MaiLuk Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 This happened so fast that I'm looking for advice after the fact. I'm in farangland, she is in a taxi heading south from bangkok as I write. Some background. I've known Jarunee for a year, posted on this board about her before. When I'm in BKK she is my regular girl, with disagreements leading to intermittent break ups. I've sent her roughly 5,000baht on three different occassions over four months, total 15,000baht. Would have put her on a regular plan, but she always would not live up to her end of the deal, so I'd cut her off. Just before my last trip in May to BKK, I was going to send some baht, she told me it would be better if we did not see each other anymore, too many problems (she was referring to our arguments relating to her conduct). I said "Are you sure?" She said yes. She could have taken some money from me than broke it off, she chose not to. I arrive in thailand three weeks later (recently), don't call her. Her friend spots me with another girl, Jarunee starts calling my mobile. She cannot believe I did not call her. I don't want to see her, she broke it off so its over. Jarunee is not happy, and calls over the next few days. I'm butterflying, but no girl can match Jarunee's personality (in my mind), one night 3am on Sukumvit I'm thinking about taking a girl with me that I met that night, not too happy with my options. Jarunee calls again. I agree to meet. She arrives, gives me the silver bracelett that I gave back to her months ago after an argument. She was to sell it, she needed the money. Well she never sold it, held onto it for me. I'm getting to the point, but first the hard facts. One trip to bkk a couple of months ago, Jarunee is messed up on drugs when I arrive. She vows to quit, we stay together, than after 4 days have an argument and I kick her out of my hotel. Next day I take her back, she admits that she took drugs the night before. For the next seven days she stays straight, basically quit cold turkey for my entire stay except that one night. I was proud of her, she was feeling great about herself and talking about staying that way for good. She believed in the truth of her words. After I left, sent her some baht, she fell back into her old ways. Thats when she told me we should not see each other again. Back to this last trip in May, I saw what it was all about. She could not stop even though I was in town, giving me an eye opener and leading to more arguments. I decided she was hopelessly addicted. (The drug is ketamine). I haven't given you enough background to let you know the pain this has caused, it would take alot of bandwidth to convey it. She is a girl who has been in the scene since she was a teen, which was some 15 years ago. She looks 23 and at 5 feet tall weighs in at 38 kilos. Hot skinny tan little body. And a stunner. I always liked her despite the rough edges, and we had many great times together. When she is happy she can make everyone around her happy. She knows I have a big soft spot for her (one day she said "You have compassion to me." I laughed. "So now you laugh at me?" I said I'm not laughing at you, I just never heard a puying use this word.) When I left bkk in May, I had no real plan for her, paid her share of the rent to her roommate and left her with no baht. The lease ends this month, her roomate was to move out soon, so Jarunee would have nowhere to stay. Once I'm home, the more I thought about what she was doing to herself, the more it was bothering me. I get her on the phone, she needs money, I send her some, make her promise to take no more drugs. I know this is not going to work, and the next day I cannot get her to answer the phone. We talk during the day, at night she disappears. When she tries to deny that she is taking drugs, I make her stop talking. So I give up. Four days go by, I don't talk to her. I see on caller id that she called a couple of times, but no message. The thought of leaving her in BKK in the grip of an addiction is still eating at me. I call yesterday to see how she is doing. She immediately launches into her apartment problem, she has to sleep at different places every night. She says "I know, not your problem." She says she hates her life. After 30 seconds of useless arguing, I suddenly here myself say "If you leave BKK, I'll help you." She wants to know what I mean. I say "I am never sending you fucking money again as long as you live in bangkok." I see in my mind all her 'friends' in bangkok who make a career out of hardcore partying. Some people seem to handle it well. Its too much for Jarunee. "Where you want me to go?" "Any where outside of bangkok." "I never leave bangkok before except to go to pattaya, I don't know where to go." "I'll find a place, you leave right now." "OK." Holy shit! The decision by both of us was that quick. So this is how it happens. I ask her why she wants to do it. "I want to get away from my friends, not be around drugs." Well she knows the right things to say anyway. Logistics: She needs to get her clothes etc which is at three different friend's places, so she'll leave the next morning (today). I pick Cha Am as the place for her to go, its far enough from bkk so that returning will not be an easy taxi ride. She has no money and is afraid to take the bus, insists on a taxi. I repeat "No fucking baht while your in bkk." She thinks she can borrow the money, taxi will cost 1800baht. She does borrow it. 1800baht in her hand, she is going to use it on a taxi. This girl is committed to this plan. So am I. I keep calling it a plan. Its nothing more than a stop gap measure. This morning jarunee is nervous about going off on her own. I tell her several times she and I can do this together, I will take care of her, etc. I mean what I say. Today I reserve a flight to bkk for two weeks out, my staff at the office will shit when they find out. Jarunee says "Why not right now?" Had to send her 4000baht, hotel won't accept a facsimile of my card. Made her get off the tollway to pick it up from western union. 2:30am here in farangland, I called her. she has just arrived in cha am, but the hotel that told me 1100baht per night by phone this morning, is telling jarunee 1500baht, take it or leave it. The taxi is driving her around looking for a cheap hotel. She'll stay in a hotel a couple of days while looking for an apartment. Any advice on this situation is welcome, no sense in saying 'don't do it', i'm already committed. The idea is to help her quit, whatever it takes. Some practical advice on where she should live would also help. My experience of thailand is only bkk/pattaya, picked cha am cause its one of the few places covered on the net and an immediate decision was necessary. Could move her somewhere else. At least life ain't boring. MaiLuk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khwaimaisabai Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 Says MaiLuk: At least life ain't boring. Hi ml, And that's what counts. :onfire: Good luck - but you have really taken something on here - seems to me. It would be hard enough if you lived here, but doing this long distance ...... It