Guest Posted December 1, 2002 Report Share Posted December 1, 2002 We were on the phone for almost two hours tonight and I believed our relationship was all over. She told me that she wanted to stay in Bangkok, go back to work at her friend's company to take care of herself. It's been two years since we met. Since then I got her out of the club scence, rent her a condo, got her a car and support her in every aspects. I live and work in New York but travel to Bkk often. Thing started to go wrong this time around when I am away for almost six months. I don't know if that is the main factor. I know she is a good girl and has tried pretty hard to take care of herself and her family. I asked her to go back to school to finish her final 2 years of college and to take AUA to improve her English. She went back to school for two terms and finished only a few courses. She took AUA to level 4 then stop. After unsuccessful with her education, I helped her to start up some business but they're all failed and we lost money. I didn't fault her for that, at least she tried. I have been taking care her, her daugher, her sister and her children, her mother, her brother's children and now her dying grandmother. I didn't mind because I could afford it. The thing that really bother me and I believe is the cause of our break u is that she always believes that we could not live together. She told me she knew she will end up live alone all her life!!! I asked her why she felt that way, is it because of me or of my thinking about our relationship? She told me she just knew because of her life in the past. To tell you the true, that thinking and her attitute toward that believe just drove me absolutely up the wall. We are 9 years different in age, she's 31 and I am 40. She's very religious. She prays and meditates every night. She went to the temple once every two months for several days. I even encourgage her to do this because I was afraid that boredom and loneliness will distract her. She had a very rough life at an early age. She ran away from home because of a abusive father. She met a Thai boy friend who took her into his family and took care of her. But after two years, he died in a motorcycle accident. She returned home to her family and got into a relationship with another Thai man. She dumped him becaused he's lazy and abusive. She went to work at a high dollar club for two year and that's where we met. I really love her and care for her because we have much in common. We spoke shyly about marriage and have plan to get marry next year in New York. I knew she's scare about getting into another realtionship since her first two were disastrous. Last month she told me she wants to live alone and does not want to get marry. But after several nights on the phones, I ensure her that thing will be ok once we live together. Tonight, the issue of living alone surface again. I told her I could not go on like this if she is not committed to go forward. She told me she chose to live alone. My heart is all broken but I respect her feeling and wish. I know it is hurt now but it will certainly prevents a much unhappiness life and a disasterous marriage later on. She told me she will go back to work, make money to take care herself and her family. She want to be independent. I respect her for that. I know there is little chance for us getting back and I am not begging either. She has been ambivilance like this for a little while already. It's just too bad that she could not realize that I truly love her and want so much for her and her daughter to have a better future in America. Some of you might ask that I must have done something to cause her to make such a decision. I tell you right now: nothing!!!! What I did and the only thing that might annoy her was asking her not to go out so late at night and be careful with some of the friends (these are friends who she used to work with at the club). Anyway, I am totally bumped out but at the same time feel relieved. I will go on and know that there are many more deserving women out there who want to be with me. I am desperately needing a few cold ones now, perhaps a whole damn bottle..... csm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
check_bin_krap Posted December 1, 2002 Report Share Posted December 1, 2002 Chieusamac, I am sorry it went wrong. IMO, this girl is so damaged by pain, heartbreak and misery that she does not dare to try properly again. Even if she did try, her previous experiences would probably have been a strain on the relationship. Would it have worked? It takes a pretty strong man to manage that. It seems she was worth loving, but the load she carries with her is heavy. Keep the good memories of your time together. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted December 1, 2002 Report Share Posted December 1, 2002 >I must have done something to cause her to make such a decision. I tell you right now: nothing!!!! What I did and the only thing that might annoy her was asking her not to go out so late at night and be careful with some of the friends (these are friends who she used to work with at the club). Ohhh, man. Your story is somewhat unusal. OK, what you did is all fine (and not unusual) but one thing sticks out: she is voluntarilly cutting the cord telling you your support is not needed any more. That's what I can't understand. Why would she do that? To lose even one month of support? Sorry, to me seems she knows she'll be unable to receive it any more. Could be - she's planning to go somewhere else with somebody else. If that plan of hers fails, whenever, from whatever reason, she can be back with "sick of living alone". Knowing only what you wanted to post, can't think of other reasons. