Reasons For Men Who Like Being "A Bachelor"

[Guest]

DrNick-- Sounds like a good exchange of advise here. But one thing troubles me, and is supported by your quote, in the next thread over, where you say, "With the proper manipulative skills you can change most people, and you don't have to be consciously applying them. I've known plenty of people who are changed by their partner." That, too me, indicates the thoughts of a woman. Could you please tell us which gender you are.

[Guest]

P_PLA said:

 

"The most important thing is that I believe that he is a nice guy and I always have an excuse for him when he does something wrong to me"

 

Uh, yeah.

 

Umm...P_PLA all the best for your future I hope things turn out the way you want them too.

[Guest]

Uh-huh...I hear the pitter-patter of little feet.. ...skirting the question.

[Guest]

Sorry if you've been waiting for a reply.

 

I am male. Sometimes I have difficulty expressing myself clearly so perhaps that's where the confusion lies. The comment you refer to is a reflection on my interest in the mechanics of human emotion/behaviour.

 

I don't believe that "chemistry" is an intangible. All human behaviour is linked to emotional state. People respond differently to the same stimuli when in different emotional states. Take P_Pla for example, she met J at (on) Loy Kratong, which is not only a festival, but also involves a wishmaking ceremony. Now, she says he is not exactly her "dream man". There she is presumably happy, excited and hopeful for the future and then she meets this guy, and guess what happens? She starts to link these feelings to the man. Do you think if she had met him on a stinking hot day on a crowded red bus she would have made the same connections?

 

Before I piss anyone off again, I am not saying that there is anything wrong this. I'm saying that all human relationships rely on the same process. Emotional reaction, stimuli and communication.

 

I hope this is not too far off topic. This is the relationship forum and I think it's good to actually examine the psychology of relationships as well.

[jetlag]

Well I may be the most qualified, or most unqualified person to make a comment on this depending on your viewpoint, as I am P_Pla's ex-boyfriend.

 

Ms. Plah you have gone through a number of changes since we broke up, and I agree that you're in the middle of finding yourself right now. Most westerners go through this phase in their early 20's and right now all of your values and ideals are in flux, no longer based on merely what society expects from you, but on a more personal wisdom and world view. This is a good thing. You know I've always admired and been proud of you. I know you will come out the end a better and more complete person.

 

Here's where perhaps my judgement is a little biased. But I know that you can do better than this relationship, and you certainly deserve better. I am still a little amazed at the fact that you seem to have found someone who personifies all of the exact traits that you feel destroyed our relationship, the prime one being lack of commitment. I know you've told me that what you learned from our breakup is to learn to give someone more space and not be so insecure about commitment. But what you're doing now is just asking to be hurt.

 

I think you're right in saying he will not change his ways. I do not think that you will be able to "break down the wall" and achieve a sudden catharsis where he will suddenly realize all that has been missing in his life.

 

I still encourage you to have this relationship, as it seems like your having a lot of fun, and enjoying yourself, and his company. I would strongly suggest that you take HIS terms and apply them to yourself as well though. Keep it casual, make sure he knows he's not your boyfriend, and go ahead and play the field a little yourself. Don't invest your heart and energy into someone who's made it quite clear he doesn't want it.

 

OK, and I have to say it... He's WAY too old for you.

 

Much love always...

 

Jetlag