Thai girl in USA

[jasmine]

[color:"red"] You know HT you have quoted her a couple of times as saying things like, "She insists it's not important. She says the only thing she cares about it being with me."

 

Surely you know enough to discount that kind of talk. It is boiler plate Thai lady speak akin to "Handsome man!" Firstly, she is not mature enough to decide that she doesn't care about being uprooted. Secondly, 95% of the time the thing young Thai ladies really care about is getting themselves and their family hooked into the support the farang can provide.

[/color]

 

This can be true to many Thais, IMO, not that they are not sincere, that is really what they know.

 

On HT's case, I find the TG very insistent, to the point that sounds very "desparate" but that is an opinion of an old woman who has seen too many cases of Thai women wanted to come to the USA.

 

HT, please pay a bit of attention to some of what she said, but of course, I am not you who is quite in love at this time.

I have said it before you went to meet her that I just don't feel comfortable on what she said, sounds too desparate for me and I still feel the same way, sorry.

 

However, on the other side of the coin, some love can happen pretty quick, what is important is how ones grow together when married.

 

Jasmine

[sfinkz]

"On HT's case, I find the TG very insistent, to the point that sounds very "desparate"..."

___________________________________________________If this is so, then, it seems it does take two to tango. It now appears to me, however, that it is HT who is being at least a tad obsessive. This discussion board has been witness to this relationship since day one, which was not long ago, as it seems to pervade many of his postings. By way of background, it seems he was determined to, in his own words, meet a "good girl" and believed in internet chat rooms as a way to accomplish this. When the mark was identified, it overnight resulted in daily marathon chats of up to 10 hours. Soon their only meeting was arranged and we were even regaled with intimate details about their initial sexual encounter, quite possibly a first for np.com, including confirmation of her virginal status, which presumably made her even "gooder". In this thread, I see further evidence of his "24/7" strategy, lamenting upon the bleakness of this supposed curious and intelligent woman in her first international travel, in Hawaii no less, as she must be apart from her beloved for three days a week (which she is more than OK with, whereas he is troubled).

 

I suppose what finally tipped me off to this way of thinking was the current thread detailing his upcoming visit to Thailand, only now with time on his hands as the GF will begin a new job. Do not fear, however, because he intends to meet her daily for lunch "like a good boyfriend", but almost more like a puppy. I presume she has agreed to this--if so, and here, unfortunately, I'll have to stereotype--but it could be that Thai woman in the early stages of a farang relationship are more prone to say yes when they mean no. What I'm saying is that, without fail, at 11:45 a.m. on her first day of work she will be invited by her Thai colleagues for lunch. Refusing this, and to meet a vacationing farang instead no less, would certainly be a topic of conversation among her workmates. I would think that dinner and all night and breakfast should be sufficient, allowing her to have a life outside of the relationship, particularly in her own country.

 

Could seem like a small detail but when all the pieces that we have been party to are added up it does hint at compulsion. In no way do I wish to be critical, HT is obviously on to something he has sought and I'm sure we all wish him well. But as he has asked for comments and obviously seems smitten, which is a potentially wonderful but also partially blind state, it is our responsibility. Others here have advised about backing off and experience a bit of real life together first, which he pooh-poohed because he "could not possibly know more about her". It may be, however, that it would be wise to call off the full-court press, and thus more receptive to be surprised in due time, pleasantly or otherwise.

[Guest]

Hi Jasmine,

 

I understand your concerns. First of all, she does not care where we are together. In fact, at first she wanted me to find a way to live in Thailand. It was only after she understood that it was impossible for me right now, did we discuss her coming her.

 

The most important thing that should be noted is that she is not after money. She very much knows I have none....hahaha. She knows I recently (3-4 yrs. ago) went through divorce, where I lost a lot, and that I support a daughter. And will have to get a second job to support her as well. I do not send her money, and she does not ask. She is self-supporting, and has made it clear she will be working when we are together. Her making only 10,000/month, she has even offered to send me money. ::

 

Desparate? I can see how it could seem that way, but she is not. As she had told me in the past, "Easy for Thai girl to find farang boyfriend". In fact, she had two before me. First was several years ago, who I believe she really did love. Trouble was he was just not commited to her, to the point of her being to be able to be totally comfortable. While going out, his phone would always be ringing with other puu-ying on the other end, his ex\girlfriend kept calling her and saying bad things to her, etc. I asked her why they never had sex, and she said she could just never be 100% sure of him, so told him she would only have sex if they got married, as a sort of test. She could see after, that he was not the right one for her. After that, went out with another guy who was quite wealthy, and lived in BKK 6 months a year. He saw her at MBK with her Ragsit English teacher, and he went ballistic, saying she was a butterfly. She explained that teacher was only a friend, and she was good friends with his long-time girlfriend. Guy went to Rangsit, talked to the teacher, but by the time he finally found out the situation was honest, My girl had lost all interest in him because he did not believe her.

