Dating within the Thai workplace....

[cardinalblue]

This is a question for any ex-pats or especially teachers who have dated within their thai workplace of employment.

 

I am quite familar with the pros and cons in my own country(america) but wondering what are the pitfalls and things that might completely hit me by surprise in LOS.

 

I have worked 3 plus years now in BKK but intentionally looked elsewhere to meet GTGs. I have always tended not to mix social and work especially given the availability of attractive GTGs in other venues. I will add because i haven't hit on students or fellow employees, some even wondered if i was gay or at least Mormon (they always ask me if i drink or smoke in every placed i have worked). I have come away with the concept that thai girls expect falang teachers to regularly hit upon them ....

 

But a particular women has caught my attention and meets what i have been looking for. She is one of these nice-looking, very good-style, conservative girls types that i see every morning/evening riding the sky train but will never meet.....

 

A couple of potential problems rests with she is the daughter of a senior professor/dean and the image of me being in a lowly instructor position. I am the only falang teacher at the university and they seem to like me but I also not stupid enough to realize what teachers (thais or foreigners)are there to serve thai needs and are not held in any great esteem in the bigger picture of things.

 

Up to this point, I haven't mind being casted in this image in keeping a low, non-attention lifestyle.

 

I basically retired at the age of 40 when i came here but i needed a work permit.

 

I have had my eye and interests on her for the last six months but i was involved in another relationship; thus nothing but a casual observer.

 

But she (mid twenties) seemed to have taken an interest in me recently asking me more than the standard questions which i should take as flattering.

 

I just don't want to do anything offensive within the thai culture and look like a fool as well as jepordize my working relationship which up to this point has been very enjoyable. I have had a number of students/employees over the years ask me to do things but i have not ventured away from group actitvites other than well-established friendships....

 

So if anyone wants to share what NOT to do or mistakes you made or learned from, I would like to hear them...

 

This is one fish I think I want to put bait on my pole and get it in the water and see if the nibbles are real or illusionary......

 

 

Cardinalblue

[radioman]

This is a good one and I for sure have no answer for you but, there is always a but, why should it be so different. This sounds to me like normal human behaviour, going through the motions to determine a possible mates suitability. How you respond will probably determine the next course of action. Daddy might be the dean and you only a teach but it sounds to me as if she is an educated lady and so probably allowed a little more free thinking than some, it's 2004 not 1984. Could be she fancies some 'forbidden fruit', whatever.

 

To me this raises a bigger question though, I'm not, I think, totally lacking in social skills, I'm no 'hansum man', though I get that more and more, but neither am I Fiery Jack (okay I admit this is purely a mental picture I have of FJ). Point is I never read the book on chatting up women. I smile at anything that makes an impression but beyond that it's sometimes hard to know where to go and how to break the ice. In your case it might simply be a case of 'You can't win if you don't play the game', so get stuck in, somehow, maybe through a common aquaintance.

 

Beyond that, how "do" you chat up a nice girl?

 

M

[Grabii]

cb,

 

You pose an interesting question. When I was an expat working in Nonthaburi a few years ago I avoided dating someone from the company for the reason that you cite - it's a dangerous move in the US these days and that was the environment that set my behaviors. In retrospect, I now think that I needn't have been so cautious.

 

It the situation that you describe, I would not be worried about the dating. But I would be very worried about what might happen if your dating does not progress to a higher level and the relationship breaks off. Or even more worried that the relationship might progress to a higher level and then break off. You would be very vulnerable to the consequences of any ill feeling that may develop on the part of Khun Paw.

 

Grabii

 

cardinalblue said:

This is a question for any ex-pats or especially teachers who have dated within their thai workplace of employment.

 

I am quite familar with the pros and cons in my own country(america) but wondering what are the pitfalls and things that might completely hit me by surprise in LOS.

 

I have worked 3 plus years now in BKK but intentionally looked elsewhere to meet GTGs. I have always tended not to mix social and work especially given the availability of attractive GTGs in other venues. I will add because i haven't hit on students or fellow employees, some even wondered if i was gay or at least Mormon (they always ask me if i drink or smoke in every placed i have worked). I have come away with the concept that thai girls expect falang teachers to regularly hit upon them ....

 

But a particular women has caught my attention and meets what i have been looking for. She is one of these nice-looking, very good-style, conservative girls types that i see every morning/evening riding the sky train but will never meet.....

 

A couple of potential problems rests with she is the daughter of a senior professor/dean and the image of me being in a lowly instructor position. I am the only falang teacher at the university and they seem to like me but I also not stupid enough to realize what teachers (thais or foreigners)are there to serve thai needs and are not held in any great esteem in the bigger picture of things.

