Chat up lines

[Palatkik]

I guess some of you have seen these before...

 

Austin Powers Chat-up Lines

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt) Let's get you out of these wet clothes.

Nice legs...what time do they open?

Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?

Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?

I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to

you.

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you

seen one?

I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.

Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.

I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day

long for a quarter.

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch

away.

Are those real?

You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that

thing you do with your tongue.

If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.

(Look down at your crotch) Well It's not just going to suck itself.

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?

F @# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?

Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.

My name is (name)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute."

[ranma500]

HE: You know, you look like my first wife.

HER: How many times have you been married?

HE: Never.

[jai-dee]

Here are some responses:

Man: "Haven't we met before?"

Woman: "Perhaps. I'm the receptionist at the VD Clinic."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?

Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"

Woman:" Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"

Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"

Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"

Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"

Woman: "Do not Enter"

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"

Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"

Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."

Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."

Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:

Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing".

Man: "Your body is like a temple."

Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."

Woman: "No thanks. There's already one asshole in there."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."

Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you.

Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?