cultural obstacles to a farang thai relationship

[Guest lazyphil]

1) food (spicy, a lot of rice, ...)

No problems--hotter the better for me!

 

2) face (farangs speak more directly)

You didn't meet my missus

 

3) religion

I like all the Buddha paraphernalia in our house and I'm not religious as far as being a Christian goes.

 

4) superstition (farangs have other superstitions)

Dont walk under ladders is universal!

 

5) family (which has to be supported)

I accepted this from the start.

 

6) money (status symbols like cars, gold, etc.)

No hab too much but have understanding bank manager!!--she likes our 14 year old Rover--I could go out and buy a old Jag as an upgrade for a grand!

 

7) language (the biggest obstacle, IMO)

Its a pain in the arse me not knowing Thai but the mrs English isn't bad and improving the longer she lives in England.

 

8) education (I don't like to mention this one, but some posters think that this could be a big obstacle)

Both left school at 16

 

9) social status (see 8))

er

 

10) personal hygiene (we farang don't smell, eh, very well )

I bath in rose petals daily

[Guest]

Cultural gap in Europe is enormous between nations

 

Ok, you are right. But I am interested to read what the posters here experienced with their thai gf, wifes. I am able to decide myself, if a cultural gap mentioned here also applies to me.

 

You don't state where you plan to live with that thai woman.

 

I plan to ask her where she would like to live. ::

Possibilities are: My country (Switzerland), her country, Singapor, Japon, Taiwan, somewhere in Europe, USA.

I couldn't change from one year to the other, but in the long term it is fairly open.

 

Best regards

 

P.S.: I could work in my job in all the mentioned countries. Thailand would be the less favourable for my career though.

[Guest]

denial from the farang to see many things as they really are, and rely on his sense or pretense that the RT should/does closely resemble one back home

 

Ok, I got it! Probably I am full of prejudices.

 

Could you give some examples?

 

Thanks in advance.

[Guest]

2) face (farangs speak more directly)

You didn't meet my missus

 

Ok, lazyphil, it seems that this is one of my prejudices. I don't know why I think that thais speak less directly... hmm, a thai girl told me that she liked that I am so direct. My family on the other side tells me that I am too direct ::

 

Best regards

[jitagawn]

 

7) language (the biggest obstacle, IMO)

Its a pain in the arse me not knowing Thai but the mrs English isn't bad and improving the longer she lives in England.

 

You sound like you have it together with your lady!!BUT

I just don't get this one .You have a perfect opportunity to learn the language. I do admit some people have a harder time with languages than others.. Give it a try-not so hard really.

[ThaiHome]

The biggest obstacle my wife and I have faced (at least IMHO, she may think different) is the way we have a "discussion" (often referred to as an argument). From her perspective, such "discussions" should be without emotion or passion accompanying the words. If I lose my temper and start shouting (or even raise my voice slightly), the discussion is finished and she stops talking (used to be for for days). This is in stark contrast to the way I was brought up, my childhood home could get quite loud, between my siblings and myself and between my parents. I have watched the dynamics of her family for some time now and there are no loud discussions between the parties. The words can be harsh, as long as they are delivered in even tones. People get angry, but do not express it loud voices. For her, this is particularly true for a man. He absolutely cannot start shouting.

Luckily, these days, such "discussions" are few and far between, but for the first couple of years things could get real tense for days at a time.

Not sure how much this is due to Thai-Farang cultural differences or just differences in upbringing and family dynamics.

TH

[iuytrede]

I have the same experience as Thaihome.

Speaking directly is not necessarily a problem, criticism usually is a problem (no matter what or who you criticize - many Thais are not happy if you criticise your own government or if you say the food you are just eating is not aroi) - but raising your voice is a big no no. It leads to nowhere except gf falling silent for a long time. For TGs even clear and firm speech, not loud at all, may sound like screaming and shouting, when they know you are angry.

Shouting across the rice fields is ok though, because you don't express bad feelings.

 

Another big problem is the different idea of "honesty" and the infinitely small attention span of Thais.

A TGF who promises you to love you forever (or makes any other statement about the future) will not feel that she has lied if she has a new bf tomorrow (resp. if the future turns out to be very different) : after all, yesterday she meant it and that"s as long ago as 4000 years for a westerner.

When a westerner says he wants to do XYZ tomorrow he usually means to inform you that this is what is going to happen. A Thai means to make you happy at this moment, he says it because he thinks (maybe wrongly) that it makes you happy to hear what he says. He has not the least intention to talk about the future.

 

Another problem:

Thinking in a hierarchy. It is still almost impossible for me to accept that I am the boss, and gf and me are NOT equal.

 

I must have known Thailand most dirty TGs - at least I cannot agree that Thais keep their body especially clean. And when it comes to everything else except body and clothes (things like living quarters), Thais are the most dirty people I have known.

But I have never been to India.

[Torneyboy]

Hi

 

I have been married to a Thai lady for 14 months.

 

With food ..i love thai food..not to hot ..so she makes the dishes that way..and no problems in the kitchen..i can cook and do a couple of dishes she likes .

But nine out of ten meals will be thai.

 

 

Religion: i enjoy going to the temple (we go weekly) i talk to the monks..a great way to learn about thai culture ..imo

 

My choice btw ...""ï go one person"" she used to say...now together.

 

 

Language:

we met while i was learning thai at Syd Uni one night a week.

We now teach each other English/Thai...is great fun....we tease each other to death but we learn at the same time.

 

I have found the relationship to be a BIG learning curve for us both...but well worth the effort.

 

 

Would join a Thai language school and learn.

 

 

The Thai temper is the thing to look out for...so far only three bottles have been thrown at me ..all missed. ha ha...not at the time.

 

Go for it IMHO...open minded...great fun learning .

[cardinalblue]

Regarding hygiene, who knows thai women that floss? What about using an electric toothbrush?

 

Granted LOS is a developing country but dental visits and habits are lacking ways behind many superficial and other cosmetic habits. How many whitening skin lotions and facial creams can we take?

 

The average thai seems to have little knowledge of dental care. I see things improving in BKK but it will take time. I see many more people wearing braces compared to 10 years ago. A good sign! I am even seeng more dental advertisement around.

 

Bad breadth is usually a factor of poor dental habits (bacteria accumulation and eventual gum disease) and i run into more thai women than i think i should who have bad breadth.

 

Yes this is a picky topic but such a vital one if we are talking close confinements and entry into one's personal space.......

 

Cardinalblue

[jasmine]

[color:"red"]You have a perfect opportunity to learn the language. I do admit some people have a harder time with languages than others.. Give it a try-not so hard really.

 

[/color]

 

Don't count on an opportunity, some (like Hubby) just does not have a hang on learning any language. Not to say that all cases are the same, but one like my Hubby has no motivation simply becuase our communication is fine.

 

Of course, I will try to motivate him, at least more often when he retires.

 

Jasmine