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 1, 2002 Report Share Posted December 1, 2002 That's pretty much it on the post. I hid nothing. One thing I left out was I went through a bitter divorce and the ex-wife got everything. I don't mind of losing the material things, all that can be replaced eventually. It's just the feeling of being rejected - that's killing me. Jane was a fine woman. When I first met her, I knew I wanted to know about her life better. I knew about the night life in Bkk and have been around the blocks several years but Jane was different. Her life was different. Like her, my life was pretty messed up too at an early age. Misery attracts misery and may be that's why we clicked so well and became so involved. Would it work? I know so. But as always, it takes two halves to make a whole. I knew Jane is afraid of failure as so many farang/Thai relationship ended bitterly. I wanted to keep on trying. As we hung up the phone tonight I told her a place in my heart is always open await for her to return, if she wants too. csm Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentors Posted December 1, 2002 Report Share Posted December 1, 2002 im very sorry to listen this. Your story makes me a bit afraid for my own relationship with my GTGF. Some points in your story listen to me same as mine except your actually sad situation. I thinking that somebody told her some stories who makes her scare about going to the US. What can you do? Some folks here will maybe laugh, but if you dont want to loose her, so jump in the next plane and fly to her. You must try to speak with her now, but not through the phone. And if you will do that quickly, i believe she will understand that you love her really because you fly around the half world to saving the relationship with her now. At this point of your relationship, its a good way i think. It is not easy to have a serious relationship and living abroad i know it well. So if you want save the relationship so fly to her soon as possible. And dont forget, we all have only one live and to find another good Thailady is very very heavy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentors Posted December 1, 2002 Report Share Posted December 1, 2002 Why would she do that? To lose even one month of support? Sorry, to me seems she knows she'll be unable to receive it any more. Could be - she's planning to go somewhere else with somebody else. -------------------------------------------------------------------- one time more, not every thailady just stay in a relationship because for the money she will become. Many farang ladies want to work for the own money, so why you think a thailady is not be able to have same idea? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chilli13 Posted December 1, 2002 Report Share Posted December 1, 2002 good point there. she might not love the guy? would you abandon your life & country to live with a rich chick even you we're not sure how much you really liked that person??? just some thoughs - many TG's are actually very unwilling to leave their beloved country... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 2, 2002 Report Share Posted December 2, 2002 chieusamac: i'm very sorry to hear this! i really thought you guys were going to make it, and this came as a big surprise to me. maybe putting a little distance between her and yourself (emotionally) will be the best thing. it could even bring you back together, who knows. but i know you must feel really bad about this because it is obvious you really cared for her, and i suspect she cares for you too. there must be something pulling at her that makes her not want to commit. i doubt she has another man if she is going back to work at the club. however, i'm sure you don't want to be thinking of what she might be doing at the club when she is working... are you still going back to bkk on the 30th? for me, after 2 years and all you went through i wouldn't consider it "over" until going back and talking face to face. remember that her decisions were made after not seeing you for 6 long months. the end result might be the same, but i think it is better to end a 2 year relationship face to face since no one (apparantly) did anything wrong. you never know, there may be some misunderstanding that could be cleared up by a face to face talk... anyway man, i hope it works out for you one way or the other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted December 2, 2002 Report Share Posted December 2, 2002 >one time more, not every thailady just stay in a relationship because for the money she will become. She entered the game for money. And she got it from him. She may want to work for her own money but I don't believe that desire pops up after 2 years of comfort. Whatever she may be able to earn with her skills (a honest job), won't give her a condo she's presently enjoying, a car, clothes, support for her family, pocket money... That makes me think she has found a replacement source. Or, ib3 may be right - she simply does not like him any more. >Many farang ladies want to work for the own money, so why you think a thailady is not be able to have same idea? The reason I think like what I think comes from what I've got on my hands. Before my gf finishes her HS (April 2003) she would look for work only if I left her (read: no support). No way she will drop the tools and step out voluntarily. The deal with her is - she's been hired to do a job - which is - attend a sequence of courses we jointly compiled (HS included) and she's doing that just fine. 16 months of school and she's 3/4 through and succesful. The support is aimed to strip her of any worries about her/her family wellfare, to take her out of the scene and let her concentrate on her education (bar out, school in, she lives alone, I support her). Had she fucked up with her "job" - she would have been "fired". This way we both feel better - she can produce results of her "work" and I can track her progress. Love aside. True, without it we wouldn't have started anything. But we would not have gotten this far had we sat on love alone. Still, the show may stop at any time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted December 2, 2002 Report Share Posted December 2, 2002 >I thinking that somebody told her some stories who makes her scare about going to the US. Possibly. I've got hundreds of digital pics from my US trips. For a reason unknown to me, almost every tg who had seen them always asked "did you scare in Ameligar"?. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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