Thaispeak

[Guest]

I’ve often been accused of acting unfriendly or simply not speaking when I’m in the company of Thais. I have nothing against them, but the truth is I’ve never been fond of small talk and labored conversation whether I’m in Thailand, Tongo or Tanzania - it’s simply just not my scene. I don’t really mean to appear rude.

As a farang living in Thailand, you are constantly bombarded with small talk and over the years, you learn the best ways to deal with it. Before I go further into this topic, I’d like to dispel a few guidebook/urban myths. Firstly, that Thais love the chance to practice their English with foreigners. What a load of rubbish that is. Thais must be among the shyest nationality on earth when it comes to communicating in a foreign tongue. I’m not bemoaning the fact – it’s just the way they are. If you don’t believe me, try starting a conversation at a bus stop and watch as the other person’s face distorts with some incomprehensible fear that borders on blind panic.

Other myths are that Thais will ask a foreigner frank questions such as “what is your salary?” and “what religion are you?” I have never been asked either of those questions in 12 years. Sure, people have asked me if I make good money in Thailand but that’s not the same as asking for an exact figure. As for religion, the younger generation of Thais giggle with embarrassment when questioned about their temple-going activities. In fact, unless they weren’t dragged along by a well-meaning granny during certain religious festivals, they wouldn’t go at all.

One thing that amazed me about the Thais when I first arrived here is that no-one talks about the weather. It is simply unworthy of being classified as a conversation topic. I mentioned to someone that the weather was particularly hot on that day, and they just looked at me with a puzzled frown “but it’s hot every day”. And yes indeed I suppose it is. It’s just that coming from a country where the weather is invariably always the opening conversational gambit, I found the lack of interest in the weather mildly unsettling. Thais will still complain if they are too hot or too cold however, but they’re not looking for a response or agreement.

Even stranger than the marked absence of chat about the climate is the way Thais never ever ask how are you are. It’s not that they don’t care, but they just never ask you. Thais are far more likely to ask you where you’ve been or the incredibly annoying “have you eaten yet?” Over the years I’ve developed a technique of nodding my head in a way that can neither be construed as yay or nay, and there endeth the exchange.

One question that the expat is commonly asked is “why have you come to live in Thailand?” as though we are in urgent need of certifying to choose to settle in a place that is so polluted, corrupt, and damn hot. And yet we all know Thailand has some wonderful attributes. Believe it or not I think that Thais sometimes refuse to recognize them and be proud of them. They are fiercely proud of the monarchy of course, then again to think negatively about it makes you an outcast.

Thais love hearing about members of your family – wherever those people are and whatever they are doing. But only positive things. If a Thai asked you about your mother and you replied with “I haven’t spoken to that old crone for years” they would cross the street to avoid you in future. They might feel the same way about certain members of their family but the dirty laundry is never aired in public.

I’ve become fascinated by topics of conversation that positively die on their arse when used in the company a Thai. I defy you to get anything more than a puzzled shrug of the shoulders in answer to the question “what are you doing at the weekend?” Why is it that Thais feel embarrassed to discuss future plans? I’ve never been able to work it out. Another conversation prodder that always goes down in flames is “tell me about your trip to……..?”. If you receive an answer of “it was nice”, you’re doing well. If you receive a reply of “It was marvellous, superb, wonderful” oh boy have you met a chatterbox. This Thai reluctance to discuss the experience of one’s travels abroad has intrigued me for a long time and it’s only a theory, but I think they feel slightly ashamed that they never really travel and embrace a foreign culture. How many times have I heard stories of Thai tour groups going to European cities and seeking out the familiarity of Chinese restaurants and karoake lounges. Strange.

[ June 30, 2001: Message edited by: Bangkok Phil ]

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

"Before I go further into this topic, I’d like to dispel a few guidebook/urban myths. Firstly, that Thais love the chance to practice their English with foreigners. What a load of rubbish that is."

Totally agree. I approached a young guy working at Tops a while back, addressing him in Thai, he seemed horrified and looked all around him for someone else to talk to the scary farang.

"Other myths are that Thais will ask a foreigner frank questions such as “what is your salary?” and “what religion are you?” I have never been asked either of those questions in 12 years."

A couple of times, even by cabdrivers. And yes, they did ask for an exact figure.

"One thing that amazed me about the Thais when I first arrived here is that no-one talks about the weather."

Again my experiences are different.

"Even stranger than the marked absence of chat about the climate is the way Thais never ever ask how are you are. It’s not that they don’t care, but they just never ask you. Thais are far more likely to ask you where you’ve been or the incredibly annoying “have you eaten yet?” "

This question is the same as asking how you are.

"I defy you to get anything more than a puzzled shrug of the shoulders in answer to the question “what are you doing at the weekend?” "

Agree on this one. The usual answer I get is "don't know, probably nothing"

"I’ve never been able to work it out. Another conversation prodder that always goes down in flames is “tell me about your trip to……..?”. "

Hmmm, took my wife to my home country, and when we came back she couldn't stop talking about it to her friends. As well as showing them all the pictures.

I guess everybody has different experiences.

Sanuk!

[Guest]

Yes, my girlfriend was exactly the same - showing off her photo album of good old England. But that has a lot to do with a farang being with her and encouraging her to enjoy the experience nad to be there to answer any questions I suppose.

