Humbled and touched by recent experience

[Guest]

Guess it's time for an update.

Background: I've been involved with the lady who is (or was...) the TW (Thai Wife) for over two years, stretching back to the very beginning of my involvement with Thailand itself. We have a 5 month old daughter together.

At the time my daughter was born in Thailand I started to think I wanted to bring them back to the US to live and so we went through the fiancee visa process. This whole thing could (and should) be the topic of another post, as we were very successful and the embassy was ready to issue the visa a scant 3 months after I initially sent off the paperwork. But when the time came I could not go through with it. Although I was telling myself I could do it for the sake of my children, I know in my heart I am not ready to leave Thailand now, and perhaps never will be.

Over the past few years I've consumed the sanuk scene and been through many different experiences in it at a kind of background level to the relationship with the TW. As far as my relationship with her goes, the experiences I've had have been inconsequential, as I never let the women I play with get through my outer shell. But as I started to feel trapped by the impending circumstances of relocating back to the US, something changed and I started to find myself more susceptable to the charms of the women I was meeting out there. It was under these circumstances that I met the lady that is the subject of this thread. Let's call her X.

The TW had begun to get excited about relocating to the US so when I told her we're not going it was very hard for her. She could not understand my reasoning about how taking her out of her element could potentially be disasterous, etc. Things then started to go downhill very rapidly. At the same time, things with X accelerated rapidly. Hard to determine a precise cause and effect relationship here, but I started going to the bar to see X every night, paying her bar fine and spending the night with her at a nearby hotel. I took her to Pattaya for a weekend while her husband was upcountry doing this, that, or the other thing. I had let her through my outer shell and there was no going back.

X is a typical Isaan story, really: quit school at 13 to work, moved to Bangkok at 15 or 16 and did shit jobs for a few thousand baht a month, married at 17 to a husband who doesn't work but happily eats food bought with money she earns selling herself, kid upcountry staying with her mother, etc, etc. It's amazing, girls in her situation really have no idea that they can have a purpose in life or can really feel good about themselves. Everything is "tamada" -- ordinary. Do you love your husband? "Tamada." Is your life happy? "Tamada." Etc. Yet somehow she like others is still cheerful and has plenty of real affection to share under the right circumstances.

It's funny, after you stay here a while, your ideas about morality and about what's right and wrong in relationships change. Now the fact that each of us has a spouse and a kid are simply complications. In fact the TW moved out with my kid, and X stays with me every night. Next week she will stop working in the bar, thus formalizing our arrangement. Her husband knows about it and she says he is suddenly worried that she's going to leave him. I tell her not to worry, I know the day will come when she tells me she can't be with me any more -- but she herself can no longer confirm that statement. We've kinda out in unknown territory where actions have unknown and perhaps unintended consequences, kind of like when the Prime Directive is violated on Star Trek.

There are so many reasons why this whole thing is a disaster waiting to happen, why it's wrong, why happiness together with her is an almost unbelievably tremendous long shot. Naturally I have an issue about trying to have a relationship with my beautiful little daughter in the absence of one with her mother. I have misgivings about floating into town with a big bankroll and more or

less buying a wife away from her husband. But as for that, well, he sends her out into a scene where she regularly has the most intimate of human contact -- is it any surprise that she might eventually find someone she actually enjoys being with? And then of course there's all the standard issues in these sorts of relationships, like questions of (her) motivation, communications issues, etc.

Heaven help me, for I am not naive and do know exactly what I am getting into. Against all the odds, love has in fact blossomed here. The next few months are going to be very interesting indeed.

[Guest]

Wow,

Ted, first thanks for sharing your odessy in such frank and unflinching words......you have quite a complicated life now, no? I celebrate and congratute you on finding love in all the wrong places.....ummmm, can happen to us all, I have felt for some time that love chooses us rather than the other way round....I am wondering how you are juggling your new love with your TW and child, money, emotions, energy etc. I am wishing you all the best and hope you will continue to update us on your fascinating tale

[Guest]

Ted, my opinions (based on very little real knowledge of your situation). I know you didn't ask for advice, but maybe other opinions will help you clarify your own.

1) Don't worry about the Thai husband. He is a leach and doesn't deserve your consideration. If he were an honest, hard-working man, then it would be much tougher to break up their family with a clean conscience. However, do take precautions that he can't or won't make your life unpleasant.

2) I don't know and don't need to know the details about your TW. But if at all possible you should reconcile with her. There must have been many good reasons why you married her and chose to have a child with her. Assuming she was not being deceitful and has now turned out to be a witch, you shouldn't throw that away so easily. If you're not careful, you may end up in a never-ending cycle of churning through women you think you're in love with and then becoming disillusioned.

3) As you said, you have no idea what this womans motivations are. IMO, you probably are much better for her right now than her Thai husband, but who knows what it will be like in one or two years when you get bored with her? Everyone should take this as slow as possible and not do anything that can't be undone (like having children). Don't overcommit to anything, but treat her fairly.

[Guest]

yeah,all of a sudden in udon thani i'm brad pitt.either its my new aftershave or my "supposed" bags of cash.i feel sorry for the girls but their are a million sad stories in this world and i cant take care of all of them.i had a business went bad and i was on the valium for a long time.we all have problems.i aint a fortunate farang.so if your little honey who may be 15 years younger than u turns on the hard luck keep a little self respect and say bye bye.its best in the long run and doesnt fuck with your head too much!