Bargirl Marriage Disaster

[Guest]

I'm sure that we can all learn a lot from HSTEACH's story and it's one that has been repeated many time here in LOS. I think that the main problem comes in because we are thinking with our heart and telling the bargirl the truth while she is thinking with her head and telling us what we want to hear (a bunch of lies, they call it 'face'). <P></P>

My only experience with a bargirl relationship was a few months back when I was barfining a girl out of Emergency Room in Pattaya regularly. She was very nice, good in bed, and spoke fairly good English and was nineteen years old with a two year old son in Issan. She told me that she was looking for a boyfriend to support her, that she detested working in the bar and having to screw different farangs every night. I thought about it but didn't want to be tied down with one person at that time. She finally found the right guy, he works for an oil company in Indonesia and sends her enough money that she doesn't have to work in the bar any more. I saw her at the bar the other night, she was just coming be to say hi to the other girls that work there, and she didn't even bother to come up to me and say hi, how are you. It made me realize that I was just like all the other punters to her, she didn't give a shit about me, only my money. <P></P>

I'm involved with another Thai girl now but she isn't a bargirl, she is a regular girl from a good family, is educated and speaks good English. Unfortunately I see a few of the same traits cropping up with her as in my bargirl relationship. The Thais that I have met will lie at the drop of a hat and think nothing of it, I think that it's just a way of life over here. We will see where it all leads but I'm enjoying the learning process

[spirit_of_town_hall]

Lucky,

I couldn't agree with you more, I knew a normal Thai girl and when she had to nip off somewhere it was amazing how many ill friends she had, how many friends who had cancer that she had to visit. You would think that if somebody's friends were in the last throws of cancer they would have mentioned this to you, and that they had to see them in three hours time.

Alternatively they are probably doing it to save you face, rather than say I don't want to see you this afternoon, they say they have to visit a friend who is dying in hospital.

In the west we do it as well, I think that we are more selective when we do though, conjuring up excuses when we really need to.

La gorn

[HSTEACH]

Gummigut.. She mentioned several times "you need better wife, one who take care better." "I no good for you." "You good man, take care good, you need good lady." I thought she was kidding. I always reassured her that she was what I wanted, not somebody else. Herself esteem was at rock bottom when she arrived here. Thought her only value to anybody was sex. Nothing else. She really didn't like herself. Slowly she began to gain a little confidence in her abilities, but I guess in the end, her self esteem was still low. She really felt ill prepared to be a wife. I don't think she really knew what to do. Her first marriage was void of any communication, any affection,and I'm not so sure there was much if any love involved. My fear now is that she will not get the medical treatment she needs and will just accept the fact she will die. My greatest fear is she will go back to the "business" and thinking she's dying, not take the normal precautions to prevent HIV. She may think why bother, I'm going to die soon anyway. Like I said on another post, a fairly simple operation of maybe 15 minutes would eliminate all her problems. She doesn't need to die at the age of 32.

[tomc12]

HSTEACH,

In people with low self-esteem, it is difficult for them to believe someone really loves them. They tend to be afraid you are going to wake-up one day, come to your senses, and dump them. Especially difficult if you are living in a strange land without family. How well did she understand about the dysplasia or CIS of her cervix? If perchance she thought she was going to die, I could understand her wanting to be back home.

[HSTEACH]

I don't really think she understood the seriousness of the situation, or else she didn't care. She never wanted to talk about it. Maybe she thought all her bad karma was coming back to haunt her. She was diagnosed as CIS 111 with a strong possibility of carcinoma in situ. That diagnosis is the reason I've been trying to contact her. She needs to have something done pretty soon or else she will have some severe problems to deal with.

[Guest]

Roger said;

there are so many "normal" Thai girls out there who you could meet....give them a chance they are far more rewarding.

Roger I have gone with two so called normal Thai girls, one was more mercinary than any bar girl I have ever known, and when she did mary a farang she had her brother kill him, the second was one of the most passionate girls I have ever known, but it was very obvious she just wanted a farang to get out of Thailand.

I am sure there are many good "normal girls" and in a higher proportion to "bar girls" but there are also many good "bar girls". As far as HSTEACH's storey goes, I think he is very lucky the girl did not rip him off as she could, she obviously was not that bad. HS has no real proof she has a boyfriend, maybe she does maybe she doesn't. For his peace of mind I think he should investigate further. However if she does have a boyfriend maybe she was trying to make a new life for herself in the States and just couldn't handle it, especially when the cancer came on. Samuigeorge.

[Guest]

Thank you HST for sharing your story again during this difficult time (I know we have talked about your story on the TF Board).

Certainly, you are not the first, nor will you be the last. But hopefully a higher purpose can be served here if new 'sanukers' out there will remember your story, and think really hard about what they're getting into. Altho' I have been lucky w/ my marriage, I still tell others to be careful, realize the risks, and be prepared when the dice you roll comes up short.

Some of the responses on this thread are very insightful, altho' we may never know the "truth" as to why your wife left--was it a money scam?, was it a BF?, was it fear of cancer?, low self-esteem?, etc, etc. If I had to take a guess, I don't think it was a premeditated scam (but money is usually a motivating factor--TGs/BGs want financial security). Rather, I think it was a combination of the cancer, low self-esteem, and adjusting to a foreign country--when all this is thrown at you at one time, it may just be easier to run away.

Fortunately, as difficult as this has been, you will be able to move on--you will make back the money, and time will heal the heart. Unfortunately, your ex-wife may not be so lucky--I also hope that she will get her cancer treated. Regards,

[Guest]

quote:

---

Originally posted by iuytrede:

@ HSteach

"Money can't buy me love"

I have read your post a couple of times during the last few days.

Did it ever occur to you that maybe she just did not like you?

Not to speak of love.

You sound so incredibly convinced of yourself. You most of the time speak of yourself, and about what you could offer her - but that was all just material things.

Did you think you could buy real love?

Man does not live on bread alone.

You sound just as materialistic as any Thai prostitute.

If we think we can buy somebody, and then this person turns around and just uses us - who is wrong?

---

something that one should be aware of in asia is----"there is no love, only business".--and"you never ever know the real truth"--and"never, ever gamble with an asian"------otherwise enjoy your sanuk!

[HSTEACH]

Well, I haven't been sitting on my butt doing nothing. I've had at least four people looking for her. All falangs. Have been in contact with he mom, for whatever good that info is. Now if you're volunteering to go to Soi Cowboy for me, email me and I'll send you her name and what bar she use to work for.

[Long Gun]

Cent

I know you're reading this! Don't let it put you off!!

LG