Another Question for the Experts; To Relocate or Not To Relocate (Lengthy Post)

[Guest]

OK, I expect to get flamed on this one.

This is a serious question, and I'd really appreciate honest, constructive feedback from those that have been in my shoes, or are currently contemplating the same thing. I know this has been addressed on the forum before, but not to the extent that I would like.

My situation, briefly, follows:

I'm 41 yrs. old, have an exceptional job in the USA, make great money, have excellent future job opportunities, I'm well-educated with advanced degrees and training, and in pretty good health. Not bad looking, but I'll never make the cover of GQ Magazine, trim but not skinny, I exercise often and it's a priority for me to stay in shape. I'm financially independent, but not rich (I could stop working tomorrow and live comfortably in the USA). Not married, no kids. I'm told I'm a nice guy, and I'm definitely not a "geek" or unpopular with women.

Now the bad side: I have little or no social life, haven't had a date in the USA since last December, and there are absolutely no prospects for a date. Oh yes, I've advertised in the newspaper and online for dates via match.com, etc., but I've been relatively unsuccessful in meeting anyone I care to spend time with. To be honest, I find American women to be mostly repulsive and unattractive (mentally and physically). I'm a bit of a loner and enjoy my privacy, but I do well in social situations when I choose to participate. However, in recent years, I've hesitated to go out of my way to "participate."

I spent six weeks in the Philippines last Feb. and Mar., (my fifth trip, overall) and I didn't want to leave this time (my social life was extremely good, of course!). Even though the squalor, poverty, and constant attempts by the people to squeeze every dollar they could out of me affected me considerably, I started feeling comfortable and able to overlook the down sides of the country. This six weeks was an important test for me.

Since I have no "understanding" friends I can talk to about what's going through my head right now, I'm forced to come to this forum. It's not easy for me to open up like this, believe me. I'm normally a very private person. However, I have no alternative right now. I'm about to make one of the most important decisions in my life, and I've vowed I'm not going to make this decision "alone."

Most of you know what's coming next. Here's the question:

Should I move to Thailand?

Before you open up on me with the flames, please consider the following:

1. In my current profession, if I live overseas for any length of time, I become "suspect" in the eyes of the security department, and it's unlikely I can return to my current position or similar positions. This is stupid and extremely conservative, I know, but it's a fact of life that I must live with.

2. So much of my life is my work and my current profession. I fully realize my job has been my escape mechanism for years. Thus, with no social life, it's been easy to bury myself in work and feel somewhat satisfied.

3. I'm certain I would get bored if I didn't work, at least part-time. It appears, based on extensive research, that I could teach at a university or in a corporate setting, if I come to Thailand. Because of Stickman's web site, I don't think I could be happy with teaching English at one of the sweatshop businesses that really cater more to "cowboy" teachers.

So, based on what you've read, should I move to Thailand? Am I the type that would survive? Would I thrive? Would I find, after a few months, that I had made a big mistake by moving?

Many of you expats have been in my shoes. That's why I'm writing to this great forum. Many of you have seen what it takes to survive and thrive in Thailand. I want to hear from you!

In advance, thank you for your thoughtful input and CONSTRUCTIVE criticism!

Regards and BEST WISHES to all of you!

t'wannabe

[ July 24, 2001: Message edited by: teacherwannabe ]

[awayguy]

The only way you'll find out is to try. Why don't you try to negotiate a six month unpaid sabatical from your job and then come here and get some kind of teaching job? Subsidise yourself moderately, but not more than you could afford to do on a long term basis and stick to this budget in order to get a realistic idea of how life might be.

If you don't eant to teach in a sweat shop, spend your first month doing a TEFL certificate, either in Thailand, or elsewhere.

[Guest]

Dear Teacherwannabe,

This is a little uncanny....but as you described yourself, you described me.

I am serious...same age, same type of job situation, same marital situation, same social life...as I said, a little uncanny.

I have never been to Asia, so unfortunately I can't help you there...but I can be a confidante on helping you make the decision....since, in essence, I am in the same situation...and need to make a decision myself.

My email is: sam@pyramid.net

I would be happy to talk with you and give you the insight you need to make a decision. Possibly by discussing it with you, I will be able to come to a decision myself.

My father used to say: there are no wrong decisions...everything leads to new opportunities.

[shygye]

Does it have to be all or nothing? Can you change your job into a consulting business? Then you should be able to take more vacation time.

[Guest]

quote:

---

Originally posted by teacherwannabe:

Should I move to Thailand?

---

Six weeks away is one thing, but you were still going back to your job, your seniorty, your social standing such as it is, etc. In other words, you did not leave your lifestyle and its perks behind.

