pattaya127 Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Coming from another thread on RT where i mentionned it, I think it's a good topic. Myself, quite a few others I know, we basically took lovers/wives/GFs from either the P4P world or lower education background. In that other thread, I said i admit there's a bit of contradiction as far as i am concerned and who i am, especially since i have met educated thai women. Why do we settle for less if you will, for something we know will always carry its weight of social/cultural and economic duress? How would you answer why we do it, not in a social POV ("I don't care what others think", "i can afford it") or refuting others ("I love her, who cares where she comes from, what she did"), but with your own personal self. For me I can only say, I got attached to my GF, rather natural in itself, and stuck with it, but I must admit that i am sure evryone who knows me (including myself, on a clear thinking day ) thinks there is a mismatch. I do agree that after a long time, any true love between 2 people will sustain itself, and is worth it, but when it comes to LOS, I think there are factors, other than love, that always present themselves, and MUST NOT BE IGNORED. You have to know better, and i think i do. But leaving alone the couples with a long life together, married, with children maybe, why do we accept to start a RT and get slowly more attached, when so many issues kncok at the door, and have us waltzing around the bush, trying to make a square a circle, so to speak. I must, nevertheless say, that with the few "GTGs" I dated, however educated they were, some of the problems were potentially the same as with my "uneducated" poor GF. Like a bit clueless about a life other than their own little routine, ie. "happy to be thai, duh..." (lightness of being) , economic expectations too, irrational jealousy and sometimes plain boringness, something I actually can't blame my "never a dull moment" GF for. Anyway, neverheless, for personal reasons that exarcebate the above mentionned (or vice-versa), I think it's time I listen to the rational voice in me and re-assess WTF i am doing with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Encore Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 > How would you answer why we do it, not in a social POV ("I don't care what others think", "i can afford it") or refuting others ("I love her, who cares where she comes from, what she did"), but with your own personal self.< For me, because of this difference, the fascination with the "other", with a person so totally different from myself, in terms of age, cultural background, life expoerience, education etc. It is the differences that fascinate me, things totally outside my own experiences. With an educated middleclass GTG, I may also have differences, but fewer. I think the term here is exoticism. Of course, it is also these wide gaps in reality that have caused in my case teh eventual breakdown of the relations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrX Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 This is not the first time the educational qualifications of our women has been raised. I think it is absurd to compare a (loving?) RT with and admission interview to a seat of learning which is what is substantially being done here 127 Successful "love" is in short supply...hang on to what you have got and stop playing mind games with yourself! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Encore Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 What are you doing awake at this hour?? IMHO, P127 does raise a valid point. we may each have different views on it, but I found it to be a relevant issue in my former LT relation. when you have a relation on a very part time basis, such as a few times a year a few weeks in LOS, or, like you, living in LOS and having a (secondary?) relation with a girl whom you meeet a few times a weeks and spend a few hours or even a night with, the 'educatinal differences may not be such an issue, or something that actually adds attractivenes to the relation (The attraction of the 'other', as opposed to relating to someone like an educated western woman on the same 'intellectual level as yourself). But, if you are living full time, long time, every day and night, with a TG of little formal education and a fairly limited outlook on the wider world outside her own immediate environment, without wider interest in anything but her talks with her girlfirneds about hairstyles, Thai soaps, and the latest baby of her cousin, I think eventually this may start getting a bit claustrophobic. This is my perosnl experience, may not be true for everyone. I did encourage my ex GF to study, to watch the news rather then only soaps, to read a newspaper etc, but wasn't all that succesful. When I read a book instead of watching a soap, she said i was boring! When I wanted to talk about something a little more substantial than the subjects she was involved in, she said "You talk too much" or you think too much. Anyway, this was my expereince. If you ever would get in the situation of a monogamous long term live in relation with IP, I'd be interested to hear your feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrX Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Ikkrang wrote: "What are you doing awake at this hour" The day often starts now...My wife leaves early to go to her gym and I take advantage of a solitary hour before our son wakes up..... ( What do peope) "like you, living in LOS and having a (secondary?) relation with a girl whom you meeet a few times a weeks and spend a few hours or even a night with," ( know about Thai girls) Pinned like a butterfly!...no doubt about it there was a sweetness to anonymity......... You are right though to describe me as a part time thai girl lover who may only be in it for the short haul.... However the kinds of incompatability you speak about ( a woman..."without wider interest in anything but her talks with her girlfirneds about hairstyles, Thai soaps, and the latest baby of her cousin,") is IMHO to a greater or lesser extent entirely possible with a PhD candidate....I mean narrowness is not the perogative of primary education...The subject of the straits may vary, but I have had the misfortune to monongomize with some highly educated women who bored the pants off me after a few months say about feminism or their jostling manipulations of office politics. The challenge is to be creative and nurture the other....2 projects that my life is littered with the failures of........... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JJsushi Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 I really doubt I will ever marry a Thai chick who was not raised or educated in the States, that is as long as I am going to live in the States. Way too many interesting women in the States that share my cultural and societal background for me to import someone and try to make a life with her here. My views would most definitely change if I was living in Thailand though. I firmly believe in the adage "when in Rome". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaad Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 P127, "we basically took lovers/wives/GFs from either the P4P world or lower education background. " My girl is educated but that had nothing to do with my choice for her. For me personally one's education is not top priority. She must however be a smart girl, have her own opinions and be able to hold good conversations. JJsushi, "I really doubt I will ever marry a Thai chick who was not raised or educated in the States, that is as long as I am going to live in the States. " Ever? May I ask why? I must admit I don't have it easy being married to a Thai girl. We would like to move back to Holland someday. Without going into details we'll have to do a lot to settle down there, paperwork, study lingo, work etc. but I'm willing to go through those countless steps because I love her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jitagawn Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 Its best to have both....a Western and Thai mia/problem solved... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pattaya127 Posted July 20, 2004 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 admission interview ---------------------- Obviously, being 4 years with my GF, this admission interview is irrelevant. I think you know anyway that in a love affair with an IP, one has to use one's brains at some point. Not mandatory, but Preferrably so.... hang on to what you have got and stop playing mind games with yourself! ------------------------ Very good point. Just taking it a few steps further: what I have got is worth enough not to hang on to something that just does not add up. Zaad: My girl is educated but that had nothing to do with my choice for her. ---------------------------- probably not, but I think she is the only one you have been serious with, and your experience may not cover being in a RT with someone less educated, more poor. I actually think people do not always mate by hazard. The fact you went nicely with an educated thai woman probably means that was what was in store for you. You are indeed, from the little i know, doing great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MaiLuk Posted July 20, 2004 Report Share Posted July 20, 2004 I think it's time I listen to the rational voice in me and re-assess WTF i am doing with her. It does seem like the rational voice has time on its side. Love with the type of girl you describe sets the stage for your (refined : intellect to declare war on your heart. In the beginning the voice is not even a whisper but it gathers strength with the seasons. After a few years (sometimes much sooner) the heart falls into line with the voice. Then you find its your heart telling you to break free. Anyway, this explains my long chain of ex's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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