Help with distressing personal situation

[DarkCloud]

This IS a wind-up by a troll, isn't it?

 

As khunsanuk stated, it is not a wind-up. I have been a member of this board for a long time under another ID. Via PM I discussed using a different ID with khunsanuk due to the very personal and difficult nature of the situation.

[DarkCloud]

This smells like drugs or various kinds of brain disorder or brain injury.

 

My g/f does not use drugs or drink alcohol.

 

For all the good it seems to do, current medical opinion seems to be that schizophrenics experienced some childhood trauma, display abnormal brain functioning and some "recent" event activates the schizophrenic condition and behavior.

 

But, the bottom line is there is currently no cure and it is a life-long condition. There are different medications available that have different degrees of success with different people. A particular medication may be affective for a period of time and then no longer affective.....

 

So, from my point of view, considering medical progress in the last 25 years, in 25 years current knowledge and treatment will be considered primitive.

[DarkCloud]

Earlier in this thread, in response to shygye, I explained that I had some misunderstanding.

[DarkCloud]

Bubi,

 

You make some very good points.

 

Thanks.

[DarkCloud]

As you have made up your mind to end the relationship

 

I haven't decided to end the relationship. I have decided I won't marry her and will at least need to spend a fair amount of time away from her.

 

However, BuBi, made some good points in a post subsequent to your post that I will have to consider. Perhaps, it would be best if I made up an excuse and left the scene. For example, I just returned from my son's wedding. I could say I need to return to the US to help my son and take care of my grandson or ....

 

In any case, I will financially provide for my g/f and her children.

[DarkCloud]

The unspoken part in all of this, unspoken by me, is what about me?

 

I am of the age and time period, when as a male child you were trained to suppress your feelings, suck it up and take care of business. This is what "men" did.

 

Of course everyone has feelings and men simply suppressed those feelings even though they were still inside.

 

A couple of months ago, I had a lot of enjoyment being with a woman that I loved. Now, she is gone.

 

Actually, this situation reminds me of my mother. She lived brain dead for 9 months before actually dying. Brain dead people's bodies function "normally". For example, their eyes are open and react to light. So, they appear normal. But, you know they are in fact gone. Its much more difficult to see someone you love brain dead then it is to see someone you love who is actually dead. Similarly, my g/f, most of the time is physically present but mentally not present.

 

This is not a case where I have gotten bored and want to make a graceful exit. I actually want my g/f back the way she was (which I know is not going to happen). Having the male training I had, I have not cried over this situation. But, I know inside I am broken hearted.

 

So, BuBi may be correct. That the best thing I can do is make an exit in as caring a way as I can and continue to provide financial support. Since I really don't want to leave, my mind may have to overrule my heart.

[Hugh_Hoy]

This IS a wind-up by a troll, isn't it?

 

As khunsanuk stated, it is not a wind-up. I have been a member of this board for a long time under another ID. Via PM I discussed using a different ID with khunsanuk due to the very personal and difficult nature of the situation.

 

 

In that case, my apologies. In that event, as mentioned earlier, before consulting a shrink, the best thing to do would visit an MD who has experience in behavioral disorders. Before any kind of behavioral disorder is addressed, all possible physiological and biological basis' need to be elimated or treated. As another poster also noted, if there is a medicinal antidote for the problem, tedious experimentation with the drug(s) may be required. Go for it!

 

HH

[buffalo_bill]

Khun DarkCloud ,

 

I would not have spent a further thought on your problem without KS's comment that your issue is genuine . If you might have read some of my previous posts you get an idea what sort of idiots you meet on the internet . Here is my housemaid's story for what it's worth .

 

South American origin , black , came over here 4 years ago illegally as many of them and married a man who is British and earns his living by , :thumbup: , teaching English in Germany . Which means after a while she can stay here forever due to EC rules , don't ask me wy they married maybe it was even love .

