asiafun Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 Day three BKK This is long and detailed so you may want to piss first and then grab a brew or two. On cue that damn bird started chirping again at 4 AM, and then the dog. The cacophony lasted until about 5am and by 6am I was back up and catching my ride at 7am (Driver was late) for the half day floating market tour. I felt like total ass and vowed no more early wake ups at the butt crack of dawn until it was time to go back home. I figured, mistakenly, that the floating market would be on the Chao Praya or somewhere close in BKK but found to my dismay we had to drive an hour to get there. My first clue that things were not going to be what they seemed was when the tour guide dude took us to a coconut farm first. I did not want to go to a damn coconut farm and I could tell the French woman, Iranian couple and Indian couple was not thrilled about the idea either. The guide started to point out a few trivial bits of information about the business and then it was ?ok you can shop now?. Let?s see 5 minutes for ?cultural enlightenment? and then 15 for shopping for overpriced crap. For shits and giggles I decided to haggle with one of the vendors for some trinket that was usually priced around 20-40 Baht in Pattaya. She started at 300 Baht?Holy crap. I countered with 50 for a start and she refused to even continue. Point made I left the area back for the buses and within a few minutes my cohorts did the same and none looked please about the side trip. The next stop was to board a speed type boat to navigate the residential canals to get to the ?Floating market? Damnoen Saduak. The cruise through the canals was kind of cool as I got to see the everyday life of the locals. Snapped a few photos and realized I was started to get cold. I have never been cold outdoors in Thailand and I was in a bit of shock over it. It was overcast and already slightly cool by Thai standards but couple that with wind and water spray and it was cold. We were dropped off at the main intersection and made our way to a small drink place that served as our meeting point in about an hour. Our guide did say not to pay more than 100 Baht per person for a boat ride. Looking out in the main canal I realized this was certainly not the place I had seen in many of the Floating Market photos that I had seen. This had to be some miniaturized imitation designed specifically for bilking tourists. I went ahead and got in queue for a boat and was told to pay 200 baht. Uh hello lady but I was told 100 only. She copped a serious attitude and grunted ok 100 baht and off I went. Damn, so much for Thai hospitality. The driver and I were then stuck in a boat jam. It took us nearly ten minutes to paddle our butts 20 meters. Once clear he started to go by the various shops that were lined up along the canal. He found one that he apparently liked and I spotted a trinket and began the art of haggling?500, oh no wayyy to much I can give you 50?look of feigned shock?ok ok I give you best deal today 450, I run the article through my hands, find any imagined imperfection, making a grunt or two and then say ok 100. They respond with something like mild amusement and quote ok ok I see you been Thailand so I give you special price 300. Eventually we settle for half and subsequent negotiations at other vendors were in the 40-50% of the original quote. By the 4th store I noticed a few things. One: Every time we pulled up to a shop the boat driver would say the words falang and something resembling ?tawking? to the owner. At this point I began to notice that the prices started about three times higher than they should be. Two: The driver would ignore places that had nobody in most cases but line up to go to a specific place that maybe already had two or three boats that were already haggling. I figured at that point ?tawking? was the code word that I haggle hard and he had cut a deal with the owners of specific shops. Not big surprise and I kept my eyes a open a little wider. Sure enough after my next exchange I caught the boatman and the vender pass cash behind my back as he pushed off. F?ing little bastard. Ok so you set me up and get a cut. No tip for you schmuck. Time is up and I prompt the guy to head back to port. As I disembark one of the touts makes a comment about tipping the boat driver. I play stupid like I don?t understand English all that well and make a comment that ?I don?t want a picture taken? which totally throws off the tout while he was trying to make sense of what I said and I make my exit. He he he! My little victory warms me up as I head to our prearranged meeting point. I figured our departure from this area signaled the end of my day and I could get down to some serious fun and education in BKK proper but was pleasantly surprised by a side trip to the Cobra Show just a few minutes down the road from the market. The show was kind of cool as I was finally able to see a Mongoose fight a Cobra but reality was the Mongoose really did not want to fight jack. The poor bastard only just wanted out of the damn cage and nothing to do with the snake. Eventually the two went at it and the ended with each one having a mouthful of the other. At that point the handlers pulled out the cobra which happened to be pretty big and put in a much smaller one that the mongoose proceeded to shred the crap out of. There were a few more displays of bravado from the handlers like kissing the cobras, playing with three boas and once, dancing with the jumping snake etc. After the show I wanted to get some good photos of the reptiles they had but within a few minutes the driver was yammering to move on. Crap. Our next stop was the Royal Thai Handicraft Center where the Tour Guide had a chance at making another kickback at our expense. We wasted about 30 minutes wandering around looking at overpriced hand carved furniture and artwork. I will admit some of the stuff looked really nice but I was not