zanemay Posted August 6, 2001 Report Share Posted August 6, 2001 Over and over I come across the obsession with marriage. I am not being sarcastic, but would like some explanation - what is this about?? One question that looms: How old are the guys that are thinking of getting married? Really young I would guess. Borrowing responses from the "Saying Goodbye to My Girlfriend" topic... quote: Originally posted by Doom: I hear stories about guys sending money to their rented 'girlfriend' who they spent a short time with expecting them to be faithful, and then finding out they're not. I see it all the time too in internet cafes too - girls writing to and sometimes asking money from multiple boyfriends. All I can think is, what the hell did they expect? Or stories about guys marrying what were obvioiusly damaged goods. Mostly the stories just display stupidity, ignorance, or unrealistic expectations on the farang's (usually a tourist) part. quote: Originally posted by chocolat steve: I see LOS like..an illusion but what an illusion. Let me live my fantasy that she actually 'loves me too much' as she claims.. There is a lot of wisdom in these posts. These guys know where they are and can enjoy themselves without losing their grip. I remember another post, but not the poster, that was making the point of how different these girls are from us. "While you were getting ready for your Junior Prom, she was squatting in a ditch in Issan catching frogs." Boys, LOS is custom made for you to have a good time. And you can open your heart and have good relationships and real love affairs. But for God's sake DO NOT THINK ABOUT MARRYING THESE GIRLS! I never see good reasons coming from guys who are thinking about marrying such as "I have found my soul mate" or "We want to have a family." Mostly I get the sense that the BGs are better looking than the guy can get in his country or the guy just can't get anyone at all in his country. Okay, that's fine. Come to LOS. Enjoy the love of a sweet girl, but keep your sense of reality! Personally, I don't understand the obsession with marriage at all. Talk about an illuision! Is there supposed to be security in it? The divorce rate in the US is 60%! I was married (for financial reasons and without children) to a great lady, but it was too constricting. About 15 years ago I chose freedom and divorced her. This has been one of the happiest and most wonderful decisions of my life. I have lived a wonderful, single life ever since, which has been the key to my happiness. This is a realization that most married guys reach - they want more freedom. They become overwhelmed with lust and frustration and the marriage falls apart, usually at great expense. IMO Thailand is a free and happy place for farangs. Don't go to the land of freedom looking to put yourself in jail! Enjoy your life. Stay single!! [ August 06, 2001: Message edited by: Zane May ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 I mostly agree with your sentiment, Zane, but remember, everyone's different. While you and I may enjoy solitude, there are guys who can't stand it. Simply put, there are people who were born to be part of a couple. I'm not one of those people so I think along similar lines as you expressed in your post. But take a guy who's been married for 10-15 years, gets divorced in his mid-forties, and just absolutely can't stand being lonely. If you see things from his perspective, it's not such a bad thing to take a risk with a Thai girl if it's an alternative to certainty of being alone for the rest of his life. The other thing is - and this can happen to any of us, regardless of our plans - that on occasion we do come across ladies which whom we 'click.' You spend a week or two with such a lady, develop feelings, and start caring for her, it is very hard to pretend it didn't happen and to cut it off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 you perhaps don't know the road which doesn't end at the Y junction- when on other roads travelled by most, you must decide: marriage, or freedom? That road is in Japan, and the benefits of both freedom and marriage are forever joined by the roundabout. Go East "young" man- the far east. jOa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 Humans, like wolves and other animals are social, pack animals. There is an inner need for a mate. Also, Thai BGs are the only prositutes that act like in love school girls when they're with you. Someone 'seemingly' that dedicated to you, that treat you like you're the center of their universe, gets to some guys. Everyone has different backgrounds. If you have a guy that has trouble meeting and maintaining a good relationship with women in his area and you put this guy in Thailand, then as the mobsters say 'fahgetaboutit!'. Personally, I couldn't but I can see others falling for them. I've stated this before in a post. I know guys that I know will end up marrying the first bar girl that spends the night and tells them 'me love you too much'. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 quote: Originally posted by Zane May: Personally, I don't understand the obsession with marriage at all. Talk about an illuision! Is there supposed to be security in it? The divorce rate in the US is 60%! I was married (for financial reasons and without children) to a great lady, but it was too constricting. About 15 years ago I chose freedom and divorced her. This has been one of the happiest and most wonderful decisions of my life. I have lived a wonderful, single life ever since, which has been the key to my happiness. This is a realization that most married guys reach - they want more freedom. They become overwhelmed with lust and frustration and the marriage falls apart, usually at great expense. IMO Thailand is a free and happy place for farangs. Don't go to the land of freedom looking to put yourself in jail! Enjoy your life. Stay single!! There are a couple of reasons you want to marry: - To bring her back home which is much easier being a wife - To be sure no other guy gets her - Because women want to be married and you want to be kind - Because marriage is good for your health (proofed by many studies) The point is, only very emanzipated persons should marry. Those lonely guys coming to Thailand are exactly not this kind, and so fail big time. The lack of freedom you mention is exactly a lack of freedom in your own mind, projected on your partner. You can only stand as much attraction to somebody, as you have a good relationship to yourself. Most people want to avoid the work relationships create for your own development. Roland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanemay Posted August 7, 2001 Author Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 quote: Originally posted by Mad Max: But take a guy who's been married for 10-15 years, gets divorced in his mid-forties, and just absolutely can't stand being lonely. If you see things from his perspective, it's not such a bad thing to take a risk with a Thai girl if it's an alternative to certainty of being alone for the rest of his life. Max and others, How can a guy be so screwed up that at the young, young age of 40 something he can even contemplate "being alone the rest of his life." That is a long time. And just go