

 

HT

 

 

 

[Guest]

HT, I agree that your advice is probably the best, but........

 

I have managed to keep relationships with some of these girls...... just as friends. And they sure need a friend more than most. Over the years they have cried on my shoulder, raged about a customer, told me their family lives. For me a valuble insight into life in LOS. For them.... a friend they don't have to treat as a customer and some insights into the workings of a farang mind.

 

Works for me.

[chilli13]

No offence to HT, but this I consider the best advice even I struggle to see the big issue with el tel & this girl

[Guest]

Hi LaoHuLi,

 

Yes.....but if poster is sick to his stomach about girl working in bar, that would imply serious feeling towards her, if not a love for her. I too, have contacts with previous girls, but am not sick to my stomach when I hear they had a new customer last night. It's just business as usual. It's what they do. I understand that, and also can care about them, but not to the degree that I am sick to hear that they are screwing customers.

 

I, like you, have a number of girls I communicate with, from past experiences. They trust us enough to share true feelings, and let us enter their lives, as friends, and not just her punter du jour. Because they have come to know a certain trust from us, through time, ect.

 

But.......my post was addressing posters feelings of watching a somewhat GTG entering the prostitution scene, and was making him sick to watch. And I still stand by it. Either shit, or get off the pot. Does he hate it so much, that he is willing to keep her from doing? Or just does not like watching, but be willing to watch her do, without intervention on his part?

 

Khao jai mai?

 

HT..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[torrenova]

You feel sick because you care. You are now questioning your choice not to get together with her because her situation has forced her to change profession. However, you decided not to get involved and have to live with that.

 

You can't save them all and all of them were something before they entered the P4P scene.

 

I never had the same length of time to get to know a girl as you describe but I met once one who hated the job (bar girl for a couple of weeks) and I started to care a little. I wasn't going to buy her out and support her but I can't and don't feel as though I have personally condemned her to a life shagging foreigners for money.

 

Try to ease up on yourself, unless you are really thinking about ending the butterfly life and think you could be happy with her.

[cardinalblue]

LHL,

 

I struggle with this one in trying to turn a BG into a meaningful friendship. On more than one ocassion, it would be nice to have some of these BGs as friends but is it really possible?

 

I guess it depends on what the definition of friendship is. Usually I will define friendship as a reciprocal one where it is a give and take because both people are usually at the same level. The situation defines who needs the shouldar to cry on and not the circumstances. With Bgs, it is always one way. Unfortuantely, their lack of money dictates their life, their thinking, their direction, thier ability to be or not to be a friend? Their hands are tied so much to the BG scene that I am not sure and i think they struggle with the definitions of who is a friend and who is a customer. If you help a girl financially just a little bit, with no sex expected from it, they will deifne you as a friend in their eyes ("jai dii" is what one hears so often) . But is it not the same as buying her friendship even though that is not your intention of what you had in mind? Again, it comes back to money which complicates the frienship equation. The money imbalance can never be removed with a BG frienship.

 

Can a BG really be a true platonic friend? Can you tell her your problems or ask for her advice on a personal situation in your life? Can she really grip an understanding of that problem nor does she really want to given her own problems are probably much more dire in need than yours?

 

There are or have been a couple of BGs that i would have like to develop sincere friendships with, but they have been only superficial at best. The frienships usually go one way (like a counsellor, a big brother, etc). It is virutally impossible to take their money problems out of whatever situation to really form a true friendship...

 

In most normal friendships, money is never discussed and any costs are shared and expected to be divided equally(when you do things together or a reciprocal effect, etc).

 

I admire you greatly if you have formed meaningful friendships (no sex involved from some point in time forward) with BGs where you can depend upon them as much as they can depend upon you....

 

I would classify my friendships (no sex involved) with BGs so far more as father-daughter/counselor/big brother relationships and probably superficial at best. If you really need help, advice or an opinion, who do you really turn to?

 

 

Cardinalblue

[Guest]

As I said before. Your advice is sane, sensible and correct..

 

Sick to his stomach...as sign of caring? love?? Bad shrimp maybe or guilt. I avoid both.

 

Again my relationships with the girls I am refering to are NOT from previous 'relationships'. Just friends. Not did, nor will bed them.

 

Yes, I can see being concerned over someone entering the BG scene. But as you so correctly advise, he either has to jump in and commit ot step away. I was only suggesting that, for some, there is a another path available.

 

[pattaya127]

but if poster is sick to his stomach about girl working in bar, that would imply serious feeling towards her, if not a love for her.

------------------

Not thw way I read it, given he never showed any interest towards her. I think he meant sad that she turned into prostitution and joined tons of girls. As many chose to vote in my poll about sex tourism: complex issues but something is wrong there.

 

 

[Guest]

CB

Well it has been possible for me to have a few of these relationships. For me the reciprocal nature you seem to require of friends does not enter into it. I feel fortunate oto have people I consider friends on many different 'levels'. We equal it out by realising we are all mortal humans on this journey that never goes as planned. Be they kingpin or bg, saint or sinner, we all share much in this life. Maybe nudist camps have the right idea, strip away all the veneer and see who everyone really is.

 

(Imagine Nanplaza, where EVERYONE had to be naked. Girls, punters, cops, vendors and cleaners. Would close in a week. )

 

I guess we all require and get different from friendships. I don't require them to be my confessor or equally divide the finances. Just be honest, share a beer, or a story or enjoy each others company for shopping or a walk in the park. Have you never called a buddy and said, 'Come on. I feel like pizza tonight, I'm buying.' Or given away tickets to some event that you weren't interested, and thought they might be. Or seen something in a little shop that struck your fancy that your friend might like, and just bought it for them.

 

As friends we tend to leave each others work at work. No matter their job. Be it surgeon, or sweeper, pilot or BG. And no one keeps a running tally of 'who owes who'. Guess all your friends must 'carry their weight' or else no friendship. Just not my way.

 

Ans to you last question [color:"blue"]If you really need help, advice or an opinion, who do you really turn to?

[/color]

 

The only person I can really know and trust........me.

 

 

Does this mean you keep track of the number of rounds, and only buy when it's your turn. Hope not, cause I'd buy you a beer in Dec, but I don't want you to feel that you have to reciprocate.