Guest Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 Perhaps not really a ?Trip Report?, but we?ve not had any new posts here for a while????. I had not been to Thailand for 2 years - so as Asoke, Clinton and Soi 10/12 had closed in the meantime I ?had? to find a new Beer Bar to make as my regular afternoon drinking haunt. After a couple of weeks ?research? I settled on the newly opened Beer Bar ?complex? on Soi 3, which comprises half a dozen Beer Bars, and includes some of the remnants (owners, BG?s and customers) from the closed Beer Bar areas. It was not the world?s most exciting place to be, I guess because no one yet knew where it was - but I liked it as it was always pretty easy to get a game of pool and had no pressure to constantly buy lady drinks whilst I topped up my alcohol level. In fact during the afternoon I was usually the only customer in the Beer Bar I liked. The Mamasan of which remembered me from Asoke and was overjoyed to see me (and my ability to make a checkbin). Unfortunately as her previous Beer Bar in Asoke had never been a regular of mine I had no idea who she was ? but it just seemed impolite for me to mention this small fact and let it interfere with my welcome. I also liked the bar because the toilets were not too far away. Late one afternoon I visited my new found regular Beer Bar (whose name I forget) and to my great surprise they already had a customer. A fellow Brit, probably aged about 45/50, dressed in a T-shirt, long shorts and sandals. Sandals with socks. Black socks. The couple of girls who ?worked? the bar appeared happy enough to have a potential customer at that time of day and certainly their attitude was in full giggling school girl working mode. I approached and said vague hellos to one and all and was greeted by the Mamasan with my usual order opened and ready to drink by the time I had sat down ? which from it?s position placed on the Bar indicated that I was to be kept away from this customer. This was something I was quite happy about as often for me having the conversation ?where you from and what you do? with a Farang who I will never see again has as much appeal to me as the same conversation with a BG, especially when I am sober. Also in my regulars Bars where I know the BG?s to some degree I like to keep away from them when they are ?working?, so as not to risk putting off a potential punter. Even though I never (well, rarely!) mix my drinking bars with whoring I have found that it can be off putting for a punter to believe that he has met a BG?s previous ?boyfriend?. Anyway, as for me the one of my favourite ?sports? in a Beer Bar is Farang watching (and listening) I was interested in seeing how this chap got on, from a distance. The first thing I could hardly fail to notice was that he was very animated, he would not sit down for more than 5 seconds and would walk around whilst constantly talking and always using his arms and hands to explain things. My first thought was that he might be a bit drunk, but I saw that he was only drinking from a bottle of water. He wasn?t aggressive or overly loud or rude, more just a bit excitable and I realised that the girls and the Mamasan were also slightly confused by him. But I guess a mid-afternoon potential barfine was not to be sniffed at and needs to be entertained. (I had by then stopped being a considered as a potential barfine, as they knew my entertainment was contained mainly in a bottle) I was of course curious (nosey?) as to his ?relationship? with the girls and also curious to see them in ?action?. It was fortunately very easy to keep track of the conversation as it was fairly loud and pretty much one sided. It appeared that the Farang (I shall call him ?Bob?) had recently arrived in Bangkok. And wanted to get married. This obviously perked up my interest in his goings on. It appeared that the slight problem Bob had was that he could not find a woman to marry as none of the women he had met had proved suitable. It appeared that all they were interested in was Bob?s money and not him. By this he appeared to mean that when he met a Bar Girl she wanted him to pay her barfine and her ?tip? before starting a ?relationship? and that afterwards they often wanted him to take them shopping, but Bob was wise to this and figured that if she was a ?good one? and marriage material she would not want to spend any of his money. I assume he had just been looking in the wrong bars. Bob seemed genuinely perplexed by his lack of success (not angry ? just perplexed) and constantly questioned the two BG?s about why these girls could not see why he was such a good catch for them as although he was not rich he had enough money to buy his wife a house in Thailand. The ?important? parts of this ?conversation? were directed at the 2 BG?s in the same manner used with a 2 year old. The BG?s were true professionals, as although they thought he was very odd and crazy and did not know exactly what he was on about most of the time, they played along, hoping that he did not want a barfine. (I would like to say I deduced all this from my extensive knowledge of Thai and Thai body language, but this was actually from the faces they pulled and hand gestures made when he was not looking. Initially, discreetly to each other and then openly to me and the Mamasan (both of us responded accordingly!) when it became clear he was pretty much oblivious to all around him). By then (with the assistance of the Mamasan) I ascertained that neither she or the 2 BG?s had ever seen him before and that he had arrived in the bar only 20 minutes before me???? and that she thought he was a complete f#ckwit. And worse still Bob had refused to buy any lady drinks. And had brought with him his own bottle of water. At one point his mobile rang, it was a Thai girl. He clearly did not speak Thai. And she did not speak much English. The gist was clear however, he had no idea who she was and wanted to know where they had met. I thought he showed great initiative in asking one of the BG?s to call her back and find out what she wanted and who she was. Very reluctantly she was persuaded to do so, basically it just got easier to do it as he did not seem to understand no (let alone think about the reasons why she would not want to do this). He also seemed oblivious to the BG?s change of demeanour on the phone from that of a giggling schoolgirl to an adult woman in her mid twenties. After a brief conversation it appeared that the caller also thought Bob was a f#ckwit. However the answer Bob got was ?lady forget where you meet also?. And the BG went and hid behind the bar and tried to look busy. Bob was perplexed (again). The other girl persuaded him to play pool (I think it was an effort to keep him quiet). Unfortunately for her this was a bad idea as she was not very good. And Bob refused to win, so the game took a long time. A very longggggggggg time. I assumed this was just him being gentlemanly but it soon became evident when he ?rescued? the Black ball so he could practice his doubles (taking great care not