ranma500 Posted January 15, 2002 Report Share Posted January 15, 2002 To Shotover and TedBKK Anyone who just wants a quick shag can get it in Bangkok - no strings attached. It can be a purely physical thing. But in my humble opinion, when one starts to learn a little about the girls, to see where they live, to understand what they are doing here, and what their hopes are, it is a much richer, albeit sometimes more painful experience. If you have browsed this board before, you will no doubt have seen the horror stories of manipulative, lying, heartbreakers, and unfortunately if you spend much time here, you will come across these types. But whilst you should never allow yourself to be taken for a sucker, I recommend that you try not to become too cynical, that you take at face value what the girls tell you until it is proven false, and that you appreciate the rare moments when for whatever reason you can be of real value and importance to another human being. In spite of all the negative experiences, I am always amazed by the amount of times one encounters honesty, warmth, and real emotion. I suggest that anyone who doesn't find that has a blinkered view. If one can end a relationship, however short or temporary, and feel that in some way the other person is better off for having known you, that would be a nice aim. For I think that I am a wiser and better person for having known many of these girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 15, 2002 Report Share Posted January 15, 2002 You wrote>seemed kind of uncomfortable getting in the taxi by herself for some reason< I had a girl friend who would never see me off at the airport without a friend accompanying her because she was afraid to ride back in to town alone. On my recent trip I took two non-bar girls (university degrees) to Pattaya for a couple of days. In numerous e-mails I gave one of them the address of the hotel where she could meet me in Bangkok, she would reply "But I don't know how to get there". I would fire back, "It's easy just tell the taxi driver." She arrived at the hotel, walking having caught the bus. The taxi driver based at my hotel, with whom I had arranged to go to Pattaya with, said that she looked terrified when I introduced her to him. He told me that it is not save for a lone girl to ride a taxi in Bangkok and made the motion of squirting something in my face. The ones based at hotels can be trusted but not the other ones. He said it is better for the girls to catch the bus. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted January 15, 2002 Report Share Posted January 15, 2002 we guys on the Nana board, especially if we care one bit about things (and people) thai, should try to go beyond the usual stereotypes about BGs, and see as well as discuss, that the reality is always a little less simple and base as it seems. A farang and a thai girl are 2 different cultures at work, sometimes these cultures seem to exclude each other, though the feelings betwwen the 2 people are mutual. It takes time to figure out what's going on, and you sometimes realize what really happened or what her actions meant much later (at home). i can think of countless examples in my relationships over here, where all the information i got looked just a jumble of seemingly contradictions. One has to try to decipher between what is pure BarG/woman self-defense mechanism (all the little traits/stereotypes so often derided and mocked upon on this board) and what are their real feelings and expectations. All i can say to anyone having a thai GF, bar or not bar, try to meet and befriend her friends, their help will be handy at times when the situation is unexplainable. In my case lately, i must say my GF/s girlfriends were really of great help while we were apart. If only to soothe me and tell me about her feelings for me. Some guys may not need all that, but it is my belief that most of us who come to LOS and get romantic are not the most unsensitive guys and have been bruised a bit around the heart before, therefore we appreciate any cushion available when going thru the trials of a farang/thai affair. IMO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunsanuk Posted January 15, 2002 Report Share Posted January 15, 2002 Hi, "He told me that it is not save for a lone girl to ride a taxi in Bangkok" I know of several girls who will refuse to take a taxi by themselves, even during the day. And yes, every now and then you read something in the papers of a girl being attacked/raped/murdered by a taxidriver. Even though sex is readily available in Thailand for just about anyone, sexcrimes are still fairly high I believe, and Thailand is not as safe as most Westerners seem to believe. "The ones based at hotels can be trusted but not the other ones." Hmm, not sure if I agree with this one. Maybe they can be trusted with regards to this issue, but I would not trust many of them when it comes to charging a fair price, or even turning on the meter. I personally *never* use a taxi that is parked at a hotel or tourist destination, but always flag one down that is driving past. "He said it is better for the girls to catch the bus." Unfortunately not even this is 100% safe as was shown 2 (?) years ago when a gang of boys assaulted 2 girls on a bus, and subsequently raped them. Luckily the boys were caught, and sentenced. I think they got either life or death. Sanuk! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2002 Report Share Posted January 16, 2002 TedBkk, in my limited experience the tears you saw were probably mostly real (i.e. not cold-hearted manipulation), BUT it's probably not because you are the love of her life and that you hurt her feelings by suggesting your love wasn't real. I've seen these types of tears a few times (although only after a few nights, not weeks) and have to keep telling myself that there is no way these could be tears of true love. That's not enough time to love someone, especially with the cultural and language difficulties. If your case is anything like the ones I've seen, she does think you are a nice, clean, fun, not unattractive (and probably generous) guy and perhaps the best chance she's had in a while (or ever) to either get out of the game or at least improve her situation a lot. The real tears come when you burst her bubble so suddenly. It's not love, but it still hurts. You're not a sucker to feel a little sorrowful over this and her general situation, but you're not responsible. In the future I'm sure you'll be more careful to not let the bubble get so big or deflate it with more care. Just an opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 16, 2002 Report Share Posted January 16, 2002 I don't think Taxi's are all that unsafe