 

Up to this point, I haven't mind being casted in this image in keeping a low, non-attention lifestyle.

 

I basically retired at the age of 40 when i came here but i needed a work permit.

 

I have had my eye and interests on her for the last six months but i was involved in another relationship; thus nothing but a casual observer.

 

But she (mid twenties) seemed to have taken an interest in me recently asking me more than the standard questions which i should take as flattering.

 

I just don't want to do anything offensive within the thai culture and look like a fool as well as jepordize my working relationship which up to this point has been very enjoyable. I have had a number of students/employees over the years ask me to do things but i have not ventured away from group actitvites other than well-established friendships....

 

So if anyone wants to share what NOT to do or mistakes you made or learned from, I would like to hear them...

 

This is one fish I think I want to put bait on my pole and get it in the water and see if the nibbles are real or illusionary......

 

 

Cardinalblue

[soongmak]

A couple of potential problems rests with she is the daughter of a senior professor/dean and the image of me being in a lowly instructor position.

 

Hi CB,

 

I do not have any experience regarding the thai workplace, but I think the above quote represents the major problem in your situation. If things go wrong and daddy feels a grudge against you, and as a loving father I'd say the odds are he will carry that grudge whether you have been a perfect gentleman or not, your job may very well be on the line.

 

It's up to you to decide if she's worth the substantial risk.

 

Good luck and let us know how you've fared.

 

Cheers,

 

soongmak

[JJsushi]

I have no experience with the Thai workplace beyond the fact that one of my GF's is always off to some after work dinner or event wit her boss and other employees. They seem to socialize way too much after office hours IMO.

 

I am of the mind that since you are a farang you have the liscence to step out of the norm of tThai society and if this young lady is receptive to you then she has an interest in being with someone outside of the norm. Usually when I am in a situation without knowing the proper protocol I either shut up and do nothing or I charge ahead full steam until I figure it out. If you truly have a romantic interest in her and are willing to take the risk, just approach the girl as you would without all of the extra thoughts of her position and the workplace. If she is receptive to you then let her define the parameters of how you will conduct your romance in and around the workplace.

 

I say go for it. No risk, no reward.

Good luck.

[Guest]

If you re-check your employment contract you'll probably find that it has several rather vague clauses dealing with conduct and morals. You can expect those to be invoked when it is time to fire you.

 

And that is very likely to happen, at the behest of the father or another "scandalized" senior administrator, if you do anything but follow the path of chaste dating progressing to engagement and faithful marriage.

 

Office romances in Thailand can work but in this case the deck is probably stacked against you. In short, if you like the job, find another object of infatuation.

[Guest]

>>>So if anyone wants to share what NOT to do or mistakes you made or learned from, I would like to hear them...<<<

 

 

if she indeed is a more conservative woman, than be prepared to be observed/chaperoned/stay chaste for a while. don't start enything sexual before she gives you more than clear signs. and know, that if she is a conservative woman not only from the outside, than marriage is supposed to happen if anything sexual happens (even if it is not straight away talked about).

in a serious relationship the women here mostly take over how fast the relationship develops, and it would be good not to rush anything.

 

if you are into that western model of lets give it a try first, and see if we fit sexually, that won't work with a truly conservative women - the way here is lets see first if we fit personally before any sex happens.

 

and remember, those things are often not talked about, but expected to know.

 

another thing why you should not get sexually involved is because you should first be clear of her motives as well (and they can be under circumstances multilayered). as long as there is not yet a comittment made bothe sides can get out with not too much face lost.

[Nervous_Dog]

Only thing I can say is I never date within the work place. Nothing to do with all the laws about it, and they do exist here in Thailand as well to a certtain extent.

 

Rather I am always thinking, ok - if we break up, what will the consequences be? Will I keep my job, will I WANT to keep my job, will I be fucking misertable knowing theoffice is gossoping about me?

 

And here in Thailand, x10 any of those reactions

 

DATE GTG's who are friends maybe, or better still work in different or same building, but not work related.

 

JB

 

JB

[whosyourdaddy]

My wife and I used to work together. The stories (They said" I had another wife and 3 kids back home"), gossip and other idiotic things that went one was insane. Learn to live with it and enjoy the joke.

 

At the end of the day I decided to change jobs to help with the relationship.

 

Now I hear it from the thai side when I go to pick up my wife at work. Many of them are interested in foreigners, but most are scared of the culture and language differences.

[Guest lazyphil]

<<Many of them are interested in foreigners>>

 

Hey, time to share the knowledge/#'s with some of the lads here