Ask any English teacher in Thailand what response they get when asking students about trips abroad.

[ June 30, 2001: Message edited by: Bangkok Phil ]

[Guest]

I think the best response to How much you do you earn? is "phor yoo daay" - enough to live on. LOL

[thalenoi]

Originally posted by Bangkok Phil:

, I’d like to dispel a few guidebook/urban myths. Firstly, that Thais love the chance to practice their English with foreigners."

Happens quite often, mostly students, smetimes thai english teachers, lately a lady next to me on the bus from Kanchanburi to Bangkok, and yes, even at busstops.

"Other myths are that Thais will ask a foreigner frank questions such as “what is your salary?” and “what religion are "

I was the solely human being on Songklha beach a few weeks ago when a thai young man in his twenties asked me ALL of the above questions.

He was a pain in the ass and after a long 30 minutes he suddenly needed to "pai hong nam"

 

"One thing that amazed me about the Thais when I first arrived here is that no-one talks about the weather"

The number of thais complaining it was to hot in may was just incredible and they were looking for a response and they looked ashtonished when I explained them what cold really means.

 

"Even stranger than the marked absence of chat about the climate is the way Thais never ever ask how are you are"

It is my understanding there "where you go?" has same politness value as our "how are you", the person asking not caring anyway.

 

"One question that the expat is commonly asked is “why have you come to live in Thailand?"

I am not an expat but have often been asked "why you visit my country" and that is an interesting question.

 

"I defy you to get anything more than a puzzled shrug of the shoulders in answer to the question “what are you doing at the weekend?"

Agree on this one. Seems they don't think future.”

"Another conversation prodder that always goes down in flames is “tell me about your trip to……..?"

On my last trip my gf managed to improve my thai hearing skills by repeating endlessly to anyone (taxi driver, passenger on the bus) all the places we visited under way.

Definitely not the same experiences as the ones you mention.

Thalenoi

[Flashermac]

One problem here is that people are speaking of "Thais" and "Thailand" without making ny distinction between Bangkok and everywhere else! Bangkok is a big city with big city ways. Granted, most people in Bangkok nowadays came from somewhere else. But people are overall less friendly, less polite, less inquisitive etc etc. Even in the 1970s, Bangkok Thais used to say to me, "Oh, you live upcountry? You are so lucky. People are so much nicer." I suppose you can say that about big city dwellers in every country. (e.g. New York State is a beautiful place with nice folks. NYC ... sucks.)

[ June 30, 2001: Message edited by: Flashermac ]

[nkped]

A lot of what Phil says rings true to me. Whether it is really true may be another matter. One of the the glaring cultural differences to a young GI was the inability of many Thais to fix events on a time line. The ex-wife did well to date events in the reletively recent past within two years. As to meeting at an exact time--good luck! Perhaps, planning, or not planning, for the weekend is an extension of that. Of course, I can sympathize with the attitude; unless I am going out of town, I generally start planning the weekend when I wake up on Saturday morning.

Can't remember ever having a Thai approach solely to practice English. Have had it happen elsewhere in Asia and my first reaction, sometimes correctly, is to grab my wallet. Since Thais know better than we do how many con artists are around, perhaps most anticipate that reaction even is they might otherwise be so inclined. If there is a reason to communicate, that's a different matter, people will venture their English, try to understand your limited Thai or find someone with better English.

Small talk, which is not necessarily the same thing as common courtesy, can be difficult enough in your first language. Which brings up the question: among native speakers, what are Thai topics for small talk among strangers/friends?

[Guest]

Reading the original post and the responses I wonder, Phil, are you sure you've been living in Thailand all these years? But then, you're the guy who went to Pattaya and the closest you got to a sex show was watching two soi dogs, right? :-)

quote:

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Thais never ever ask how are you are.

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I'd hate to find out I've been wrong all these years but I always thought khun sabai dee mai meant 'how are you'.

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

BangkokPhil said:

"I think the best response to How much you do you earn? is "phor yoo daay" - enough to live on."

Yep, that is the usual answer. Most seem to accept it.

Sanuk!

[CondomKing]

quote:

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Originally posted by Flashermac:

One problem here is that people are speaking of "Thais" and "Thailand" without making ny distinction between Bangkok and everywhere else! Bangkok is a big city with big city ways. Granted, most people in Bangkok nowadays came from somewhere else. But people are overall less friendly, less polite, less inquisitive etc etc. Even in the 1970s, Bangkok Thais used to say to me, "Oh, you live upcountry? You are so lucky. People are so much nicer." I suppose you can say that about big city dwellers in every country. (e.g. New York State is a beautiful place with nice folks. NYC ... sucks.)

[ June 30, 2001: Message edited by: Flashermac ]

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NYC sucks??? Oh, I take some mild exception to your remarks. I happen to be from NYC and my hometown pride requires me to respond to your use of NYC as a negative stereotype. Sure, the people are busy and that city is an extremely active place, but stop almost anyone in midtown and they'll be happy to offer directions or most other helpful assistance. Cities are vibrant and energizing, at least to me they are. I live in the two best in the world -- New York City and Bangkok. Guess it just depends on what you think is "nice". C. K.