Pescator Posted April 3, 2004 Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 Hi Limbo, Guess that your Darlek has a very good point. Sometimes it is amazing how easy Thais stick the children with the grandparents and everybody seems to be at ease with the solution, at least from the outside I`ll second that. There was a thread by Soongmak concerning this subject a while back and while there can be all kinds of "legitimate" reasons why parents choose to do this, I for one still think a substantial percentage does so out of convenience. My wife was raised by her sister and called her mum during her entire childhood. At the present I have a tenant living with me. A newly divorced 24 year old thai woman, who has been living in Farangland since she was 10 years old. She has divorced her thai husband and is for the time being living with me with her 2 young children aged 1 and 3 years. After a week or so after her divorce, she started talking about sending her kids to her grandmother in LOS, since taking care of the children apparently is too much for her. She doesn`t have a job but is generously supported by the social welfare system, so money-wise she doesn`t really have anything to worry about. Her mother hasn`t really been much of a mother for her and so the pattern repeats itself it seems. In the end it never ceases to amaze me the apparent ease with which thai parents abandon their children. Also with regards to divorce, it is very common that the father/mother never looks back and never see his/her kids again. If you cannot do the time, don`t do ....???? Well, close enough. :: Friend of my wife sent her by then 4 year old kid to her parents living upcountry in Thailand. Kid returned at the age of 6!!! spoke only Lao, had no recollection of danish anymore and his teeth were all black from eating too much crap and noone seemed to teach him to brush his teeth. A fucking disgrace. Meanwhile good Ol` mummy had been shaking her moneymaker all over town. Where is the banghead gremlin when I need it? This last one is an extreme case I know and one can find nutcases like this in any society. But still I say : "it never ceases to amaze me the apparent ease with which thai parents abandon their children" I have seen dozens of cases to support this, here and in LOS. Cheers Hua Nguu Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted April 3, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 Hi HT No not a story ..I am not into that. These a real people ..keep in mind as well the child was ""not planned"" either....her getting into UNI was a long shot and she just scraped into the course. The dad is not for the move ..but the mom pulls the strings in the realtionship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted April 3, 2004 Author Report Share Posted April 3, 2004 Hi Limbo. I don''t doubt for one second the care and attention she will get. Just the child torn away on 10Th april (was some talk she would go with us on 8th......but we canned that ..did not want the tears ect on our minds and trip) from her ""life"" family and friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 6, 2004 Report Share Posted April 6, 2004 Hi, I had a very long talk with my g/f about this last night (wanted to pick her brain on the subject). Very, very, very common in Thai culture, and is not looked down upon there, at all. It's looked upon as a necessary function. Parents are just starting out, and cannot have time to raise children. From what she says, grandparents can almost expect to have grand kids children thrust upon them. The giving of money to elders is something I'm coming to understand. And this fits into it. Thai kids are expected to send money home, from their very first paycheck. It's an obligation that cannot be denied, if kid wants to feel good about themselves. It's well beyond Western thinking/concepts. Sending your kid to grandparents/parents is looked as being a good thing, and looking out for the kids best interest. It's part of their internal social security system. Actually, the ONLY part of their social security system. Kids who do so, are expected to send money back for support. This not only insures child being taken care of, but supplies beloved grandparents with a paid job, in their old age. Mae yai (my g/f's grandmother) is the person she feels most attached to. Real parents tried to take her back with them, but g/f would not have it. In her mind, mae yai is her real mom. And who she loves most. And who she feels an obligation to support. It's just different there. Their culture is born from nessessity, and has thus become ingrained into their lives. Just for a note, my G/f is very happy she was brought up with her grandmother. She told me last night that kids brought up this way, were most likely to be "a good girl". And she is very happy she was brought up this way. She feels her mae yai instilled value's she would not have, by staying with real parents, who could not have as much time for her. That hit home with me, realizing that most Thai workers don't have a 40 hour work week. It's often more like 60-70. It makes a lot of sense when she explains. It's different there. To understand, you must think in a different way. Girl in Australia is not doing a bad thing, in her mind. She's just doing because she thinks is the right thing do do, given her circumstance. My g/f says she is not a bad parent at all. She is only doing because she loves her, and knows it is the best thing for her child. HT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limbo Posted April 6, 2004 Report Share Posted April 6, 2004 Good explanation HT, AS I mentioned earlier, my wife was also raised by grand ma and she loves her the most as well, more than her mum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted February 21, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2005 Hi Update. The little girl returned this week after a year in southern Thailand with her moms parents. She now has very dark skin, skinny,and a little taller. However she is now a *brat*...answers back to her mom..we were all shocked to hear the way she spoke to the mother. She was such a sweet cute little girl..not anymore! The parents now have a big job on thier hands to get things back on track.. She must have been given the run of the house with the grandparents.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted February 22, 2005 Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 Tough situation. Sounds like the kid maybe harboring some resentment. Is she home with her parents just for a visit or back to live with them? My wife was also raised by her grandmother and there is definitely a riff between her and her mom. She accuses mom of not loving or caring for her. I was also raised by my grandmother, here in the States, for a while and then back and forth between my parents and other relatives until my brother and I were old enough for boarding school. My mother just couldn't cope :: and it made for a strained relationship between us until she passed away. I think this kind of situation works a lot better if you can manage frequent visits so the kid doesn't feel completely abandoned. Living in the same village probably works best. My wife's daughter has always lived with grandma, even during the time that she and her mom were not speaking at all. Now, since we've been married, there are long stretches when we are away from our daughter. It is a difficult situation. She is now 9 and we are in the process of getting her a US visa and then a permanent resident card. We feel that it is best for all that she continue school in Thailand but we would like her to attend college in the US. BTW, she is a great kid and we have a close relationship with her. I do feel sorry for the little girl in Torneyboy's story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted February 22, 2005 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2005 Hi As far as i know she is back in Sydney full time with the parents. I hope it is just a *stage* she is going through. She is now 4 years old so time will tell...but not a nice welcome home for them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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