Sin sot-a TG view

[Guest]

Some have said that their sin sot was returned, some said it was not and some got a little back, either way it puts pressure on the relationship and I would hate to think that it could come between two people who love each other.

And it should be about love not money or face, I havent come to the sin sot question with my girlfriends family but my girlfriend told me I have to talk to her mother about marrying her, I am guessing that's what the talk will be about.

I have had a child in my home country and pay the required child support there, it is hard enough to send a little money to my girlfriend and save to visit her.

A lot of people on this website seem to have plenty of disposable income but I haven't, I didn't plan to fall for a Thai girl but thats the way it turned out, she's really great but it gets harder and harder by the minute, Lapaz62

[chilli13]

Thanks a lot for your post thai3 with a rare view from the thai women. I'd be very interested in that other boards URL either here or by PM?

 

Back to TGs view on sin sod. I'm all with the traditions of this, having been aware of it since years, appreciating the face thing, brides worth & the grooms display of wealth etc.

It all making very good sense, but mostly for the bride really!

 

I belong to the guys who dont feel the need to show off ones wealth particularly a perceived wealth all in the name of face. But that doesnt mean I'm not prepared to follow (parts of) thai buddhist traditions if I were to marry a TG.

 

So what I noticed here is that this works out ok as long as the potential groom is actually rich enough to impress the bride & her family, so what bothers me a bit is in the case of a not so well of groom the family needs to step in & top up his sin sod in order to gain face.

 

Regarding the point about (diamond) rings in the west representing 'sin sot' also I have to totally disagree as rings are also exchanged in Thailand & unless the bride pays those I still see sin sod as a unique extra financial item to provide in order to secure a bride.

 

To chip in a bit of my own experiences of lately I'll say the figures put out by thai3 seems spot on 200-300k is expectations for 'fresh' graduates & to put it in perspective for e.g. HT it may seem a bargain considering the cost incurred for the family to put the daugher through Uni be it rangsit, chula, ABAC or otherwise

As mentioned its quite common though to return the sin sod to the couple either in full or partly as a kind gesture to help startup the family e.g. buy house etc. I'd say the reasoning behind returning it may be decided whether or not the parents fully approve of the groom or simply by their greed or expectations of no further payments coming in?

 

That leads us to what often gets many westerners the most however is that it usually doesn't stop here. Sin sod, rings, wedding party etc. is just the beginning.

If your wife already had a decent income before marrying she'll very likely have supported her mum/parents with parts of that say 5k montly as thats what shes expected to do considering her parents brought her all the way there.

 

So irrespectively of what other siblings there are your wife is very likely to continue & even raise her support to her parents even they may not seem to really need the extra cash at the moment!

Now if that transfer came out of her own income that may be easier to accept, but the fact is that typically overseas she wont have any income for at least some time initially so those transfers are expected to come from you then?

 

How about that?

[Torneyboy]

Hi L62

 

Don't get all down about this.

When you talk to her mother answer with the truth..she will see in your eyes you are a good person....and go from there...the amount may be small and no problem .

 

good luck...life with a Thai lady is *never* boring ::

[chilli13]

I'm totally with you on this one & these are exactly the cases that gets me where the guy isn't a walking millionaire, but still the girls and/or their families takes it for granted he is loaded & always will be 'coz hes farang!!! Not to mention willing to share with extended family even that may be quite far from the ideals of his world...