going to pay thousands of dollars for something I can pay a fraction for up in Isaan. It was about noon at this point and I had hoped I would have already been back in my hotel but the fun was just getting started. I was led by my guide to a new bus that had a couple of Indians in it that looked just as tired as I felt. They were ready to go and a few minutes later we were joined by another group of Indians and a Queens English speaking fellow. He was really pissed as he was also on the floating market half day tour but apparently had already been dragged to a few more stores than I had. By this point we all made an agreement that we were done and wanted no more stops other than to our hotels. I Thai driver was already pissed and he gunned the engine to race 10 meters to where the guide was so he could board her and leave. We were all packed with little room to spare and tempers flared in seconds as we voiced our wishes to the tour guide whereupon she lost her temper and started yelling about how we had to make one more stop in order to get to the vans that were supposed to take us to our respective parts of BKK. The driver was hauling ass through some country roads and finally onto a highway. A mad Thai driver behind the wheel on a poor country road is not an experience you want to have. Meanwhile the tour guide girl had called her boss and was bitching about what a bunch of ungrateful falang tourists we were. We finally made it to our transfer point which just happened to be one of those worlds? largest gem cutter places. Imagine that! Well we were told we had to go inside as it would be five minutes before our vans would be there. Ok fine. We go in, they give us little Dixie cups with some fruity drink and the pretty girls in Thai outfits try and coax us to take the gem tour which of course leads to the store. They realize we are not biting so then they say we have to go through the tour area to get to the exit and to our van. She promised no stopping, just a straight walk to the exit but of course as soon as we enter she asks repeatedly if there is anything we want to see. In my nicest voice possible before the other westerner can speak. No ma?am, we are all very tired, hungry and just want to go home. She grunts, sighs says something in Thai and shows us out. What pisses us off the most is that we all pretty much end up on the same van which takes us all too very different parts of BKK. By the time I made it home it was 3PM. I vowed never to take a prearranged commercial tour in Thailand again. I cleaned up and checked the internet for a response for getting a room at the Jom Tien boathouse as I was planning on going to Pattaya instead of Phuket as the many tourists I talked to said the weather there had not been all that great. I knew Jom Tien well and knew I needed no tour to see what I wanted to see. Unfortunately the boathouse was full so I sauntered down to Bollywood Indian café and Restaurant for a late lunch as I was absolutely famished. While waiting I had to call my agent at Grand Imperial Travel to finalize my standby request for a hotel booking in Jom Tien. The staff was incredibly considerate in following my request to turn down the music in the place so I could make my call. The only reason I did so was there was no other party in the place at the time. My phone is a Motorola which has a very crappy earpiece volume requiring almost absolute silence so I can hear the other party. Within minutes I was munching some fantastic Indian food. The last time I had Indian food was in 1997 in the town of Utrecht, Netherlands. Great town, I absolutely loved it and the people but that?s another story. 10 minutes after the initial call I got my response and was booked. After lunch I made my way to their office on Soi 12, paid the fees and arranged a private car the next morning. This time the arrangement for a pickup at the much more tolerable hour of 11AM. I chatted with the girls for a half hour or so about the shopping areas of the Paragon, MBK and use of the Sky train. That done I went up to the ?Asoke? platform. It was 20 Baht for a ride where I jumped off at Siam station. The whole system was uncomplicated and a mental sloth might actually be able to figure out the whole sky train process. Select location number(s) on machine after consulting route map, put coins in ticket machine, and receive ticket. Look at ticket for arrow. Insert arrow end into the turnstile, proceed and get ticket back as you pass through turnstile. Wait for train. Board train and when you hear the doors make the warning chimes you better get the hell out of the way. I saw a guy get thumped soundly by the doors when he tried to squeeze through at the last second. The sky train seems to be a great place to meet a girl. They have no place they can go and are your captive audience until at least the next stop or you get maced. After you get to your station which is announced verbally by a pleasant female voice you disembark, go downstairs and insert the ticket which you have hopefully retained and insert it in the turnstile as you exit the main station area. I stopped first at the much talked about Siam Paragon. It was ok but was kind of sterile. Very open and everything was white. They had some nice wheels in display like the Ferrari, Lamborghini and a few others. The prices of items were just as much as the US if not more so. I bored of the mall as there really were not that many hot available babes to meet so it was off to the MBK area. Along the way I found that there were a million stores and shops and all had some pretty good deals. Most places had prices but a few you could bargain. I made a pit stop in the Hard Rock Café and enjoyed some great food at reasonable prices. Shortly after eating I had the sinister urge and went upstairs to drop the kids off at the pool. Both stalls were occupied so I spent the next ten minutes staring at Madonna?s undergarments when the employees finally came out of the