DarkCloud Posted August 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 In that case, my apologies. In that event, as mentioned earlier, before consulting a shrink, the best thing to do would visit an MD who has experience in behavioral disorders. Before any kind of behavioral disorder is addressed, all possible physiological and biological basis' need to be elimated or treated. As another poster also noted, if there is a medicinal antidote for the problem, tedious experimentation with the drug(s) may be required. No need to apologize, just a misunderstanding. A Psychiatrist is an MD who specializes in behavioral disorders. We have been seeing a Psychiatrist. And, as I mentioned earlier, I have a Master's degree in mental health counseling (although I never practiced professionally) and feel I am able to judge the competence of a Psychiatrist (as well as anyone - no one in my opinion can absolutely judge the competence of a Psychiatrist). In this case, I have confidence in the Psychiatrist. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCloud Posted August 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 I would like to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread. It has been very helpful for me. I am now going to ask khunsanuk to close the thread. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 DarkCloud, I think this may not the best route for you. What I read from your post is that you can tolerate being with her if you got plenty of away time - either with her family or in Bangkok or on your own. I understand you want to do the right thing, but doing the right thing only works if you really want it. And I simply don't believe that's the case with you. And not that I blame you, I don't. Sometimes it is better to cut things short if you're not up to the task that lies ahead of you. If your heart is not with your GF, staying with her is not an option. You won't be doing her and yourself a favour if that's the case. Don't let your feelings of obligations pollute your thinking. Ask yourself the right questions. Do you want to be with her? Do you want to take care of her? If you can't answer those questions with a resounding yes, I would move on if I were you. Good luck with your decision, because it is a hard one. Cheers, Soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simon43 Posted August 8, 2008 Report Share Posted August 8, 2008 I sympathize with you very much. My Thai partner (now ex-wife) has Bipolar (manic-depression), and our sorry saga can be followed in threads on the TV forum. It is basically, a livng hell, especially for the carer (me). Because it is an incurable illness (but treatable to a point with the correct medication), just when you think everything is going ok, (and that you have every eventuality covered), and you can relax, the 'patient' goes and does something totally crazy that you hadn't considered in your plan. (Like stealing your car and crashing it because she cannot drive). I used to love my partner, but her mental illness destroyed our happy life and marriage. I say go. even if you think you are being a bastard to do so. She will only pull you down to her level and - like a previous poster commented - sometimes you have to think of yourself. Good luck - Simon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCloud Posted August 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2008 "Do you want to be with her? Do you want to take care of her?" soongmak, Thanks for your reply I appreciate it. My g/f is herself a small % of the time. But, she is aware of her behavior when she is not herself. Thus, she laments, "I am not the same as before". One of my main attractions to my g/f is she is such as sweet, kind, giving person. Here is one example: We were on our way to her home and she had me stop at a vegetarian restaurant where she purchased some food. After we had arrived at her village home, she asked me to go with her. We went to another house in the village a short walk away. My g/f has the food from the veg restaurant with her. Inside the house was a teenage girl who had been in an accident, was confined to a wheelchair who is on a special diet. My g/f had purchased the food for this girl. This is not an isolated incident. I have seen my g/f perform Buddhist "loving kindness" many times. To respond to your questions, I don't want to be with the person my g/f is the greater % of the time. I don't want to take care of her or anyone else - I have done enough of that in my life. But, since my g/f is herself a small % of the time and is aware, I know she will be greatly hurt if I leave her and I don't want that either. Prior to your reply and the one that follows yours, I felt I had come to a workable compromise position. Now, I am not so sure. I am back to being conflicted and not knowing what the heck to do. Anyway, I do appreciate your input. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffalo_bill Posted August 9, 2008 Report Share Posted August 9, 2008 Good luck to you and your well designed part time presence plan Khun DarkCloud . Not being a Thai/Falang relationship expert in any way I still fear your Western rational thinking won't work in your current environment , but all that is , well , up to you . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted August 9, 2008 Report Share Posted August 9, 2008 To respond to your questions, I don't want to be with the person my g/f is the greater % of the time. I don't want to take care of her or anyone else - I have done enough of that in my life. But, since my g/f is herself a small % of the time and is aware, I know she will be greatly hurt if I leave her and I don't want that either. Because you don't want to be with your GF due to her changed personality and the care that comes with her disease, it might show after a while. Maybe if your GF sees that you don't want to be with her, she might be hurt just as much, or even more than if you would tel her now. What I am saying is that even if you don't want to hurt her, you might hurt her eventually, because you don't want to be with her. That is something to keep in mind when you finally reach a decision. Prior to your reply and the one that follows yours, I felt I had come to a workable compromise position. Now, I am not so sure. I am back to being conflicted and not knowing what the heck to do. Anyway, I do appreciate your input. It is only natural that you feel conflicted again. This is not a situation that you can easily resolve. Just accept that. Give it some time. See how it works out for you now. In the next couple of weeks you will see what the future will have in store for you. Maybe that can help you make up your mind. I don't know if it is possible to talk with your GF about your predicament. Maybe her psychiatrist can tell you. I would eventually always tell her and her family the truth, if possible. It makes it easier to face them and yourself in the future. Doing a runner may look easier now, but you have to contemplate if you could live with it. I do think your GF and her family deserve to hear the truth. They sound like genuine nice people. If possible treat them that way. And that doesn't mean you have to stick with them for the rest of your life. That is your decision. Take care, soongmak Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarkCloud Posted August 9, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 9, 2008 I don't know if it is possible to talk with your GF about your predicament. Maybe her psychiatrist can tell you. I would eventually always tell her and her family the truth, if possible. It makes it easier to face them and yourself in the future. Doing a runner may look easier now, but you have to contemplate if you could live with it. I do think your GF and her family deserve to hear the truth. They sound like genuine nice people. If possible treat them that way. And that doesn't mean you have to stick with them for the rest of your life. That is your decision. Thanks again for your input. I would never do a runner per se. And, in any case will continue to provide financial support. I am considering seeing the Psychiatrist with her again. But, considering what some others have shared about their experiences, I am afraid that even if her medication is changed and an improvement occurs, the improvement may only be temporary and I will be at the beginning of a long journey that will end with my having to end the relationship anyway. However, if I decide to end the relationship, I will try to get input from the Psychiatrist as to how to end it in the most caring and least upsetting way. Ironically, my current relationship would not have happened if I weren't cheap and tried to save $600. After I divorced my prior Thai wife, I moved to Cambodia. I was bored and decided to teach English (actually, I was hoping to start teaching English and then eventually teach some business courses as I have an MBA). Anyway, the organization I decided to use for my English language teacher training was offering a big discount in Thailand. I wanted to get the training in Vietnam, since I had never been there. But, decided on Thailand because of the sale and the $600 savings. When I returned to Thailand to get the training, I promised myself I would not get involved with another Thai woman. But, then I met my g/f and broke my promise to myself. If I had it to do all over again, I would chose Vietnam and the additional $600. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topcatta Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 well you would be one hell of a karma yogi if you stay with her. You can only stay if that is what you really want to do. Its not your responsibility she has gone nuts. Accepting her situation and her new me means that you will not be a happy puppy and in the end she will not be either. Choose for your Self. Holy Selfishness I call it as ideally you have to take care of yourself first before you can really take care of another........... Love allways, TC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Topcatta Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 When a can of worms is opened in front of your nose, you are responsible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.