Pattaya Trip Report - After 2 years away

[Guest]

It had been something like 2 years since I had spent any time in Thailand’s favorite beach resort, so thanks to my better half visiting relatives in Khorat, I found myself with an unexpected free weekend. I caught the government bus to Pattaya from Ekkami bus station and suddenly realized how little traveling outside of Bangkok I actually do. I suddenly had a strange and overwhelming sense of freedom as I climbed aboard the 5.00 bus, already full of young Thais with iceboxes and backpacks. I sat next to an interesting gentleman from Singapore, who was involved in the water treatment business. He was going down to Pattaya to compile a report on water pollution for his company. The 2-hour journey from Bangkok is by and large uninspiring and I was quite happy for him to overload me with facts and figures on water effluence – he even gave me one of his brochures.

I bid him adieu at Pattaya bus station and took a motorcycle taxi to the Naklua part of the resort, away from the bright lights of the southern end with its Marine bar and Baby Go-gos. I had reserved a room in the Lotus guest house for 400 a night. It was small but comfortable and as long as the air-con is cold I don’t really mind that the TV can only get 3 channels and the electric lights flicker.

After unpacking my overnight bag I suddenly realised how hungry I was and had a walk along part of the beach road. Not feeling particularly energetic, I got as far as a German restaurant and ventured inside. There were 3 customers in there, myself and an elderly couple who introduced themselves as Mavis and Arthur from Sheffield. It was one of those restaurants where the half a dozen staff members stand at various points around the room and all watch you eat. I find that mildly disconcerting at the best of times. Still, I had a good old chat with Mavis and Arthur, who told me that they had traveled around the world for many years, but were slowing down these days on account of Mavis’s arthritis in her left knee and Arthur’s dodgy hip. The three of us suddenly realised that it was almost 11pm, and the old couple paid their bill and shuffled off back to their hotel.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” I said.

“We’ll try” they said.

“If you can’t be good be careful” I said. And we all laughed heartily. Nice couple.

I popped my head into a beer bar called the Paradise. There was just one girl in there – obviously acting as the cashier. She was knitting something purple and woolen for a baby although you never can tell. I ordered a small Singha and took a seat at the bar. After a painfully silent 15 minutes or so, I asked her if she fancied a game of 4-in-a-row and gestured towards the familiar blue plastic frame. Unfortunately she told me that she had become bored of it and carried on with her knitting. “Six of the pieces are also missing” she added. I said nothing but diverted my gaze to the small strip of footpath in front of the bar where two dogs of undeterminable breeding were - for want of a better word - fucking.

I took a seat near the doorway to watch the swaying palm trees that line the Naklua beach and wondered if the bar had anything else other than the Best of the Carpenters. Apparently they hadn’t.

Strange really but as the beers went down, the knitting cashier became more and more attractive and we got involved in a sort of cat and mouse game where she would look over – I would give her one of my man-of-the-world winks – and she would giggle and drop a stitch. Eventually it all became too much and it was clear that she was succumbing to my male pheromones. She rose from her chair, put her wooly cardigan down and walked across the bar toward me. A little smile played across her lips and her eyes shone like jewels. “Could you settle your bill because we want to close up?” I complimented her on her excellent English and glanced at my watch – It was almost midnight and I needed to up early tomorrow. I staggered back to the guesthouse, pausing for a lengthy slash behind the wall of a motorcycle dealer. I was asleep in minutes not even getting past the introductory blurb of the water treatment manual. I was looking forward to seeing a Pattaya sunrise and content with the knowledge that hotels were taking greater care with their sewage in this part of the world.

6.00 in the morning and as Pattaya still nursed its collective hangover, I was down on the fishing jetty in South Pattaya watching strong tanned fishermen bringing in the catch. They greeted me with jaunty hellos and I watched enthusiastically as they wrestled with crabs and various small fish. I stood a few feet away from them, arms folded, and interjected with chummy and endearing comments like “nice weather for it” and “oooh that one’s getting away”. Eventually tired of watching man battle with crustacean, I repaired to a small bar on the front to partake of an English breakfast and a steaming hot mug of tea. As I balanced beans and egg on the end of a fork, I became aware of a young girl sitting opposite dressed in a tight pink lycra top that showed off her ample cleavage. She was no more than about 16 and kept smiling at me. Do you know I sat in that bar for a full 30 minutes and it just wouldn’t come to me – where on earth did she know me from?

That afternoon I had planned to take in the Ripley’s Believe it or Not Museum or go to see the Mummy Returns at the Royal Cliff Hotel. As it was I fell asleep in the guesthouse and didn’t do either. I awoke famished at almost 8 in the evening. I dined lavishly in Pizza Hut, and just sat alone looking out to sea and watching all the young girls going out for the evening. No-one spoke to me – except for a young waitress who asked if I wouldn’t mind moving to a table for one.

