sidsanuk Posted March 9, 2004 Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Any ideas/tips gratefully received. I am married (2 years) to a great girl. Me mid forties, she mid thirties. She has been with me in OZ for 2 years now. First time she has been out of LOS. We met in BKK. (I travel there for work off and on) We now live in Sydney. The trouble is, I am finding it hard for her to feel really happy here. She is well educated (Uni), speaks fairly good English (studied in BKK as well as here). She is smart and great fun, but seems to lack confidence a bit. She keeps saying that she really wants to find a job, so she can send more money home etc (We send money from my salary currently, not that I mind that). But she seems to lack the energy and confidence to do anything about it. Really relies on me to help her. She has worked part time in my office, but I really think she needs to work at something that will practice her English and expose her to other people. She really needs to meet other people and make friends. Probably Thai and non Thai. Guess I do not help being a bit of a workaholic, so I don't exactly have hordes of friends either. None really, just the people I work with. We have great fun together, and when we do socialise, she gets on really well with new people. I just worry that being on her own all day when I am at work, she will get lonely and depressed, and that she needs to get out and 'do something'. (she goes into the city on shopping trips, but that is not much fun alone) We don't need her to work, for the money, although a bit extra would always be handy, it is more for the social aspect. She does miss her family a bit, but she travels back to BKK once a year (thanks to frequent flyer tickets) and talks to her family on the phone a couple of times week (thanks to phone cards). Funnily enough, she is in BKK now for an extended trip of 5 weeks and is already (after 1 week) wanting to come home to Oz. Family driving her nuts! But that's another story. I think the real key, will be for her to get a job of somekind. She loves cooking (studied here for 6 months, but found commercial cookery a bit stressful). She is a lovely bright, cute girl, but not really up to high stress work environments! On re-reading this, I make her sound like a spoilt little princess! She is not I assure you. Her home life was quite tough, nice family but always short of money, and her working life was not great. Had some really shit bosses over the years. (she worked in marketing) She is just a really nice girl, living in a strange land, with no real friends to turn to...except me. It's lucky that we are each others best friend! And I love her to bits, so any thoughts or shared experiences gratefully received. Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted March 9, 2004 Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Since she has nothing else to do, get her into fitness. All the major gyms have aerobics classes, trainers etc. Keeping her body hard is good for her and you. Maybe you can join her. Classes for cooking as a hobby are probably not stressful. Whatever she likes doing while at home all day, you can find a group of people who like to have scheduled meetings about it, i.e. book clubs if she reads, knitting, whatever. Since she is smart, what about taking a college class? If you take her to the temple she can find out what other thais are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukhumvit Posted March 9, 2004 Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Sounds like she needs friends of her own more than relying upon you alone espcially if you're busy at work. Second the fitness idea. Maybe if she's fairly traditional/shy she'd rather not socialise too much with men if you're not there. Investigate a women's only gym, (that came out wrong but you know what I mean). See if she likes tennis. A lot of girls I've known have hated any thought of organised sports/fitness but don't regard tennis the same way and enjoy it. Loads of ladies only leagues. If she's not got a driving licence then try to get her some driving lessons so she can become more independent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaad Posted March 9, 2004 Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Hi Sidsanuk, Best for her would be to find a job she likes. If there's no such thing then perhaps one (or more) of the zillion hobbies she could keep herself busy with. (fitness, other sports, joining this board or studying a language etc.) If none of the above helps well then..uhh...maybe time for a baby? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chanchao Posted March 9, 2004 Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 > If none of the above helps well then..uhh...maybe time for a baby? LOL!!! ;-) > If you take her to the temple she can find out what other thais are > doing. Err.. what if that turns out to be mostly drinking, gossiping and playing cards / gambling? Cheers, Chanchao Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidsanuk Posted March 9, 2004 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 MaiLuk, Thanks. She has done a number of classes, English and Cookery, but I like the idea of a class that will involve her in a group on an ongoing basis, be that a gym, or knitting :-) The temple is a good idea. I would actually like to get into it myself. Never been much of a person for Religion, but I am impressed with Budhism and the values it gives people. Only one slight hitch............She is one of the x% of Thais that are Muslim. Not that she is a practicing Muslim, but I think she might feel a bit wierd going to the Temple. Like she is doing something wrong. Silly I know. Well, not silly if you have been brought up to be Muslim of course. She actually went to a Budhist School (her dad is Budhist) so she is very familar with the whole thing. Thanks. Food for thought. Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidsanuk Posted March 9, 2004 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Sukhumvit, Thanks mate. Tennis is a great idea. She is studying for her driving licence currently. So that will give her a bit of independance. She has a Thai driving licence...........but you can't buy a licence here like in Thailand LOL. Very upset that she has to actually pass the test ! I'm not, her driving is crap :-) Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidsanuk Posted March 9, 2004 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Zaad, Baby huh :-( Had 4 of those last time around and swore never to have any more! She says she would like one....but I'm not sure I could handle it. Still...........long ongoing story :-) Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sidsanuk Posted March 9, 2004 Author Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Chanchao. You have hit the nail on the head mate. "If you take her to the temple she can find out what other thais are doing." "Err.. what if that turns out to be mostly drinking, gossiping and playing cards / gambling? " Not sure what it is...but all the Thais that she met during her first year here in Sydney, were a bit.....strange. Well, maybe 80% of them LOL. They were all students over here just to study, and ranged.....I kid you not..........from the Dumpy little rich girl, whose parents bought her an appartment here whilst she was studying. Think she is a professional student, whose family just wanted to keep her occupied! To the crazy young girl who liked to threaten the other students with the fact that she had 'mob' connections back in BKK, and if you wanted a 'piece' just let her know! All joking apart, I think you might be right about making friends with too many other Thais who are in the same boat so to speak. Have any other Board members found that to be an issue in Farangland? I remember a few posts a couple of years back about that very thing in the US. Any comments from guys in Sydney, who have their girls with them would be most appreciated. There is quite a large Thai community here, but not sure how you break into it, or if there are downsides from doing so. Sid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted March 9, 2004 Report Share Posted March 9, 2004 Hi A little surprised she has little or no friends in Sydney. Happy to arrange for her to meet my wife at her Restaurant for lunch and have a talk...i am sure she can give some goo :angel:d help/advice. My wife knows ""everybody...Thai"" in Sydney :: My wife is looking as i am typing this and has just said.."'have her call me quick quick"" Have PM you with her Mobile and her name... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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