[Guest]

Thanks guys, thanks for your insight, I have a job lined up for my girlfriend in Australia after we go through all the visa and marriage maze, so she can send home as much as we can afford to help the family and in their case they are very poor, from the Surin Province. Unfortunately there are a few women in the village who recieve big money from guys overseas, they have Thai husbands who do nothing and have boyfriends overseas who Im sure dont know this, but thats another story. Anyway they have big two story houses and life is very easy for them, so most in the village think we are all loaded, Im hoping that I can negotiate something to suit us all, maybe regular payments to them would be the best option, anyway have a great day,always enjoy reading everyones comments, Lapaz62

[thai3]

I sympathise with your situation as financially mine is similar as not in the big bucks league either. This time last year I intended to marry a former BG and wondered if I could live up to her financial expectations or not. In the end I think we both decided not and she has since married a guy who, earning more than twice what I do has already built her a house and sends her quite a lot every month and is putting her kid through school. However he seems unaware or does not care that she really does not love him at all. I'm happy for her and can understand her motives in a country where she can earn little, marriage prospects to a local nil and where social services do not exist. She's not a money grabbing ex BG just someone worried about the future for her and the kid.

Now marriage has a better chance of working out as the GF earns over 20,000 a month and would not be expecting me to support her family or send her support on a regular basis. You have to get the finacial side sorted out before the wedding IMO it must be agreed what you can afford. As far as the sin sot goes even if you got none back it's still overall a lot less than getting married on a similar scale at home. Also bear in mind the wedding gifts of cash often go a long way to paying for the wedding itself.To our way of thinking it should only be about love but you will be marrying a thai girl most of whom take their culture and traditions pretty seriously - Good luck-peter

PS your GF is very likely a kamin like mine where the traditions are slightly more complex than lao or thai and I would say they seem more important to them, just my impression

[Guest]

Thanks Peter, thanks for your empathy, Im really happy with my girlfriend and she with me but I guess family may play a bigger role than we both thought. She is already much better off with help I have provided her and her parents have commented how much happier she is, whether that will come into it, who knows. The part that saddens me is that I may have to negotiate about my girlfriends character with her family, an odd thing indeed. I dont really care what she has done in the past but it looks like that is part of the sin sot process, I would never say she is worth more or less because of what she has done or had to do, she has a child from a Thai guy, he drank to much and didnt look after her, is she to blame for that, that sort of thing happens all over the world.

I may be concerned about nothing but hey, what are the forums for, have agood one, Lapaz62

[JJsushi]

The Thais can have their face and I will keep my money. Meaning that if I were to marry a Thai chick then I would pay the sinsot expected so they can have their face but I will most assuredly be recieving the money back after the ceremony. There is no negotiation in that respect unless the money is considered my contribution to the cost of the wedding.

 

The whole point about the sinsot is some form of security is nonsense. Once she legally marries me she is entitled to receive a portion of my assets, benefits and income if we were to divorce and by that time she may even be eligible for US residency status or citizenship which is still valued by many people in the world.

[JJsushi]

thai3 said:

To our way of thinking it should only be about love but you will be marrying a thai girl most of whom take their culture and traditions pretty seriously

 

 

I think this is where most farang men screw up when getting involved with 3rd world chicks. The shit is not about love. Even here in the States it is not about love. Unless you are marrying your school sweetheart, It is about the TOTAL package. The package includes love, money, looks, status, security, trust, education, and the big one - POTENTIAL.

 

I have yet to meet a guy with a similar educational and career background as mine marry a chick who worked the fry station at McDonalds. The may marry a chick that OWNS a McDonald's. The closest I have seen a guy marry beneath their station is the odd divorcee, relationship frustrated or young and dumb guy marry a Vegas cocktail waitress.

 

The LOVE thing is so overrated and it seems that many farang that go to Thailand seem to buy into that more than the chicks do. It is no wonder that guys tend to want to marry the first uneducated Thai prostitute that shows them a little affection or the first non prostitute that show them some interest.

 

Funny how when one thinks of Thai chicks involved with farang they have to immediately be divided into the prostitute and non-prostute categories, from there they go into the good family bad family; money no money; original ethnic/tribal group categories. Never have to do that with Western women.

[Guest]

Is love overated or have many not known love, most people here divorced or playing the field. And all over the world woman judge a man by the size of his wallet and then say where have all the nice guys gone, nice guys are everywhere but nice rich guys are very rare indeed.