 

So what is her attraction to me? One reason is because she could see from the beginning that I truely cared for her. She could never believe I would wait for her 1/2 hour online while she had a task to do at work, or take a strong interest in her family. I didn't tell her what we would do when me meet, but let her decide what she wanted to do. According to her, nobody in her life has taken such an intrest in her, and showed her the commitment I do.

 

And finally, I do trust her. Because she has always given me every reason to. I've never cought her in a single lie, or inconstancy. And believe me, I have tried. But not any more. She tells me every detail of her day. On weekends, she will go home to parents, or Angtong to visit grandparents. I'll call at anytime of day, and she is always were she says she will be. I'll say hi to her sister, or mom on the phone. It was a big deal to take her to Samui, and we were worried what she would tell mother. In the end, she said she could not lie to her, and told her the truth. She is a very honest girl. Both old boyfriend have contacted her since we've been together. The 1st one to say he had gotten married, and she told him all about me. The second used to send her SMS, which she never returned, because he had not trusted her. She tells me everything in the slightest detail. She does not drink or smoke, and has gone out at night twice since I've been back here. 1 with a group of friends from Angtong who had come to town, the other with a group of old Rangsit friends. She explained both outings in great detail, because she, "not want me to worry she is not a good girl for me."

 

And lastly, she is always saying how changed she is now, and that all her friends are always telling her they have never seen her like this. In fact, because they all want to see the guy who can do this to her, she has set up a party in BKK to show them. She has done the same with her Angtong friends, when we go there.

 

Believe me, this has nothing to do with money. She could do much better than me, in that department, that is for sure. And she's very well aware of that. She has a very outgoing personally, and could snag just about any rich falang she wanted. It's just not what she is about at all.

 

Don't worry, Jasmine. We are not getting married tomorrow. I'll be with her for 2 weeks next week, and we will live together for at least 3 months after that, before truly deciding, and maybe still needing more time after that. It will either continue to get stronger, or go the other way. Can't really tell until we live with a daily everyday life grind, as opposed to a vacation setting. Only time can tell....

 

I am not blinded by love. I've looked at this very carefully. I'm one of the biggest cynics on this board, as you well know. She just has no reason, or motive whatsoever, to be BS'ing me.

 

She has never brought any male to meet her beloved grandmother, who raised her. This has always been the most important person in her life. She's not doing this because she see's a pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. She know's the only thing in my pot is a big pile of credit card debt. ::

 

HT

[Guest]

Hi sfinkz,

 

We posted the same time.

 

It's very hard to completely convey everything on the net. Meeting for lunch? She would not take the job without me agreeing to do so. She had been applying for work, stateing to all she could not start until after I had left. She explained to me there was this really good job she wanted, but turned it down, because I was coming. They needed someone to start sooner. I told her that she was crazy, and finally convinced her call back and take the job, and that I would be with her all the rest of the time. This took 2 days. Finally, she would only do so, IF I promised to meet her for lunch every day that she worked.

 

>>>>I would think that dinner and all night and breakfast should be sufficient, allowing her to have a life outside of the relationship, particularly in her own country.<<<<

 

Hahahahha......Yea, I can see me trying to tell her that. It takes me 10 minutes to convince her for me to run down to the 7-11 alone without her in tow. Hard to explain the situation.

 

Was I looking for a non-bar girl? Yup. Sure was. And so I found one...nothing wrong with that, in my mind.

 

>>>In this thread, I see further evidence of his "24/7" strategy, lamenting upon the bleakness of this supposed curious and intelligent woman in her first international travel, in Hawaii no less, as she must be apart from her beloved for three days a week (which she is more than OK with, whereas he is troubled).<<<

 

Should I have a concern with bringing a girl to a strange country, and be concerned with dumping her into an empty house alone 4 days a week? You bet. Wouldn't care much about her well-being if I weren't concerned about that.

 

Probably my fault, but your taking a very wrong read on this relationship. Many 1,000's of details which are impossible to convey here.

