Another Question for the Experts; To Relocate or Not To Relocate (Lengthy Post)

[Guest]

Teach,

As some other poster has said your discrition of yourself was about the best way I could describe myself also. I got chills it struck me so true. I am 39, own a very successful high tech company, could sell and live comfortably in the states and never work again. I have no social life to speak of. Have worked myself silly to be successful. And I find white women fat, ill-mannered, spoiled, and to top it all off....Demanding. Go figure.

A few months back I made my first trip to Thailand. Fell in love with the people here. Especially the very feminine small-framed women. I too am considered attractive in the states with blond hair and blue eyes. But here I felt like a god. My friends would tell me some of the conversations they would overhear about me, when women didn't realize I was with Thai friends. They are crazy about me and it made my head swell. When they found out I was successful they wanted to make me their boyfriend on the spot. My head (big and small) almost popped.

Now this situation can make a man who has been starved of the attention of the really fine females back home (when you can even find one) do crazy things with his life. I am in the states now and taking a hard look at what I want. I enjoyed BKK but I'm not sure I could live there. I could live like a king but I can live a satisfactory lifestyle here also. I think I would miss a lot of things. Especially the outdoors. I love to fly airplanes and helicopters and I couldn't do that in Thailand. I think you should make a list of the pluses and minuses and see what you can live with and live without.

In my case I find that the big appeal was the women and the ability to laze the day away in the local hangouts and eating establishments. I could do that too in the states just don't make the time to do it because I'm working all the time.

I look forward to going back to BKK in the next few months. I think I will explore the women there for a while. I enjoyed the sex scene but got tired of it after a while and wanted to have more connection with the women I spent time with. I know everyone will ask why I would want to buy when I can rent. But to me they are different things. You can continue to rent, but If you get into the Thai middle class scene as I have you will want a middle class girl for keeps. Maybe I found one. The next few months will tell. I would suggest that you excercise the small head to keep the big head clear while trying to find a keeper who will satisfy both at the same time. Don't believe that the middle class girls take months and months to get in bed. At least in BKK I found them to be Tigers compared to even Western women. Honestly I would never be satisfied with an American girl again. I think if I took a Thai girl back to the states and made a few trips to BKK every year to hang out with friends and keep the girlfriend from getting homesick that would be perfect. You might even be able to afford a second home in BKK as things are cheap here. I have found that living in one place can be pretty boring. I need to change my environment from time to time to feel alive. Spending part of the year in Thailand and maintaining a place in the states would be perfect in my opinion. But living in BKK all the time would get on my nerves after a while. I guess I am saying that one should not burn their bridges and jump ship completely. Just my opinion. Mapper

[pattaya127]

Teacher,

Your own description of yourself seems to show you still have a lot going for yourself in the States. Anyway, 6 weeks is enough to get you hooked, but not much more. About your opinion on american women, IMO, you mostly like most of us have a strong case of BKK blues (or Phillipine,if you like), ie. it's almost like wanting to stay fidel to Asia (and its women in particular), or like infatuation, all is boring next to the object of your desires. Most of the guys who made it to Thailand and stayed happy there, felt they had no other choice, they just killed their previous life so to speak and jumped. At least, that is what my expat friends did. I think your post to us, and the hesitation/agonizing you feel mean you are not quite ready, no matter how appealing the call of the sirens. I agree with BKKPhil. He's one who knows. Stay in touch, H

[Guest]

Teach, I'm hardley an expert but I think you've received excellent advice.

Sounds like you enjoy your work. If you could get it, a six month sabatical sounds like a good way to test the waters without burning your bridges or just keep working and take your vacations in LOS.

[pattaya127]

To Mapper,

you should tell us more about your middle-class connections in Thailand. I have met a few almost or fully affluent thais, and i have been disappointed many times by their materialism or single-mindedness into reciprocating the life sold to them thru the TV ads, their indifference to social issues in their own countries, their shallowness in private (all sorts of topics) and their extreme sense of propriety in public (status conscious). There was a couple ones who were extremely fun and open-minded sexually, but i would never trust them for the long run. Indeed, my best thai friends are either from lower stratas or raised in a western country. Also: there is still an amount of great sex to be had with american women,white black or else.

[Guest]

To Pattaya 127,

I suppose my connections are actually upper class now that I think about it. They are from wealthy families, have spent at least 10-15 years in the west, and are well traveled. I find them to be quite trustworthy. More so than my western friends. In America "character" is dead. "Attitude" is in. I rarely meet people my age in America who's word is good. As far as materialistic....I would say they are the same. Just catching up to the rest of the world. All anyone cares about in America anymore is having an expensive car, a cell phone, a big house, etc. And loading themselves up with debt to get it.

