Chat up lines

[Guest]

I used to go to a nightclub in Birmingham called the Powerhouse located in Hurst Street. Every Wednesday night was student night - anyone with a student ID card got in for the princely sum of fifty pence and the beer was a quid a pint. You couldn't go wrong. I used to round up a few pals, lecherous perverts one and all, and we'd spend the whole evening trying to cop off with undergraduate totty and dream about waking up in some cheap student bed-sit while your previous night's conquest rustled you up a bowl of cornflakes.

Alas it never quite worked out that way and the night at the disco was spent attaching yourself to the wall with a pint of lager while trying to pluck up courage to ask a girl for a dance. Come the smoochy records at ten minutes to closing and you knew deep down it was now or never. So you'd amble over to that special girl - the one you'd been eyeing up all evening - the outrageous flirt - the one that would probably be buried in a Y-shaped coffin, and use your best rehearsed chat-up line.

My own personal favorite was 'How do you like your eggs in the morning?" But this was invariably answered with "Unfertilized - Fuck off" and so I'd have to slink back to my group of mates who were by now rolling on the floor wetting themselves.

You see I've never been comfortable with chat-up lines, but that didn't stop me from having the urge to try out a few in Thailand and see how they went down. A rather interesting experiment I thought, and finding myself alone in Soi Cowboy, I decided to put a few sentences of rapier wit to the test.

I had an inkling that Toy bar on Soi Cowboy might be the way to go. At 8pm you've pretty much got the place to yourself. Actually, you've pretty much got the place to yourself at any time, but I heard this bar had the friendliest girls who did all sorts of things for a dollar.

I grabbed myself a beer from the charming waitress and sat in the corner and smoldered. It wasn't long before number 52 waddled over - a homely type of girl with the kind of arse that you could smack on Christmas Eve and it would still be wobbling on Boxing day. I went straight for the jugular with an old fave.

"Here's one baht to call your mother - tell her you won't be home tonight"

She looked at me puzzled and told me that her mother didn't have a phone. In fact the whole village had no electricity. She sauntered off to eat Isarn food in the corner, and was immediately replaced by the sweaty number 17 who introduced herself as Lek (aren't they all). After a few moments of exchanging pleasantries I delved deep into my chat-up locker.

"My face is leaving in 10 minutes and I want you on it"

She asked me for clarification in Thai and I was only too happy to oblige. But it still got the same reaction - utter bewilderment. And then the penny dropped - "1500 baht for long time, 1000 baht for short time" she said.

Time once again to go back to the drawing board.

I shifted position to a seat at the bar because my next two chat-ups were of a more visual nature, and knowing the Thai penchant for slapstick, I was sure they'd be well received.

By this time, old wobbly-arse had finished dancing on the stage (I use the word dancing in its loosest possible terms) and she came over to shoot the shit. I couldn't work out whether it was my animal magnetism or the fact that I was the only bugger in there. "You'll like this" I said to her. "Would you like to see my elephant?".

She was naturally intrigued. With that, I proceeded to pull out the lining of my trouser pockets to form the ears, and the rest you can visualize - painful though it may be. The 'elephant in the bar' was greeted by screams of "Arai Wa' and I was suddenly in grave danger of being chucked out.

The mamasan came over, all hatchet faced and weather-beaten. Time for one more try. I licked the tip of my index finger and dabbed it on her silk blouse before doing the same to my shirt. With a boyish grin I said "Don't you think we should change out of these wet clothes?"

"farang Baa!" she muttered and went back to ordering the girls around. The mission was a disaster. Chat-up lines are every bit a waste of time as they are back in my homeland and I slipped out of the bar with tail very much between legs. "Khop Khun Ka' said the girl responsible for pulling the customers in from off the street. "See you again"

"How do you like your eggs in the morning?" I inquired (in Thai)

"On top of a watery rice porridge" she answered without hesitation.

Not quite the answer I was looking for but it sure beat "Unfertilized - Fuck off"

[ThaiHome]

I can't resist spinning you up.

Chat up lines (US Translation-Pick-up line) in go-go bar. Come on!

[Steve]

My favorite chat up line which works 99% of the time is "How much for short time?"

 

Enjoyed the stories of your Birmingham days. Its the same every where. I never learned to dance to love songs because I could never build the courage to ask a girl to slow dance with me. Here's a couple more old, cheesy, sometimes stupid ones:

"If I told you had a nice body would you hold it against me?"

"Do you have in any Black in you? (Her: No) Would you like some?"

"Birthdays only come once a year. Aren't you glad you're not a birthday?"

"If you feel I don't love you....feel again!"

[Lusty]

Mine is,Me have long tongue and thick wallet!

[Guest]

from Kevin Wilson tune.

Sit on my face and I'll guess your weight.

or my face will be leaving in 10 minutes, do you want to be on it.

[Guest]

My favorite line is: I just won $10,000,000, could you help me spend it?

[Guest]

Some classic lines fondly remembered. Anyone here from the rough, tough North of England who ever had any success with the following:

'You don't sweat much for a fat lass, do you? '

D

[Guest]

Try this one at your peril

As long as I've got a face, you've got somewhere to sit!

 

Arai wa

[Guest]

How about:

"Get your coat, you're pulled!"

[itsmedave]

What's your name...yeah, great, well you can call me milk...cause I'll do your body good!