Guest Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Very often posters write about cultural obstacles in a farang thai relationship. Because I am considering seriously to have a relationship with a thai woman and because I don't know much about thai culture I would like to ask what these obstacles are. Some obstacles that come in my mind (corrections are welcome). 1) food (spicy, a lot of rice, ...) 2) face (farangs speak more directly) 3) religion 4) superstition (farangs have other superstitions) 5) family (which has to be supported) 6) money (status symbols like cars, gold, etc.) 7) language (the biggest obstacle, IMO) 8) education (I don't like to mention this one, but some posters think that this could be a big obstacle) 9) social status (see 8)) 10) personal hygiene (we farang don't smell, eh, very well ) Of course not all obstacles apply to every farang thai relationship. Jasmine, for example, is well-educated, speaks better english than I, isn't superstitious (I guess), earns a lot of money, hmm if I think about it she would never consider to have a relationship with me, because I am some classes under her :: (Jasmine, I hope that you don't mind to have taken you as an example, but people here know you well and I just wanted to point out that in your relationship with your hubby most (all?) of the obstacles which I mention didn't apply. But you are most welcome to correct me or to tell me what the obstacles in your relationship were. Haha, I am too courious, but I would like to hear the opinion of you thai women on this board, too.) Best regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jitagawn Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 "Because I am considering seriously to have a relationship with a thai woman and because I don't know much about thai culture I would like to ask what these obstacles are." Good luck. :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nkped Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 In no particular order. Food--If you cannot at least tolerate farang style Thai food on a somewhat frequent basis, you may have a problem. Thais eat western style food enough, this shouldn't be a major issue. Language--Not exactly culture, but you have to communicate verbally to some extent and if she goes home with you, she is going to have to communicate with other people. Religion--Can you respect her religion and support her in the practice of it? Are you willing to learn enough about Buddhism to at least avoid giving major offense? Superstition--Varies from person to person. My ex who was from Isaan and had four years of formal education was largely not superstitious. Family--It's important and separating her from them can cause major problems. Money--Depending on her background, you may make more than anyone in her family ever thought about making. The thought that you can't afford something is hard to grasp. Social status--As a farang, you are hard to place. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Hygiene--Seen enough comments on the board about the scrupulous bathing habits of BGs. It holds even if they are not jumping in bed with stangers. Get the hint? A different way of viewing the world to an extent that I am sure I never got a grasp on in four years of marriage. She may have all of the virtues you thought she had when you fell in love with her and it still may not be enough. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasmine Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 [color:"red"] Jasmine, for example, is well-educated, speaks better english than I, isn't superstitious (I guess), earns a lot of money, hmm if I think about it she would never consider to have a relationship with me, because I am some classes under her [/color] Naiv, I couldnot be angry with you even if I wanted to, you are too much!!! Here goes: [color:"red"] 1) food (spicy, a lot of rice, ...) [/color] So I feed him rice once in a while just to remind him whom he is married to. He used to tease me that if he eats rice more than once a month, his eyes will slant!! I do try to feed him his childhood food, just add some dimension to it to make it interesting. [color:"red"] 2) face (farangs speak more directly) [/color] I am more direct than him. Ask my ex-boss who Hubby is still working for him. Depends on the individual, ok? [color:"red"] 3) religion 4) superstition (farangs have other superstitions) 5) family (which has to be supported) [/color] No problem for us. We just respect each other's beliefs. [color:"red"]6) money (status symbols like cars, gold, etc.) [/color] I like diamonds and expensive cars, what is the problem Naiv? [color:"red"]7) language (the biggest obstacle, IMO) 8) education (I don't like to mention this one, but some posters think that this could be a big obstacle) 9) social status (see 8)) 10) personal hygiene (we farang don't smell, eh, very well ) [/color] I also do sometimes cannot catch up with what my Hubby is saying, so? Education, we have the same level of degrees but I know Hubby is smarter than me. :: Social status? What is that? He is a gentleman who I am proud to take to any social function with me, that is all it takes. Personal Hygiene, I don't know about this one, I have not been around many people who have bad hygiene, only a woman who worked around me once but never met (or around) men who I would consider in a bad shape. Now, in Thailand, I ran into a couple "farangs" who needed a shower but I think it was just becuase of the hot climate there make them look bad sooner than in the West. Jasmine Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thalenoi Posted December 16, 2003 Report Share Posted December 16, 2003 Naiv, Where are you from??? Cultural gap in Europe is enormous between nations, compare a Dutch and a French person as an example. Even in Belgium, the differences between Flemish and Walloons are undescrible, not easy those mixted relationships. And you want to talk farang/thai couples??? Well, communication is obstacle number one. It's not just about language, often you do not need to talk to understand the other person, but sometimes I understand the gf the other way round and then we have real problems. You don't state where you plan to live with that thai woman. If you intend to live in Thailand, as an expat you will be countryless. You won't be able to live in your country of origin and you never ever will come close to grasp anything from the other culture. Your only means to survive here is to be open minded, curious, learn and adapt... Good luck :: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 I think the greatest obstacle is not thai-cultural, but based on denial from the farang to see many things as they really are, and rely on his sense or pretense that the RT should/does closely resemble one back home. that's for LOS-bound marriages. I think a farang has to accept a lot of things, that he may never be able to do something about. The skill is into not making these "cultural" differences a wall within the couple. I think at this point at a thai/farang couple of my friends, living in SF for 10 years, and there are just things, problems in the beginning, that they learnt to accept from each other, and it's funny to think of the 100% farang couples around us who did end up divorced, and this unlikely marriage, on the face of it, is still going strong. So, maybe after all, the greatest obstacle is to think that cultural differences are what threatens a thai/farang couple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shygye Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 Taking off shoes in the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soongmak Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 I think the greatest obstacle is not thai-cultural, but based on denial from the farang to see many things as they really are, and rely on his sense or pretense that the RT should/does closely resemble one back home. that's for LOS-bound marriages. P127, Can you elaborate on this? I really don't see where you're going here. What is the averaging farang denying IYO? Why shouldn't a relation be like back home? I would like to hear what you're getting at. Cheers, soongmsk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 nkped, thanks for the response. I just want to comment about one thing: Hygiene: I met once a german who was complaining that his ex thai wife wasn't hygienic at all! Why? Because she didn't take her long hairs out of the drain after taking a shower :: IMO, thais are very hygienic, and I have no problem with the habit to take several showers a day. (I am used to take only one shower ... ) Best regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted December 17, 2003 Report Share Posted December 17, 2003 :: Jasmine, I am glad that you can't be angry with me :: Just some comments: I like diamonds and expensive cars, what is the problem Naiv? If you pay yourself, there is no problem. If my wife insisted to buy an expensive car and we don't need it and I had to pay, I would have a problem. Actually I don't have a car, because I just don't need it at all in my country. (I have a subscription for the public traffic.) The problem isn't that you like diamonds if you like them just for their beauty. But if you like them because they are status symbols then I have problems to accept it. Social status? What is that? Good question! I don't know it and I don't care about it. And my gf should accept that I don't care about it. (This was a problem with my ex) Best regards Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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