 

2 years ago the man started to develop a depression which got worse and worse . A depression in that case looks as follows : the man spent the weekend on the sofa crying , at times left the building at night to buy drugs at the railway station and lately strted drinking . Hell on earth . It took the lady over a year to consider divorce because finally she was totally exhausted , sometimes I gave her money to stay in a hotel to recover . Since then I know that living with a loved person who starts to develop mental disturbance is about the worst that can happen . I did not feel exactly well to assist her with the divorce by creating the idea with the family-problem at home when the husband chose a solution of his own by committing suicide . This was Friday last week . And you know what he wrote in his farewell letter , thanks God still not knowing that a divorce was on the menue : He wrote he could not see her suffer any more from his illness and due to lack of a better solution he decided to quit .

 

What does this tell us ? Human morale seems to demand staying with your partner whatever happens in particular if things go wrong . The question arises if there might be a burdon which you cannot bear unless it breaks your backbone . To my understanding an honorable exit is therefore a legal option , possibly try to be kind of a distant watchdog to keep your conscience intact . Feeling guilty could as well become a major burdon . Over to you , I wish you well.

[shygye]

I would do it in two stages.

 

1) Tell her she must live in the village so she can have the support of her family and friends. It is going to take time to find the right medication that works and has the least side-effects for her. Support the education of her children if you can financially handle it.

 

2) When she has stabilized, then tell her that the two of you can never marry.

 

[DarkCloud]

Human morale seems to demand staying with your partner whatever happens in particular if things go wrong . The question arises if there might be a burdon which you cannot bear unless it breaks your backbone .

Actually, its hard for me to consider not supporting her. Especially when considering the following: I had been married to a Thai woman a couple of years ago. I suffered a back problem and was pretty much house bound and in constant pain discomfort. I went to numerous hospitals in BKK without much success. However, I did find a potential surgical solution in the US. I scheduled the surgery for January of the next year, 3 months in the future (due to medical insurance considerations). I felt bad that we were not able to go out due to my condition and suggest my wife go out with her friends without me. At the time she was attending school part-time and would go to the health club where we had a membership. Anyway, she began to go out more and more. Then, I found out she was lying to me and not attending school. I really felt betrayed. This was a time when I was suffering and needed support - instead I got a knife in the back (or that's how I felt anyway). Ironically the surgery was successful and "everything would have been OK", if she had stood with me for the 3 months. Of course, I now knew I could never depend upon her in time of need. We divorced much to her regret.

 

Naturally this situation made me feel strongly that husbands and wives should be there for their spouses in bad times as well as good.

 

Looking at shygye's reply which follows yours and considering the above, I think I will follow the plan that my g/f and I currently have in place.

 

We will move to the major city 60 km from her family home. In making this plan to relocate so that she could be near her family and see her children frequently, I had said, if we do this, I will need to go to BKK a couple of weekends each month since there are very, very few farangs where we will be living. Being able to be so close to her family and being able to see her children frequently,she agreed to this. The problem I have with this scenario is that I like to be monogamous (if others chose to see other women in addition to their wives, up to them - I am not judgemental).

 

However, I used to live in BKK and did a lot of mongering there. I spent one night there recently and although I didn't plan on seeing another woman and didn't want to - the temptation was too much for me and I did. So, I expect that if we do as planned and I do go to BKK a couple of weekends each month, I won't be able to resist the temptation and will see other women. This is especially true since my g/f's condition has affected our sex life.

 

Anyway, I expect since we will be only 60km from her family, we can go to her home for dinner frequently and I can suggest she stay with her children overnight and I will come back and pick her up the next night. As I mentioned, I had financed a reconstruction and expansion of her home and we have a very nice room there.

This is a plan that may work. I don't have to end the relationship. I can get relief from the situation with my g/f spending a night or 2 each week with her children at her family home and I can also get relief by spending a couple of weekends each month in BKK.

 

Three parts of this plan that I don't like quite frankly are: it is still difficult for me to be with my g/f as she is simply not the same as before; flying to BKK and back twice a month and paying for a hotel room will be a substantial expense for me (I will have to use money that I wanted to save/invest) and I am sure I will be with other women, which I would prefer not to do but know I won't be able to resist in BKK.

 

The good part is that my g/f will either be with me or with her family. And, being so close to her family, she can attend any special school or other events that her children are involved in.

 

As far as my getting older and reaching the point that I need someone to take care of me - I am not planning on that. Rather, I plan to do a Hunter Thompson, Ernest Hemingway.

 

All in all, not a very good situation but maybe the best plan of action under poor conditions.