Have a frank conversation with yourself about whether you can really and truly trade in what sounds like a job situation where you have people respecting you, etc, for one where you will be more or less an ordinary schlub. If you go to work teaching as you described, or even if you somehow manage to find work in your field, you may suddenly find yourself the peer of people you long ago "left behind" when considered from the perspective of your current situation. Don't underestimate the possibility that down the line, you may wonder whether you have cheated yourself.

If you can possibly manage it, I agree with a previous poster who suggested a several month sabbatical where you can test the waters.

[Guest]

Hi TWB,

I am sure you will get lots of advice, though IMHO the only way YOU will know if it is a good idea is to just give it a try.

But having said the above - here's my two cents worth of rather rambling advice!

I am not an expat, but on my last trip I did also intend to move to Thailand and get a teaching job for six months, with the intention of in future working 50/50 UK and Thailand.

Despite having spent around 2 years of my life on holiday in Thailand previously, including a couple of nearly six months stints, (so you would think I would be at least a bit prepared!) I ended up coming home to the UK after only two months.

Why was this? Well......... basically because I am a weak willed alcoholically challenged individual (a fact helped considerably by previous trips to the LOS) who couldn't keep out of the "nightlife" and I made no effort at all to look for a job - despite the fact that I was to a very large extent bored sh#tless by the barscene. In the end I figured that the only way I would get my s#it back together was to go home.

So my advice is therefore come to Thailand!

Stay as long as you can, without burning your bridges and see what the place does for YOU and then GO HOME and reflect on the experiance. Some people prosper, some survive, some get eaten up and spat out (me, repeatedly!) and some drown - from my experiance it is difficult to judge in advance what category people will fall into. The LOS (and especially the "nightlife") seems to have an effect on the most "sensible" of people, whether this is overall good or bad is impossible to predict in advance and very often difficult for an individual to recognise at the time.

IMHO getting a job would be a good way to start, even if it is "only" a muppet teaching job to give you some normality and to help you expand your life away from solely the "nightlife" whilst you find your bearings in the LOS - although of course it would be a shame to travel half way around the world and not start with a couple of weeks R & R! - but don't be surprised if this couple of weeks gets extended!

 

Of course making plans in the LOS is more of an art than a science - just have a rough idea and prepare to be flexible and go with the flow.

Having said the above I do not of course follow my own advice, so I hardly expect anyone else to.

BTW I will be back for another "go" at Thailand at the beginning of October, with the same intention of getting a job for six months. I am NOT a slow learner, I am fully aware that the place has (so far) been fu#king my life up - but for some reason I have always had a self destructive streak, so I can't resist "one more trip", which will be my last one - honest!

Have a good trip.

[Guest]

twb - I too can relate to your description. I think it depends on how much of your self identity comes from your work and in your position. You say you have enough money to basically retire in the US which implies to me you have enough to live like a king in LOS - so money is obviously not the issue.

Having made a similar move to Brazil at one point, I can tell you it was a good and bad experience for me. The good was that I came out of my shell and had the best time of my life. The bad was that my values got screwed up (became based on my popularity and my money) and I haven't yet been able to readjust. However, overall I would do it again. Experiencing the true fun that can come from losing some of your inhibitions is a great thing. One of the things you will experience is the fact that when you go there you go with no outward baggage. No one will know who you are or anything about your past unless you want them too. Since you have no social ties to the people you meet you will feel liberated to be yourself. Also, because you will know that you can always leave and go back home you will also feel freerer to take risks.

Good luck whatever your decision is.

[Mekong]

Hey Teach,

You do not mention what line of work that you are involved in.

When I made the decision to relocate from the UK to LOS back in 1992, I was already working "Overseas" (ie Saudi Arabia, UAE, etc), so the choice for me was quite easy as I kept my, as then, current employment, and I was just based in another country.

The questions that you have to ask yourself are:-

1"Can you function without work being part of your daily routine"?

if the answer is no

2"Could you find employment akin to your present situation over here"?

Each person, and therefore each case has its own unique set of circumstances,at the end of the day the choice is Up2U

[lembeh]

just my two cents worth on this. I have worked most of my adult life in south east asia, and so moving to thailand was not such a big deal. I am doing pretty much the same sort of work I was doing (although for a lot les money!). But the point I wanted to make was this (and you may not find it too helpful!)...you live once and then you die.

Thats it. No second goes around, no try it the other way next time. You want to think about what you will look back on in another 30 years time..will your life have been rewarding? Whatever you choose, never regret it, just learn from it. Good luck either way.

-j-

[Guest]

Good thread,

In my honest opinion, if I were in your position Teacher, I wouldn't relocate. I would come here for vacations only. Simple as that as far as my 2 cents go.