for bargirls. I'm sure abductions and rapes happen occasionally, but the frequency is probably exaggerated by the Thai press and the bargirl rumor mill. A girl brand new to Bangkok should be especially careful (although not paranoid), but experienced bargirls should be fine. It seems a lot of inexperienced Thai girls are also deathly afraid of flying (implying they're easily susceptible to horror stories and blow them out of proportion). I bet the girls often do get verbally harrassed by the drivers, though. The drivers are certainly a little bitter that the girl just made more in one night than he does in a week (or month); not that that's an excuse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2002 Report Share Posted January 17, 2002 quote: Originally posted by ranma500: But whilst you should never allow yourself to be taken for a sucker, I recommend that you try not to become too cynical, that you take at face value what the girls tell you until it is proven false, and that you appreciate the rare moments when for whatever reason you can be of real value and importance to another human being. Agree with you 100% (PS I've been here for 2 years -- filled with sanuking despite the thai wife and daughter -- I know the score real well.) Indeed, part of the attraction of these sorts of relationships is just that cycle of pleasure and pain. Become calloused would deny both, not just the pain. [ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: TEDBKK ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 17, 2002 Report Share Posted January 17, 2002 quote: Originally posted by FarangDang: TedBkk, in my limited experience the tears you saw were probably mostly real (i.e. not cold-hearted manipulation), BUT it's probably not because you are the love of her life and that you hurt her feelings by suggesting your love wasn't real. I've seen these types of tears a few times (although only after a few nights, not weeks) and have to keep telling myself that there is no way these could be tears of true love. That's not enough time to love someone, especially with the cultural and language difficulties. If your case is anything like the ones I've seen, she does think you are a nice, clean, fun, not unattractive (and probably generous) guy and perhaps the best chance she's had in a while (or ever) to either get out of the game or at least improve her situation a lot. The real tears come when you burst her bubble so suddenly. It's not love, but it still hurts. You're not a sucker to feel a little sorrowful over this and her general situation, but you're not responsible. In the future I'm sure you'll be more careful to not let the bubble get so big or deflate it with more care. Just an opinion. People seem to think I was posting about some experience that was new to me or that opened my eyes in some way that was new to me. This is not the case. This was not about whether I am a sucker or not, it was just an observation about how there are real people with real feelings in the scene, on both sides of the equation. I have a tw (thai wife) and daughter, about which I was totally up front from the beginning. So there wasn't really an issue of me being a ticket out of anything or even really of helping her to improve her lot beyond the couple thousand baht I gave her. I was not manipulated in any way. She got the same fee I would have given anyone else for the same services and has continued to see me and be happy with being slightly underpaid relative to what I imaging she usually gets. [ January 17, 2002: Message edited by: TEDBKK ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 18, 2002 Report Share Posted January 18, 2002 quote: Originally posted by TEDBKK: People seem to think I was posting about some experience that was new to me or that opened my eyes in some way that was new to me. This is not the case. This was not about whether I am a sucker or not, it was just an observation about how there are real people with real feelings in the scene, on both sides of the equation. When I respond to a note like yours, I try to make more general observations that might help others; no insinuation that you, in particular, are a sucker or a newbie was intended. Even though this has happened to you before, you still fell into the same trap (IMO); i.e. that her expectations were higher than you were willing to deliver. Sometimes there's no getting around this, even if you're upfront. Your note is another illustration to all of us to keep in mind that often this is much more serious for them than for us. quote: I have a tw (thai wife) and daughter, about which I was totally up front from the beginning. So there wasn't really an issue of me being a ticket out of anything or even really of helping her to improve her lot beyond the couple thousand baht I gave her. I was not manipulated in any way. She got the same fee I would have given anyone else for the same services and has continued to see me and be happy with being slightly underpaid relative to what I imaging she usually gets. Again, your situation may be different or even unique, but in general I don't think it's as simple as that. Just because you have a TW (and kid) doesn't mean that you don't have significant space in your life for her (either as a potential mia noi, or even just as a steady customer). And even if you don't pay as much per "service", a steady income (especially with someone as charming as you ;-) makes a difference to her. You say you weren't manipulated, but that's hard to be certain of. Certainly you were touched by her and your actions did change as a result. Even if you didn't slip her a few thousand baht extra (on principle), you might be more likely to go back and see her. Note that doesn't mean I think she was deliberately working you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zanemay Posted January 18, 2002 Report Share Posted January 18, 2002 Well boys!! These are some of the most uplifting replies I have ever seen! I know the tears are real in the case of my GF. She has always been sensitive and that is one reason why I love her. And one reason why she can love me. The first time she cried was when I suggested we take a one night break after four days/nights together. (I ususally get almost the same reaction from American women. Why do women want to go 24/7!?) We have been together for almost a year now. Not exclusively by any means although I don't do anything anywhere near her. She gets hurt too easily. Anyway, I know her really well now. I know she is not maniupulating with tears. She is crying. Have faith all. There is love for you in Thailand. Zane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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