I stayed up till well past midnight enjoying a few ales at one of those open-air beer bars with live music where you watch two Thai guys take songs from the Eagles and James Taylor and quite frankly murder them. I was approached at one stage by a woman well in her 40’s who looked as though she’d put her lipstick on during an earth tremor. After a few opening pleasantries, she announced in a gravelly voice “I have a loom”.

“Then go and weave me a fucking blanket” I replied. With that conversation-stopper, I made my weary way back to the Lotus stopping once more en route to decorate the bike dealer’s wall.

I woke up the following morning with sun streaming into the windows – Good Lord almost lunchtime. I had an unaccountable craving for Indian food and found a deserted Indian restaurant on a back-street off the beach road. I ordered a chicken curry on rice with an oven-baked nan bread. When it eventually arrived it was a bowl of curry sauce with a chicken leg sticking out. And the waiter had the nerve to ask me if everything was OK. I told him it was possibly the finest Indian meal I had ever tasted. Funny really but if there’s one nationality on earth that have no idea whatsoever when you are taking the piss – It’s the Indians.

After lunch, I had just three hours to kill before the bus back to Bangers, and just had to check out the King Kong bar to see what all the fuss was about. Unfortunately I couldn’t find it and ended up sitting perched on a barstool listening to two farang bar-owners discussing their upcoming visa run. Eventually sensing I was alone they challenged me to a game of darts, which I lost convincingly.

As I pulled away from Pattaya’s twilight neon, I couldn’t help but wonder what people really see in it.

[sanukdee]

Phil wrote...

"As I pulled away from Pattaya?s twilight neon, I couldn?t help but wonder what people really see in it."

Obviously you weren't really trying. To spend the first of only two nights in Pattaya in a bar containig only one disinterested cashier (who wouldn't even play connect four!) what did you expect? I guess you were trying to stay out of trouble (remain faithful) which is commendable but you still could of had a better time.

Next time try having a beer at the outside Carousel beer bar, a rotating beer bar next to the go-gos and a massage parlor. There you would find many intersting things to see (without straining your neck) and a staff of girls willing to flirt. Also instead of Pizza you should try that good Sea Food restaurant on the beach but find a dinner date first. Dining alone in Thailand is no fun.

[stumpy]

Phil,

Great piece of writing. I really enjoyed it.

Funny how perspectives differ though. I love Pattaya and everytime I come to Thailand I resolve to spend more time in Bangkok but after 2 days I always end up back in Pattaya. The perpetual traffic jam and pushy girls see me off from Bangkok.

Cheers.

[Guest]

quote:

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As I pulled away from Pattaya’s twilight neon, I couldn’t help but wonder what people really see in it.

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Phil, I've been to Pattaya before and I couldn't agree more. Strict laws, strictly enforced. Practically no sex outside marriage. Naa-buea!

PS: Enjoyed your writing!

[ June 25, 2001: Message edited by: Mad Max ]

[ June 25, 2001: Message edited by: Mad Max ]

[shygye]

Phil,

Sounds like fun. Can I hang with you?

[Guest]

I'm planning a weekend in Hua Hin next, which is of course a lot quieter than Pattaya - should be a lot of fun.

[ALHOLK]

Hi!

Bangkok Phil

I'm in Pattaya now. Why don't you come down and let me show you the real thing.

regards

ALHOLK

P.S. Next weekend I'll be in BKK so that is right out.

[colonel Kurtz]

pattaya 3 bangkok 0.

[thai3]

Phil, your pieces remind me of Alan Benett's writing,especially this one,except he's from Yorkshire of course and would never use the f word, perish the thought.Cannot imagine him in Pattaya but if he was he would do something like this. Very good-peter

 

quote:

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Originally posted by Bangkok Phil:

As I pulled away from Pattaya’s twilight neon, I couldn’t help but wonder what people really see in it.

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[Guest]

Thanks Pete

Haven't read much Alan Bennett, but I'm familiar with his rather dour, northern style. He depresses even me to be honest.

I'll post up my Hua Hin trip report on Saturday - it's a bit too long so I need to edit it first. Here's just a sample

'Down on the road that runs parallel to the beach, there are 4 seafood restaurants standing side by side. All of them have a wipe-clean notice-board out front and all of them claim to have the freshest seafood in Hua Hin. This always depresses me. I felt like gathering all four restaurant owners together and telling them about the English language superlative rule - to sort it out between them who does in fact have the freshest seafood and change the signboards accordingly. Sensing this might be a complete waste of time, I didn't bother.