to LOS or Cambodia. You won't be alone for 10 minutes. I'm sure there are paranoid pessimists that think as you say, but it is unreal. I say to them, have faith in yourself. quote: Originally posted by RolandCH: - To bring her back home which is much easier being a wife - To be sure no other guy gets her - Because women want to be married and you want to be kind - Because marriage is good for your health (proofed by many studies) Roland, I think I see your points although a bit of your logic is lost in translation. I wish I understood you better. I have some short answers to these points though: "To bring her back home which is much easier being a wife" That didn't quite come across in English, but I will say that a lot of Thai ladies do not like being taken to live in another country. They never adjust. "To be sure no other guy gets her" That's really a bad motive, isn't it? If someone else gets her there are thousands more where she came from. "Because women want to be married and you want to be kind" I think that's very true. I want to be kind too and I am. But not at such a high risk to myself. I guess a big part of my philosophy is "me first." Selfish? Yes. But no partner is going to be happy if their counterpart isn't. "Because marriage is good for your health (proofed by many studies)" So is getting a dog! And much less complicated. Anyway, you know the theme song of LOS: "I don't want to live forever...I just want to live while I'm alive. It's my life!" I see a lot of the argument for getting married is insecurity. Great! I'm insecure, I have low self-esteem, let me go out a get a wife! More flawed logic. I am not a cynic. I am a romantic. I am in love with two great Thai ladies and an Caribbean sweetie in the USA. But I wouldn't screw any of this up with marriage. Yuck! I wrote a little poem of an experience of a Sunday afternoon: She said the M word, I said the N word, She said the G word, And left. Zane May Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 quote: Originally posted by Zane May: I see a lot of the argument for getting married is insecurity. Great! I'm insecure, I have low self-esteem, let me go out a get a wife! More flawed logic. I am not a cynic. I am a romantic. I am in love with two great Thai ladies and an Caribbean sweetie in the USA. But I wouldn't screw any of this up with marriage. Yuck! Zane May Well Zane, let me tell you, that i also have a thai girlfriend and i am not very keen marrying her. Most of guys who marry here do it out of technical reasons. My girlfriend would adjust to Switzerland, she already lives with me here up to 6 months a year and she is in a better mood while here (the other 6 months, we stay in Thailand). I also do not share that obsession with marriage, but i believe in the 1-1 partnership. I don't need 3 sweethearts, because i believe, that i can have a deep connection with only 1 person at a time. I also like the clashes in the relationship, because i can learn so much out of them. I recommend the book 'passionate marriage' from David Schnarch to you. It has an very different approach and has helped me very much to create the happy relationship i have today. Roland Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spirit_of_town_hall Posted August 7, 2001 Report Share Posted August 7, 2001 Couldn't agree with you more Zanemay, in my observations there is a certain sort of man who just has to have a girlfriend. I call them Girlfriend Men or GFM for short. They were very often the sort of guys who at school, University etc didn't have a girlfriend and would avidly speak to his friends, often taking on a sort of agony uncle role These types were the sort of men who would go out with their friends ex girlfriends straight away after they had split up from friends within the group. Unfortunately these traits do progress in to adult hood, they have to have a partner, they are also the sort of men who don't go out at all when they have a girlfriend but are the first to phone you up when their relationship inevitably breaks down because they smother the girl. We all on this board know people like that maybe there are people like that actually inhabitaing the board, these sort of people are the most vulnerable when it comes to LOS. I am bringing one such individual with me to LOS in a few weeks, the place will f**k him up, but it will make an entertaining trip report. Incidenatlly I had this guy screaming at me the other week, we had gone up to Nottingham and he wanted me to drop him off for an hour at an old girlfriends house, even though she had treated him like shit and dumped four times previously. Thats the sort of person who is desperate to marry, there is no telling them, I often say to him " Will" why do you let some girl influence your happiness, ie he is happy when she is happy, this guy watches a girls mood the way a mariner in trouble looks at the weather and the tides, I believe there is no cure for the condition. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
New Petchburi Pete Posted August 14, 2001 Report Share Posted August 14, 2001 Hello Zane May, About marriage: I met a lovely (newcomer to the scene) girl working as a server at NEP last September. She was 18.I spent a month with her. I can't explain it; but, I fell in love with this girl during our first night together. I told her that I would come back to marry her; and I did that last January. When I met her I told her I was 38. Then I had an accident in March and was admitted to a Thai hospital. When I told the doctor who was treating me that I was 50 (I look much younger), she was very surprised. I thought it would be all over. But she said she would always love me, and only me. I had to return to America for shoulder surgery; and I will be back with her next week. We talk everyday on the phone. I support her. Now she tells me that she would like to have my baby before I get too old! I told her that I would love to have a baby with her. And, we will start working on this as soon as I return to BKK. I never thought all of this would happen; but it did. And I can't tell you how good she makes me feel. So far all is well with our marriage; and I hope it lasts until I depart this world. Of course, she wants me to build her a home in Isaan (near her mother of course). I told her I would gladly do this for her. I want her to be secure when I am gone. But, I will savor every moment with her. She is now 19; and I am 51. She has accepted my age; and so has her family. And I can tell you that I love her family too .... genuinely nice people. They are poor; and I do not mind in any way helping them out. If my marriage can survive, I want others (especially those who consider themselves too old) to know that it is possible to have a sound, happy marriage with a much younger gal. Maybe I just fell in love with the right girl. Maybe it was destiny. At any rate, she has made me very happy. I really think this is the best thing that has happened to me in my life. [ August 13, 2001: Message edited by: New Petchburi Pete ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted August 14, 2001 Report Share Posted August 14, 2001 Wow, Pete, I'm impressed! Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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