Time elapsed between eating and the shits?

[Fiery Jack]

I think it depends largely upon the individual's metabolism. Me and my old trusted business associate Ernie "Tarzan" Weller were drinking heavily in the Swiller's Arms last Saturday from opening time (11AM) right through the Sky football till late at night, with no solids passing our lips during that period, just booze.

 

When last orders was called around 11PM, Ernie got a round of continental lager and triple brandy alexanders in and, feeling a bit peckish and not prepared to wait till we got to the kebab shop, bought himself a bag of dry roasted peanuts while he was at it. He ate the nuts, supped his booze, then suddenly started to tremble and sweat and stammer incoherently, rose from his barstool and bolted outside screaming obscenities like a man possessed. ::

 

When I'd finished my own drinks and had a go on the space invader machine, I too exited the bar to find Ernie crouched foetal-wise in the car park, whimpering softly and vomiting profusely. He'd also farted violently and followed through into his oxford bags. Those nuts must've been off, and must've shot through his system like a dose of Epsom Salts.* It can't have been more that 5 minutes between him consuming them and then honking up and shitting himself.

 

I should add, however, that once he'd ejected the offending foodstuffs out of his system (and his arse : Ernie soon made a full recovery and was able to join me in the local kebab shop for his usual after-hours "large doner with scraps and extra chilli sauce, pal: no salad".

 

Hope that's instructive.

 

jack

 

* Now I come to think about it, the only other solid item Ernie had consumed prior to his sudden malaise was a skunk-weed hash cake bought off a young lad that came round the pub selling them at about 10PM, but I don't reckon that had anything to do with it since he's never been affected that way before by spacecakes. Plus, I ate mine the next day and it was all right.

[Guest]

thanks, mate, very obliged.

i just have my breakfast, and have a bit of a hard time keeping it down. ::