Is cheating justifiable?

[Zaad]

So you are not absolutely honest then and you wouldn't hesitate to lie if according to you it was a minor issue.

Now you are starting to draw lines in the sand about big lies and little lies and major issues and minor issues.

My experience is that what i consider minor issues may not be minor for some people and that is especially the case with wives and girlfriends.

I think that you are not as honest as you think you are!

Hey, there's no such thing as absolutely honest, common, everybody lies from time to time, never denied such thing. This conversation was on a major issue as HT pointed out, fucking around IS a major issue unless discussed and accepted by both parties.

 

As for a minor lie...we all do. Me included. For my own interests, selfish me Waking up in the morning after a good night's out my girl sometimes ask "did you brush last night"? Well, she knows I may forget this activity and last thing I want is another oral hygiene speech from a dentist when I'm only half awake and need silence to sober up. So yes, then I lie. I brushed and fucking flossed as well. Can't get more minor than that.

 

Don't think the relationship's at stake at that point.

[Zaad]

do you trust a man whos a friend who you know cheats...has he the integrity one expects from a mate??

Good question LP.

Cheating may create question marks for some regarding a friend's integrity, but I think that's nonsense. Cheating is "merely" an activity and this may have lots of reasons we know shit about. I (try to) look at one's personality. Some personalities I trust, others I don't. If I sense that a certain personality has the tendency to misuse my trust given the wrong people and circumstances eventhough it has never done me wrong before, I simply won't take that risk. There are some very vulnerable (easy influenceable) personalities out there and no matter how good and sweet they are, I won't fully trust those persons.

 

Sometimes very hard to detect this and unfortunately I have been wrong in the past.

[Guest lazyphil]

Their are people who cheat with a ladish bravado, I cant figure this out, so fucking selfish imo.

[Zorro]

We all know everybody lies and l am pleased that you acknowledge this but you contend that you only lie over what you consider minor issues. The problem I have with this is that what you consider a minor issue your better half may not.

Further to this there are just too many situations where you might jeopardise an otherwise healthy relationship by telling the truth when it would be better to just shut up.

In theory I would agree that honesty and fidelity are admirable traits and it would be great if these ideals could be maintained. Unfortunately in many cases all the needs of one partner cannot be met by the other partner over a long period of time. ( I am not just talking sexual here either)

Most of the women I have known over the years do not seem to have the same hangups many of the guys on this board have about honesty and fidelity.

In this regard they seem to be able to rationalise that their needs are not being met and that they need to get them fulfilled elsewhere. They are not worried about some pie in the sky ideals. They are worried that they are not happy and they want to be happy and will do what it takes to be happy.

[Zaad]

"Further to this there are just too many situations where you might jeopardise an otherwise healthy relationship by telling the truth when it would be better to just shut up. "

 

Are you listening to yourself?

--many situations where you might jeopardize an otherwise healthy relationship-- how healthy is that? ...I say a healthy relationship can DEAL with the truth and find a solution in the form of an alternative or forgiveness.

 

"They are worried that they are not happy and they want to be happy and will do what it takes to be happy"

 

Unfortunately some girls choose (financial) security over their happiness. Security to be granted a future they have in mind which they can't offer themselves.