to actually pot the black) that he had prolonged the game so he did not have to spend another 20 Baht. (the initial 20 Baht expense had come as a surprise to him). The good news then arrived, Bob had a dodgy stomach and needed to go back to his Hotel (lots of far too graphic gestures for this). The bad news was that Bob was coming back, and he wanted his bottle of water kept for him and was very worried that someone would steal it. (it was after all still half full!). Of course he had still not bought any lady drinks, so his 20 Baht Check Bin was going to have to wait for his return. The strange thing was that although his Hotel was upstairs (forget the name) neither of the girls offered to accompany him. Bob was oblivious. By this time I was trying to play pool with the Mamasan, but kept having to literally bite my hand to stop laughing. The worst thing was he did actually seem like a nice bloke, and was by no means deliberately rude - just someone who should not be out on his own, let alone in Bangkok. No idea how he managed to get to Thailand on his own. But I figured we were all Newbies once and he would learn. Anyway, to celebrate the afternoon?s entertainment I rang the bell and doubted he would return. Of course I was wrong. Bob came back after having been to the Toilet, which we were of course reminded of, graphically. He was very happy that no one had stolen his bottle of water. By then I was bit more ?sociable? so let myself get into half a conversation with him whilst I played pool. I was very surprised to hear that although he had only been in Bangkok a few days this was in fact his third trip. He was indeed looking for a wife (for whom to buy a house) and was searching for her in the Bars, so far with out success. Unfortunately he then insisted on asking my advice about how to find a ?good? woman in Thailand ? he seemed to think there was an answer which no one had told him about. As I had told him the amount of time I had spent in Thailand over the years he seemed surprised (possibly even perplexed) that I had not found ?a good woman? to marry. He then did something that I still cannot believe he did (especially for a 3 time visitor to Thailand) ? and that literally left me (and the on looking BG?s) open mouthed and speechless. He had decided to ask the Mamasan another question. She was now sitting on a Bar stool in the corner (hiding away), so when he approached her she had no space to back away into. Evidently it was something important he had to say and to make sure she heard him amongst all the noise, he leaned in close to her and tried to talk into her ear, which meant he ?had? to hold the back of her head. She saw the hand coming, and I saw on her face the sudden realisation, disbelief and then horror of what he was going to do - but she had nowhere to back away into and he was blocking her sole exit ? the last time I saw someone duck and weave at such speed was watching Prince Naseem Hamid boxing. Except he did not have a look of shock and panic on his face. The more she ducked and weaved the more Bob tried to talk in her ear - meaning his hand also kept moving trying to find it?s intended resting place. It was one of those moments which whilst over within a few seconds, at the same time seems to go on forever and in slow motion, whilst you disbelieve what you are actually seeing. Strangely it was all done in silence. I think she extracted herself using a forearm block. Her initial shock was replaced by a mixture of total disbelief as to what had just happened to her and rising anger. No one said anything???? for quite a while. To his credit Bob knew something was not quite right, but he was evidently not sure what. You could say Bob was perplexed. I explained to Bob that in Thailand it was a ?little bit? impolite to touch someone?s head. Being a decent enough sort Bob decided to apologise. Unfortunately the sight of Bob heading back towards her, with his arms moving around as usual, was not something the Mamasan appeared to find re-assuring. But fortunately she was now mobile (these Thai women learn quick!), so his apology had to be given whilst they ?danced? several times around the pool table. Unfortunately I never saw Bob again. I would have loved to have gone to his wedding. And met the Thai husband. Apologies to Bob IF he recognises himself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boring_Man Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 And I thought we'd never met! Great story, very funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.. Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 Brilliant. But I think that Bob has been posting here...in the "quality" thread. Obviously the girls are too stupid to know what a good catch he is! Cheers, SD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JannikOJ Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 Hehehe... Cheers! Great story. He really reminds me of a guy i met playing pool in a place called Rio on Bangla Road around Songkran. Total nutter... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drogon Posted May 18, 2005 Report Share Posted May 18, 2005 Great story Made me laugh all my day thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2005 Report Share Posted May 19, 2005 I likes compliments Bob was a character straight off the pages of a novel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jack_schist Posted May 22, 2005 Report Share Posted May 22, 2005 good story 1more. one i will always remember was in AM2PM one lunchtime, he was dancing about (no shirt, bare feet) then every now and then he would scream in most anguished way "F@ck!!!!!!!!!!" and i mean scream. It was as if he had just remembered something very important that he had forgotten to do. he did this about 3 times while in the hour or so i was there. maybe he had tourettes syndrome or something similar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted June 10, 2005 Report Share Posted June 10, 2005 A good story. I have distinct memories of an Indian guy once deciding that a particular girl was the one for him. He even told us as they departed one night that he was going to propose. Upon their return the happy couple sat apart and didn't speak all night. The following day he was in love with a different girl. She proceeded to take him to the cleaners. Still, I enjoyed the free food and drinks as he tried to convince her that he was rich and thus a good catch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David99UK Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 I was doing a search (yeah. I am the one who does them ) and stumbled accross this from a previous trip.....BTW the ?marks? were orginally "marks"........ I wonder what happened to Bob?..........has he posted here yet?? :smirk: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.. Posted March 25, 2007 Report Share Posted March 25, 2007 I think he goes by the handle "buddha." Cheers, SD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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