jasmine Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 Piggyback from the thread about buying ?diamond?/20,000Baht, is a generous man better for keeps? Does a woman, any woman not matter what background/education is, prefer a generous man? I do feel they do, including I. However, it is funny that I don?t want Hubby to spend on certain things. We are generous to relatives and grand kids and certain friends in need and we thank God that we can. It is true that my career provided me with good income, especially for the past 10 years but Hubby and I went through some hardships, our ups and downs. Most women whom I have talked to prefer generous men who know when to be generous and know when to deny. However, in a relationship, I dare say that a man who can manage his finance without being picky and stingy with the wife is preferred. I don?t have the stinginess of a spouse but have experience in negotiation on what priorities (what important in our minds) are. Since being married to a man with different culture than mine, the important things such as ?paying back to parents, making merit such as giving to temples and some organizations? concepts had been communicated well. I have seen the plights of Thai/Asian women who married hoping for better lives and to be able to provide for the poor families in Thailand and become seriously disappointed. Some of them are lucky enough to understand why their husbands seem to be ungenerous, who are likely trying to manage their finance for their futures. And some are also able to find jobs that give them some extra money that they can send home. However, I have more Thais whose husbands are picky to death with reasons counting about how much they lose the retirement money if some is sent to Thailand (not really un-reasonable, IMO). Being generous to the Thai families does take some discretion and understanding from the spouses. I have proven to my spouse the abilities to manage the finance, however, I also contributed 40% of our household income of over $250,000/year. Actually I am much more cautious than he is in finance management. I don?t think there is anything wrong with being careful but being nit picky that one wants to know each $ the spouse spend or making spouse do certain things, are tasks that, IMO, which are not welcomed. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 I do not think women really want a generous man, but in the long run, that is what it comes down to. I think Asian women are interested in men who go to the temple (actually know what it is about) and understand and honor the ways regarding merit. Unfortunately, western men do not appreciate merit - nor recognizes the benefits from it. I think a woman really wants is a fair and understanding man as oppose to a generous man but because of the inbalances in the relationship, the emphasis seems to be pointed toward a generous man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 Of course women love generous men, they loved to be spoiled. Saying that, there is a huge diffeerence between a generous man and a sucker or sap. They also want what they perceive to be a strong man, not a wimp. I spoil the hell out of my women but I put their asses back in line with a quickness if they overstep their boundaries or mistake my generosity for weakness. I also protect them in any way that can, so there are no worries along those lines for them. Women are not stupid, they know what they want and will test the waters every now and then to see where you have softened. I find that men severely underestimate the cunning, lengths and the patience of women. What a woman wants vs what a man thinks he is doing for her are often contrasting. I will give you an example: I had a buddy who married a Brazilian chick. Imported her and was giving her the Great American life. Life was perfect for him for 5 years, he was on cloud 9. She was the picture of the perfect wife and they were the perfect couple. The fifth year came around, she got her citizenship or permananent residency and then she left him. He never had a clue that was her plan. He realized that she used him and did not really love him,that event sent his ass to therapy. The only positive result was that she did not attempt to claim any of his assets, she just took a modest sum that he offered and she left. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted November 16, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 [color:"red"] She was the picture of the perfect wife and they were the perfect couple. The fifth year came around, she got her citizenship or permananent residency and then she left him. [/color] Met many Thai women who did such. Asked one of them who I was told by her husband that she was really a good wife, no clue. She said "I did my duties as a wife and mother, now I am going to do things for myself." I feel that the marriages with certain other goal in mind beside the desires "to grow old together" will go that way, kids or no kids. I met a policman recently who is married to a college grad (local community college in a province) who after 6 years, just got her citizenship, a child, is leaving him and he has no clue why. IMO, it is easier to assume that because of citizenship than looking at ourselves to figure out other possible reasons. In a relationship, it is normally more than that but the ousiders like me will never know. I graciously denied this guy to talk to his wife. :: Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 I think its a matter of knowing when to loosen the strings on the purse. I am pretty much like you Jasmine, I expect my wife to contribute and work. I have a fault which my spouse has pointed out, I don't buy gifts or put enough into the romantic part. I will improve there, its been a sore point in our relationship. I never deny money when it comes to necessary stuff for her family, be it school fees for brother or whatever. I know her judgement there is the right one, she is not a waster. We share an account now, its up to her to take out whatver she needs. We don't live in the same country yet. Funny that you mentioned 40%. That was what my ex contributed and paid in that household. We had seperate accounts, seperate economies and didn't interfere in each others money spending. Thats different now, my wife wants to control and check everything. :: I have to keep the bank statements, she will check every transaction! Cheers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted November 16, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 [color:"red"] I don't buy gifts or put enough into the romantic part. I will improve there, its been a sore point in our relationship. [/color] My poor Hubby has learnt a long time ago not to buy gifts, especially jewelry for me For I find that he does not want to spend much. [color:"red"] Thats different now, my wife wants to control and check everything. I have to keep the bank statements, she will check every transaction! Cheers! [/color] Why??? Do you need that? Good luck Hon. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 She is afraid that i fool around. Me? I am too old for that stuff. Sigh... This is the beauty and the beast, with the beauty being jealous Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 Short answer: Of course they do! My wife can have whatever she wants (almost). She likes to buy gold, land and food. I'm very lucky that she is stingier than I am. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bushpilot Posted November 16, 2004 Report Share Posted November 16, 2004 Does a bear poop in the woods? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted November 17, 2004 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2004 [color:"red"] with the beauty being jealous [/color] The beast needs to be managed, eh or helped? As long as both of you are happy, it is fine. Hug. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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