As far as the women I met in BKK...they were middle class. Attracted to the upper-class Thais I know perhaps.

I guess it's a matter a perspective. Things aren't much different here as far as the love of and pursuit of money. I'm just as guilty as the next guy. Coming to realize it doesn't make you happy. Not willing to give it up mind you. I have worked hard for it and I want to put it to good use now. I just don't want to spend it on American women. They don't appreciate it. They expect it. In my opinion there are far fewer attractive women here now. 60% of Americans are obese now. Women more than men. The first thing I noticed when I got off the plane was WOW, look how huge everyone is. When a woman makes it into her thirties in good shape she is a rare bird. feels that she should have a lot of things just because she is beautiful. I know a few who aren't that way and they are all snatched up quick and are well married. Thailand just has so many attractive women compared to the number of men there. It really is a different scenario compared to America. Mapper

[kohchaiBKK]

Teacherwannabe,

I could probably write a book for you on the subject, or better yet, let you know in 6 months if I did the right thing. The bottom line, though, is that there is no answer to your query. There is no right thing to do. There is no wrong thing to do. Whether you stay where you are for the next ten years or relocate either here or to the Philippines, you will never really know if you did the right thing. You’re just going to have to accept it. That’s what life is all about, and it took me a long time to learn that. More specifically, you might have a different answer every day depending on mood and circumstance. The only crime from my point of view is wasting those ten years.

I guess the only advise I can give is to give life your best shot wherever you decide to call home, and don’t look back. We all tend to get a bit too analytical when it comes to making a big decision that involves change. It robs us of our potential

[spirit_of_town_hall]

Have to agree with one of the previous posters, I once very briefly saw a middle class Thai girl, mother was from a wealthy chinese family father a high ranking officer in the army.

In addition to my main occupation that of solicitor I rent out houses in the UK and am building these up to hopefully fund semi retirement in LOS. I am in partnership with a friend who has no formal education and is a first generation Irish immigrant, however is now doing well.

The girl in question could just not grasp that he had acquired the properties through his hard work, it seemed to Irk her.

She was 32 and still lived at home, she had an office job bringing in about 14 0000 baht per month yet she had a brand new Honda Accord, yet she was constantly bemoaning the fact that Mercedes Benz were so expensive in LOS and that they were easier to attain in Europe.

One day I was sitting in one of those bars/cafes off Kao San road and I asked her what her idea of fun was and she said that she liked to go to the "mall"

She was boring, and demanding, I left the cafe saying I needed to find a bureau de change and just didn't bother going back, a wasted 3 days with her.

Give me a bar girl anyday, everyone knows where they stand, I can get my intellectual stimulation from colleagues and male farang friends.

[Stickman]

To me, two words stand out in your original post - EXCEPTIONAL JOB. Perhaps it is easy to say in hindsight, but if I had had an exceptional job back in New Zealand before I moved to Thailand, I doubt that I would have made the move. The longer you are away from the West, the harder it will be to return to a position in your chosen field and you may find that the employment opportunities are not quite that they were when you moved. Your life doesn't sound that bad - at least from your post and with an exceptional job, I personally would not move.

Hoard funds and create a sizeable warchest and then move. If you have that warchest now, consider moving *bit* only if that warchest is ENOUGH TO RETIRE ON IN YOUR HOMELAND! Yes, you might just find employment opportunities have dried up upon your return....you never know.

Now having said all of this, I moved to Thailand at a young age and have never regretted it, at least not seriously...but I didn't have the exceptional job.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

Stick

[Guest]

Your 41 years of age, but you don’t feel that you’re living… How long are you prepared to wait till your life really starts? 51? 61? 71? 81? You’ve only got one life so you might as well live it to the full even if that involves taking some risks.

If your aim is to have a better social life I wouldn’t necessarily recommend Thailand. Thai people are very charming and helpful especially to foreigners, but making real friends is not easy (don't equate the commercial sex scene as having a social life). Most of your social life will end up being with other expats which is a smaller pool of people than you have got at the moment.

I would certainly recommend making a move…but think about other options than just Thailand...

[gummigut]

You have a good job. You are not repulsive looking and you have enough disposable income to have a good life...

And you want to come to Thailand because of the social life?

If you are in a MSA (metropolitan area) than I fear that there is something "else" wrong that is preventing you from having a social life. Yes you can buy sex over here for cheap, but will that actually give you what you want?

I think you need to look a little deeper and ask yourself why you are unhappy before you move or you may have regrets later.

Whatever you do, I hope you work it out.

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