 

HT

[Guest]

Should I have a concern with bringing a girl to a strange country, and be concerned with dumping her into an empty house alone 4 days a week?

 

But it would be a good test to dump her into an empty house alone 5 days a week!

 

It takes me 10 minutes to convince her for me to run down to the 7-11 alone without her in tow.

 

When I was on ko samed with my GF, I proposed to go to the beach disco (just about 100 m away). She told me that she doesn't want to go there but that I could go alone.

 

Are you sure that you want a woman who clings at you so much?

 

I must admit that I envy you. You are in a very comfortable situation. I would have to let alone my GF 5 days a week in a small appartement. And sometimes I have to work at the weekend too. And I have less money available than you.

So if your GF can't cope with your very comfortable situation then how could I ever dare to invite a TG?!?

 

Best regards

[sfinkz]

"...your taking a very wrong read on this relationship. Many 1000's of details which are impossible to convey here."

___________________________________________________

 

OK, fair enough. Best of luck and enjoy your upcoming time together. And though we have heard many of the details, wittingly or not, no need to learn all. It's just with every new release it seems to get curiouser and curiouser to the point that quite a web is being strung. Beyond bizarre really, maybe Ms. Jasmine does have a better take on it.

 

For instance the notion "she would only (take the job) if I promised to meet her for lunch every day." Or, "It takes me 10 minutes to convince her for me to run down to the 7-11 alone." And not to nitpick, but on the other current thread you mention that you are hopeful to attend the Jan. 23 meeting "as she didn't have a big problem with me doing, last time." Is it possible she will have a bigger problem this time?

 

These snippets, I believe, would get the hackles of many of us here up. But with regards to your relationship, all that matters is the two of you. Are you comfortable with this and consider it part of her charms?

[Guest]

You have to understand that we get very precious little time together. So what time we can manage, is important. But neither of us are insane about it. Last time I went to Nana meeting, and she went back home for the whole night, to help mother and sister get ready for a river cruise the next day. When I am there, she will want to go out on every errand with me, but also understands that if I am meeting some guys I know there for an all-guy meeting, she did not have a problem, and I don't expect to this time, either.

 

Anyway.....is impossible to explain a relationship in it's entirety here, nor do I care too. My question was simply how best to make of a situation where a Thai girl needs to sit at home waiting for her green card.

 

HT

[sfinkz]

"You have to understand that we get very precious little time together."

___________________________________________________

 

Understood.

 

"...is impossible to explain a relationship in it's entirety here, nor do I care too."

___________________________________________________

 

Promise? (And I do believe it was the volunteering of the most intimate aspects which disparages the other base details).

 

"My question was simply how best to make of a situation where a Thai girl needs to sit at home waiting for her green card."

___________________________________________________

 

OK then, as clarified by myself and others here, under the K-I (and I can sympathize that despite its intent it is often the tourist visa of last resort, meaning you want to be doubly careful), though the green card will be years in coming (with a valid marriage) work eligibility is near immediate.

 

And it was this need--for a young, curious woman in her first international travel--to sit at home, as opposed to roaming Oahu, that activated my spider sense.

[Guest]

>>>And it was this need--for a young, curious woman in her first international travel--to sit at home, as opposed to roaming Oahu, that activated my spider sense.<<<

 

As I explained, it is the initial part only I am worried about. I will need to teach her to drive, get her a car, and have her know her way around a bit. We do have a bus system here, but is a bit of a walk to get to, and she will not know what bus goes where, anyway. All street names, and many area's here are in Hawaiian language. If she wants to get to kalanianiole street, but ends up 20 miles away on kalaniani Way in Kanehoe, she will be in trouble. It is not easy to get around this island, unless you are familiar with it, or just need to go to Waikiki. I do not live on a main road. "OK honey, we're on Puananiana. Take the Puanai bus to Kaawia and Kawaii intersection, then transfer to Kaaakowili bus, and take to Iwelei Center. Hahahaha. Shit.....I've been here 22 years, and still get confussed.

 

The problem is I will not be able to take off work for two weeks when (if) she arrives. So can only show her slowly how to get around. This was/is my only concern. After a little time, she will be able to know where she wants to go, and how to get there without me in tow.

 

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions everybody.

 

HT

[sfinkz]

Had a good laugh at those directions, would make a nice comedy routine. You mean you can't just follow the wind to the leeward side and back again? Good you've sussed it all out. Have a nice trip.