gummigut Posted March 28, 2004 Report Share Posted March 28, 2004 "just that he senses it is a kind of grey zone" Kids are smart. He senses it's a grey zone because you allow it to be a grey zone. You need to be strict here and set down the law. Give him routine which also includes holidays or breaks. You can place these breaks as rewards one he has reached a certain learning milestone. If he learns faster, he gets more breaks. But I do believe the study routine is where you have to draw the line. Zaad: "is that he's got the wrong interests" He's a kid. He's got the right interests. The thing to do is to place these interest/activities as rewards or rights to be earned and not something that is an inherent right. <<burp>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaad Posted March 28, 2004 Report Share Posted March 28, 2004 He's a kid. He's got the right interests. The thing to do is to place these interest/activities as rewards or rights to be earned and not something that is an inherent right. I agree with you. Could not have found a better wording than the above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whosyourdaddy Posted March 29, 2004 Report Share Posted March 29, 2004 There is alot of info on distance learning. home schooling on the net. Set goals. When he reaches these goals he gets a award. Time with his friends etc. Home schooling can work but takes dedication. I would guess one on one tuitoring he would progress 50% faster than in a classroom. Set up monthly schedules on where he should be. You might want to follow some of the international curriculums and tests ( key stages and regions etc) Some of these exams can be found on the net. Yes it would be hard to control him. Just tell him when summer school starts and when he is allowed to be with his friends and stick with this. You are the teacher not him. He does not need a friend your age but a mentor, teacher and father. Grade 3 exams American benchmarks for grade 3 maths, reading and writing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrX Posted April 3, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 gummigut wrote: "Kids are smart. He senses it's a grey zone because you allow it to be a grey zone. You need to be strict here and set down the law. Give him routine which also includes holidays or breaks. You can place these breaks as rewards one he has reached a certain learning milestone. If he learns faster, he gets more breaks. But I do believe the study routine is where you have to draw the line." Agree with you kids ARE smart but conclude from this that as far as is practical they should have free rein about their learning and the 'teacher ' is the companion..ie kids should draw their own lines Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USVirgin Posted April 3, 2004 Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 Far from me to give parental advice, only to say that kids often grow up to resemble the behavior of their parent(s). So environment and example checks may be in order. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrX Posted April 3, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 is there ANYBODY on this board who doesn't subscribe to the leather belt school of moral education?...I know the foregoing is a bit extreme and unwarranted but there is a minimum-invasive, soft side to bringing up a kid..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
USVirgin Posted April 3, 2004 Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 is there ANYBODY on this board who doesn't subscribe to the leather belt school of moral education?... All I can tell you is that 'being myself' didn't work for me. Not that I have a bad kid, but we've had some difficulties that I would have thought being open and honest (about my past and present) with my daughter would have precluded. We have a good relationship but that doesn't mean she listened to my advice. I don't know you or anything about you, I'm only going by your posts in this thread when I say that you are trying to beat all odds here. You can do your best to teach him, and tell him, but what you actually DO, and what his mom and his friends do will carry more weight IMO. I'd get the hell out of Dodge as quickly as possible, but in case you're stuck there, for whatever reason, I admire you for doing your best and seeking advice, but I think you are swimming upstream big-time. I don't mean to be harsh, but kids from the ghetto have a more difficult time of being successful, statistically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrX Posted April 3, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 Thanks for the reply you are further down the kid rearing line than me I guess Dodge is Bangkok right? I dont understand about the ghetto? isnt teaching him what I actually DO? a bit mystified by your post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gummigut Posted April 4, 2004 Report Share Posted April 4, 2004 "... as far as is practical they should have free rein about their learning and the 'teacher ' is the companion" Have the kid follow his interests, yes, makes studying much more relevant but don't you still have to direct it in some way? Else you may have a kid who only wants to study reproduction and not anything else. "kids should draw their own lines" Now your telling me the kid should set the itinery/structure. Well he's doing that and you aren't happy right? He's out with his friends before you awake. He comes back and drags half the block. Then what happens? YOU draw the line. Can't have it both ways. "is there ANYBODY on this board who doesn't subscribe to the leather belt school of moral education?..." Look, lending structure to his studies doesn't instill 'moral' education. What he learns from studying should give him the tools to decide for himself what is and is not moral. "but there is a minimum-invasive, soft side to bringing up a kid..... " Only for so long will you have the ability to direct your kid. At a certain point they will lead themselves. Goal is to give him/her the tools with which to make the right decisions. If you don't instill a routine/schedule now, it won't happen in the future and the chances of him learning discipline are much less. This is important because at points in his life he's going to have to do things he doesn't like that will make his life much easier in the future. It's not just about discipline. It's more about that things aren't just given. Rights are earned. If you don't attempt to teach him this now, how is he going to ever know the value of money or hard work? No one can tell you what to do, but honestly, you can't complain about his behavior and then tell us that he should be drawing his own lines. Just not logical. <<definitely a lot easier to critique then actually do as well >> <<burp>> Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrX Posted April 4, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 4, 2004 just a few thoughts: gummigut wrote 'Have the kid follow his interests, yes, makes studying much more relevant but don't you still have to direct it in some way? Else you may have a kid who only wants to study reproduction and not anything else.' Think you do not trust the kid enuf......though you may be quipping about reproduction I think it suggests that you think one-sided, obsessive type behaviour is to be considered normal rather than being seen as a generated by a neurotic education system based on guilt , punishment etc "Now your telling me the kid should set the itinery/structure. Well he's doing that and you aren't happy right? He's out with his friends before you awake. He comes back and drags half the block. Then what happens? YOU draw the line." Actually I am saying just that. There is a huge and redoubtable tradition of free education for example see websites on summerhill, dartington hall, sands school. ..and these are just a few I know about. Yes I do draw the line in the story slightly shamefacedly I think but there are always limits to tolerance beyond didactic questions I suppose "Look, lending structure to his studies doesn't instill 'moral' education. What he learns from studying should give him the tools to decide for himself what is and is not moral." your criticism is unanswerable and my original post was sloppy "but there is a minimum-invasive, soft side to bringing up a kid..... " Only for so long will you have the ability to direct your kid. At a certain point they will lead themselves. Goal is to give him/her the tools with which to make the right decisions. If you don't instill a routine/schedule now, it won't happen in the future and the chances of him learning discipline are much less. This is important because at points in his life he's going to have to do things he doesn't like that will make his life much easier in the future. " sure there is a tight time frame but I think it isnt about instilling......rather facilitating an awareness of consequences and letting self-discipline evolve and as for routines think they pretty much look after themselves "It's not just about discipline. It's more about that things aren't just given. Rights are earned. If you don't attempt to teach him this now, how is he going to ever know the value of money or hard work?" up to him.....does hard work have any particular value per se? also rights are not earned surely ..they are our birthright "No one can tell you what to do, but honestly, you can't complain about his behavior and then tell us that he should be drawing his own lines. Just not logical." I agree with you....I intended something whimisical and lightly whining in the original piece which maybe does not come through...really Kit is a great kid and apparently doing OK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.