Did you have a wedding party?

[jai-dee]

I'd like to ask all of you who

have married in a Thai village if you had a wedding party

and how big was it. Was it open to everybody or just for

invitees? Was it held at the parents' home or someplace else?

 

The reason for asking is that my GF is dead set against having

a party. I was always under the impression that a wedding party

was more or less required, for the bride to show off, for the

farang groom to be accepted into her community, for parents

to gain face.

 

Her arguments go somewhat like this:

 

"My parents' house is too small". That's true, having as few

as a dozen guests would be stretching resources there.

 

Me: "What if we held it at some hotel or restaurant?"

 

"There aren't any." True, the whole town doesn't have a

single decent restaurant, it's mostly just noodle carts.

 

Me: "Maybe we can have it at some friend's or relative's house."

 

"Nobody would let you have 100 noisy drunk people in their

house and have to clean everything afterwards."

 

Me: "But ..."

 

"I don't want you to spent a lot of money for the party."

 

Me: "Maybe we can have a small one."

 

"Cannot, everybody in the village will come to eat and

drink for free."

 

Me: "But wouldn't everybody consider us kii niaw if we don't put

up a party?"

 

"Not at all. They would laugh at us. They'd say look how small and

poor your parents' house is and you spend so much money for the

party."

[khunsanuk]

Hi,

 

Yeah, we had a party. Rather large one as well.

I'd say there were about 150 people, ~35-40 of which came with us from BKK, the rest were locals. Most of the people in the immediate vicinity were there.

 

The price for the entire party wasn't that bad I guess. I think we spend roughly 60-80K on the party, which included a huge amount of food and booze as well as a band.

 

We had a blast, and I would not have wanted to miss it for the world.

 

Sanuk!

 

[CondomKing]

IMO, you should definitely have a wedding party, especially if you intend to live in or spend any substantial amount of time in your wife's village after you're married. Probably your wife is a little freaked out that she and her family might be embarrassed or lose face if things don't go well with you, a Farang, involved in all of the traditions and ceremonial ritual that goes along with the Thai wedding. Also, maybe there's something going on that you're not aware of. Old boyfriend, family fued? Might bear looking into.

 

Whatever you do, you will be judged and scrutinized more closely than anyone else who has ever gotten married in that village. You, being a foreigner, will always be regarded as "the man from the moon" in any cultual context. That's OK, it's what it is, but still, I think that it is actually up to you to figure out how to fulfill what would be expected of any bridegroom in your place and in that particular place. It is a delicate situation.

 

This is only the first of the cultural enigmas which you will be faced with and, hopefully, you will be able to conjure up an acceptable solution most of the time. Any guy who grew up in that village would know exactly what to do and be expected to do all that is called for. Your situation is a little different. You must figure out how to get it done so that you're happy to be there, and your wife, her family, friends and neighbors are happy to have you there as well. As you stated in your post, it is your chance to be accepted by the community.

 

This post is getting a little long winded. I think I'll end it here and post again with some suggestions. BTW, most of what your facing happened to me, I lived through it, it all worked out,and on the wedding day everything went off without a hitch.

[Guest lazyphil]

We got hitched at my Mrs's Amphur registry office in Nonthaburi. No party

[CondomKing]

Well, I never heard of a bride who didn't want to have a big party unless there was some very compelling reason not to. To say, "My house is to small, everyone will eat and drink too much," is not good enough. I think the first thing you should do is find out what's really going on.

 

To answer your original question, yes, we did have a big wedding party. How big was it? Well, we hand delivered invitations to all of the families of relatives and everyone of note in the village. I guess that would cover about 200 people and then we invited everyone we saw over the few days that we were there, involved in preparations, just before the event. All in all I'd say about 350 people showed up. Yes, everyone who knew my wife and her family was invited. It was a hoot!!

 

Mom lives in an 100 yr old teak house so having the party there was not an option, but we did hold the wedding ceremony there and, amazingly, we packed the place and it didn't fall down. For the party we used an empty warehouse building at the edge of the village that we decorated and furnished with tables and chairs rented from the local temple. Hired a band, dj, someone who comes and builds a stage and provides a sound system, etc. If there isn't a structure big enough in the village all you need is a dry empty field and you can rent tents that are commonly used for ceremonial events.

 

It all came together pretty easily. Don't forget that they do have marriages in every village all the time, so everyone is familiar with how to get one together. It's not like they never did this before. All of the women pitched in to make the decorations and all of the guys moved furniture, provided pick up trucks, etc. You just have to keep feeding everyone and allow all the guys to work rip roaring drunk during the 3/4 days of preperations.

 

Of course, there was a cousin who tried to take advantage and I had to call her on that and tell her she couldn't help anymore. On the wedding day she showed up and we shook hands and all was forgiven. Now we're friends.

 

Also, besides eveyone who helped, we did have a core group of a dozen or two (!) very drunk guys that hung out under the house for the three days drinking constantly. My wife told me that I couldn't ask anyone to go home because they were all helping and it was part of the wedding party and it would be rude. Fine, when it got very late I'd shut off the lights and they could stay there in the dark if they wanted to, usually they just fell asleep or stumbled on home.

 

The whole thing cost about $2000. In addition, I put up 100,000 B sinsot of which 80,000 went to pay old loans and 2nd morgages. Mom got to keep 20,000 B to do what she wanted with and she was very happy with that. I gave the missus 10 Baht of gold in the form of a necklace and braclet and it comes in handy when money is tight and we need to put it up for a short term loan.

 

I also needed to start out on the wedding day at my "parents" house, and so a well respected family who were not related to my wife volunteered for the job. That's all I can think of for now. If you have any other questions please post or PM.

 

BTW, tell you wife not to worry about people laughing that you're spending money while your inlaws are living in small house. After you're married you will probably start making some improvements, hot water, western toilet, washing machine, etc. Maybe you'll even rebuild the old homestead for your new mom and dad!

 

[Guest]

if that was the Amphur at Pak Kret in the "main shop" area and on the right hand side of "Chaeng Wattana" if your going towards Koh Kret then we got married at the same Amphur.... :o

 

SB.

[check_bin_krap]

Listen to the girl and ignore the comments here. I got hitched without a party also. There can be many reasons why she does not want one, and one of them is expenses.

 

The lady knows best herself about the situation. Respect that.

 

Cheers!

 

[Guest]

Each situation appears to be different, my girl does not want a big fancy wedding, just close family and some friends, and we are going to have a small dinner party that evening.

 

We are going to do this in Bkk, where she lives, the thought of having our wedding in her home town, which she does not even like, was decided right away.

 

 

I am giving her a diamond ring, and I asked her if I should buy her a gold bracelet or necklace, seems that is all I read on this board, so I thought it must be a custom, and she told me no need to do that, she already has all the jewelly she needs

 

 

[Guest lazyphil]

We went to this Amphur first, but I didn't have a document to show I wasn't married already in the UK, after going to my embassy to get this we ended up going to Amphur Muang Nonthaburi. This period was exhausting, getting stuff to get married, translations for a ton of stuff, getting the visa, passport....we had no energy for a big wedding and my money was dissapearing at an alarming rate!!!

 

We had an appartment in a Soi just a hundred or so metres from the 'Major' cinema on Watthana, her folks live by the river, way too hot for me to stay there, what a wuss eh!!

[Guest]

LP,

 

Whenever I stay in Bangkok I am staying at the missus parents house which is 5 minutes drive from "Major" cinema...it was off Tivanon road about 1 or 2 kilometres from Chaeng Wattana towards Rangsit....The world is a small place.....

 

SB