might work if she is determined to make the change - and if she's not, it probably would never have worked anyway. Keep us posted on progress. khwai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nervous_Dog Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 Gee - bloody tough, the idea is for her to go to Cah Am for how long? Till she thinks she is broken the habbit and then she does what? Get a job in Cha Am, or go back to Bangkok, where it all starts over again. In Cha Am she is alone, bored (after her life style, who wouldn't get bored after a week or so) Not trying to be negative, but this is a on the spur decision of yours, you feel hopeless in Farang land, have no control over the situation, your getting screwed by everyone that comes near her, mate - have a cold beer, make that 5. Really, great idea to move her, but to what and were, how will she live, what will she do. The reaon for my feelings on this, been there done that, also great girl, could have taken a lot of money from me but didn't. Breaking up with her was the best thing ever, You can take her out of the bar, but not the bar out of her, too many memories, too many bad feelings have screwed her. I'm not saying give up, but I do think you need a more solid and longer lasting plan. Why not get her to go to school, or maybe start a little business, something cool and groovy, suited to her knowledge, ie fashion, make up, etc. Once she sees a regular income she'll a lot safer, and she needs a regular person in her life. JB Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torneyboy Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 Says Jimmie Blonde: Gee - bloody tough, the idea is for her to go to Cah Am for how long? Till she thinks she is broken the habbit and then she does what? Get a job in Cha Am, or go back to Bangkok, where it all starts over again. In Cha Am she is alone, bored (after her life style, who wouldn't get bored after a week or so) Not trying to be negative, but this is a on the spur decision of yours, you feel hopeless in Farang land, have no control over the situation, your getting screwed by everyone that comes near her, mate - have a cold beer, make that 5. Really, great idea to move her, but to what and were, how will she live, what will she do. The reaon for my feelings on this, been there done that, also great girl, could have taken a lot of money from me but didn't. Breaking up with her was the best thing ever, You can take her out of the bar, but not the bar out of her, too many memories, too many bad feelings have screwed her. I'm not saying give up, but I do think you need a more solid and longer lasting plan. Why not get her to go to school, or maybe start a little business, something cool and groovy, suited to her knowledge, ie fashion, make up, etc. Once she sees a regular income she'll a lot safer, and she needs a regular person in her life. JB I was about to reply when i read your post. You took the words out of my mouth. Spot on i also have been there done that... Ther is a song that goes Breaking up is hard to do...but after you see the light i wish i had seen the light 2 years before the end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSTEACH Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 Two questions...what are YOUR longterm plans with her? Is she to be just a parttime GF or do you see yourself as a permanant fixture in her life? Second... how in the devil are you going to keep her out of the bar with you living in the US? You have a big damn heart to even attempt this. You need to come up with some type of plan for the immediate future for her, as in the next month.or at least till you get to BKK. Flying by the seat of your pants with day to day plans with drive you nuts. Based on my previous experience of doing just about the same thing, I would probably advise that you forget trying to do the seemingly impossible, but every situation is different. You realize what you're trying to do has a tremendous failure rate. Many have tried and failed, few and very few have succeeded. The decision is yours and yours alone. I wish you the very best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 The only possible way out indeed is to get her away from the scene. But you have no precise plan and that's the big problem. Where and what to do for her??? Normally I live with gf 465km south of Bangkok. I took her out of the bar and we live far away intentionally. Remember, thais are unable to live alone and you are far away from her. But it's bad timing right now for me, I had to return to Farangland to attend a funeral today and I will stay here to june 17th to fix some problems. There is a technical college some km from my place, I don't know if your gf has what is needed and what it takes to go to school, we have plenty of rooms in the house and both ladies would need more than like each other to make this viable. If no school what else??? Not much of a business you can start around here. Not sure 5k baht would be enough. Just launching some ideas, problem is you are in the middle of this. Walk away or have some long time plans. Not much I can offer you for ther next 4 weeks, the gf left for her family whilst I am away, but we could elaborate on something. I have a friend in Chumpon who could provide her some lodging, but he might be leaving LOS before I will be back. Why Cha Am btw? What can she expect there? And there are cheaper places than 1100 baht!!!! Looks you are in a mess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bibblies Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 You should write newspaper headlines (if you don't already)! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 Hi MaiLuk, I wish you good luck! Just one idea: If your girlfriend is addicted it will be very, very hard for her to stay clean. Could you invite her to your country? I fear that in Thailand she will always be able to buy some drugs. So maybe it would help if she won't have access to drugs for some months. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CondomKing Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 What you're doing is commendable. However, an addict's chances of getting clean without some kind of "treatment plan" are at best slim to zero. I took a minute to check out drug rehabs in Thailand on Google and what came up is this: http://www.gosurvival.com/ It's on Samui and has all the amenities of an exclusive spa. It looks pricey but may not be all that much since it is in Thailand. Anyway, that's what I was able to find on the first page of the search. If I were you, I would definitely be looking for some kind of drug program. This one may or may not fit the bill. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
think_too_mut Posted May 19, 2003 Report Share Posted May 19, 2003 >Why Cha Am btw? What can she expect there? And there are cheaper places than 1100 baht!!!! This time of the year, reasonably good hotels go for that price. It's not cheap for Cha Am. It could be on pair with 2000Bht hotels in BKK. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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