stalls. Once inside easing the pressure I realized the employees had been taking smoke breaks in the shitters. Well at least it did not reek like ass. After dinner it was back to shopping and finally go to the MBK mall. My god the place was huge. It was 8pm and the place was closing up by about 9 so I was only able to really check out one floor. I will say there was an abundance of tail and a lot of stores. I knew I was coming back here when I returned to BKK. By the time I got home and finished repacking it was almost 11PM so I made a beeline back down the road to the Nana Entertainment Plaza (NEP). I was somewhat awestruck by the great number of bars packed into such a small area. I was like Harry Potter in Aragon alley except the only magic was between the girls legs and the money disappearing from my wallet. My first stop was the outdoor beer bar called Playskool. The staff was less than average looking but the service was good. The girls were busy chatting up the other customers who were there so it gave me a chance to look around, get my bearings and learn. After my beer I went behind me to Hollywood?s. It was a typical ago go with some decent looking girls but I don?t recall any real stunners. They were having a show with a bunch of katoeys. At one point a decent looking girl came up and sat with me. It seemed like all was good and I bought her a ladies drink which was then followed by a request to tip one of the ?girls? on the stage. What the hell for? We chatted a few more minutes about the usual crap. I got her number and paid the check bin. She then asked for a 100 baht tip. Are you kidding? She replied well I sat with you give me a tip. Umm darling that?s why I bought you the ladies drink. She said no more but as I walked out of the booth she started bitching about the tip again where I began to pretend I could not understand her and left as she sat their frustrated. Next stop was upstairs to the Angel Witch. The place was packed and judging by the performance on stage I could see why. The place was pretty dark so it was hard to tell if they had any stunners in the place. I had some lingerie wrapped about my head and neck from one of the girls performing. I was a gentleman folded it nicely and set it on the counter but the girl nearly slipped on it when she came back around to give me the ?fuck me? face. I handed the lingerie it to one of the waitresses and paid check bin. At this point I called it a night in preperation for Day 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
longwoodguy74 Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 Oh man, this post brings back memories. I was talked into taking this tour several years back by my then GF at the time (not thai), against my better instincts I might add. Sounds like the "itinerary" hasn't changed a bit, complete with the grand finale gem store. Horrible. Oh well... The whole thing is crap, IMHO. As far as I could tell at the time, even the "floating market" itself was little more than a tourist trap with people peddling silly little souvenirs and such. Certainly didn't appear to be any sort of thai-oriented market. Was this your first visit to NEP? Nice reports! Keep 'em coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiafun Posted January 2, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 Yes, I decided at that point no more tours. I have had better luck picking a place on a brochure, handing it to a private hire and saying go there. No time constraints and no be hustled to tourist traps. My posts for subsequent days will show that. Yes that was my very first trip to NEP. I will say that it felt a bit more Baht oriented than it was in other places where the goal was to make the customer happy and the Baht will come. There at NEP it almost seemed...Baht first, then we will consider making you happy. In normal crowds I have no problem establishing a kind of "relationship" with a girl that can last awhile as I frequent Thailand with some regularity in the course of a year but with the number of punters that were in town for the holidays the girls could not seem to look past the Baht. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OCgringo Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 where is the real "floating market " anyone been there , how far from Nana by Taxi , and how early do you need to get there ? OC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mekong Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 asiafun very well written reports with the right touch of irony and sarcasm. Thoroughly entertaining keep up the good work and enjoy the rest of your trip Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 Hi I feel a bit for you..my wifes home is there...about 10 mins from the market. I/we have to go again in March/April...i will be there for 2 weeks before going to BKK and the bright lights... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted January 2, 2006 Report Share Posted January 2, 2006 Hi It takes by taxi from 1 to 1.5 hours depends on the driver and if you stop on the way. The market is a five minute drive once you turn onto the market road it is then on the right side of the road..big dirt carpark and tin sheds all over the place...try the noodles 10thb and fantastic .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiafun Posted January 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Thanks and will do! Hopefully another day will be completed tomorrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiafun Posted January 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Only an hour away yet so far... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Solomick Posted January 3, 2006 Report Share Posted January 3, 2006 Great posts over the last 3 days. Keep them coming, they make interesting reading, Thanks. When is the WS day out commentary? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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