Helping out the family...a recipe for poverty???

[Guest]

no

[Guest]

Hi,

 

I wasn't brought up in Asian culture, so can only speak for my Thai G/F. This issue is incredibly serious to her. She was raised by her Grandmother, and feels a responsibility towards her that borders on obsession. If she cannot give something to her at the end of the month, she is affected both physically and mentally. It's so engrained in her, that it's a part of her. It's a goal, that if not reached, will totally affect her well being. She will never look upon herself as a whole person, unless she lives up to her percieved responsibilites surrounding this.

 

It's a very, very real thing. Running much deeper than I think any farang could ever comprehend. In a million years, I could not alter her beliefs in this, nor would I ever want to try. As a farang, you just gotta except this as part of the package.

 

I've seen this girl scrimp and save, just so she can give 1,000 at the end of the month. That gives her more pleasure than anything she could ever receive herself. And I mean anything. It's quite remarkable. To not accept this about her, would mean not accepting her as a person. It runs that deep within her.

 

IMO, if you really want to be with a Thai girl, there are just some things you will have to accept with the package. If coughing up a few 1,000 baht every month, so that she can feel worthwhile is a problem, then maybe better to look within your own cultural system for a partner. Enabling her to be able to meet her family responsibilities is everything to a Thai girl. You will be paid back a thousand times over if you can do for her. Trust me.

 

HT

[soongmak]

This issue is incredibly serious to her. She was raised by her Grandmother, and feels a responsibility towards her that borders on obsession. If she cannot give something to her at the end of the month, she is affected both physically and mentally. It's so engrained in her, that it's a part of her. It's a goal, that if not reached, will totally affect her well being. She will never look upon herself as a whole person, unless she lives up to her percieved responsibilites surrounding this.

 

I don't know if this is common among thai girls, but the idea is familiar to me. My GF also has a deep felt responsibility towards her family, even though her parents are dead. I can say she truly puts her family's well being above her own well being and I admire her for it, while it annoys the hell out of me at the same time.

 

I tried reasoning with her on the subject, but not a chance in hell that anything I would say on the matter would change her mind.

 

Cheers,

 

soongmak

[Guest]

Hi soongmak,

 

>>>>I can say she truly puts her family's well being above her own well being and I admire her for it, while it annoys the hell out of me at the same time.

 

Exactly. My feelings as well. Although I don't let it get to me. In fact, her ability to put others before herself, is an incredible attraction for me...........and like you, commands a deep respect and admiration.

 

>>>>I tried reasoning with her on the subject, but not a chance in hell that anything I would say on the matter would change her mind.<<<<<

 

Don't even try. Is an exorcise in extreme futility.

 

HT

[bibblies]

My last girlfriend, while feeling the usual responsibility, was well aware of how lazy/greedy members of her own family could be and protected me from them, as I tried to protect her from them. ("No, she's not here again." : So excessive demands often get bargained down, expectations managed, etc. Depends on the strength of the girl.

 

Have you noticed the sheer relief with which quite a few Thai bar girls greet unexpected pregnancies though, as it provides a welcome break where the family has to look after them for a change? More than one has expressed that sentiment to me and told me that their families were very disappointed because it meant they couldn't bring in the money for a long time.

[Guest]

I agree with you and HT. My girl has the same outlook. In the beginning she told me straight out... you will always be #2 .... family will ALWAYS come first.

 

Pointless to argue, debate or try to convince her otherwise. One must accept or move on. (I haven't left yet.)

[Old Hippie]

I just had a dicussion on this matter with a Nana girl. She told me when her family "had everytrhing" she would quit, and never return. I told her that would never happen as, as there would always be some new expense appearing. It seems the only real way out is marrage and family, and a shift in prirorities...and even then a certain amount is sent home...

[Guest]

High Thaied wrote:

 

"In a million years, I could not alter her beliefs in this, nor would I ever want to try. As a farang, you just gotta except this as part of the package."

 

With respect, you could. You just need to have the psychological tools to do it. And you've gotta be prepared to do it. But if you are like most of us you are not prepared to consciously manipulate someone you love.

 

I'm less qualified to talk about this topic than most of you because my wifes parents were both dead before I met her. So for the most part it's been us against the world. But if her parents were alive then it would come to an ultimatum.

 

LaoHuLi wrote:

 

"My girl has the same outlook. In the beginning she told me straight out... you will always be #2 .... family will ALWAYS come first."

 

I don't think I could ever accept this in a longtime partner. But touchwood, I've never had to.

 

My cynicism is against a system that teaches ancestor and parent worship. The notion that you ARE obligated to your parents. I have a daughter and in my mind she owes me NOTHING. Do those of you with children really feel your child owes you anything? If my parents were in dire need and I was in the position to help them - I would. But I would not do it out of obligation, but out of love.